It's been three days since la Princesa and I broke up. Three long days. Confused. Dazed. It wasn't like this huge explosion or anything. Just this knowing that we aren't going to make as good of lovers as we did friends. Normally you just ride these things out anyway; till their fateful angry climactic conclusion. You don't just break up right in the beginning. But man I looked at her and she was so upset and so beautiful and innocent and pure and I loved her so much and this voice in my head just said man you gotta let her go. You can’t just be with her because you love her. You have to be a man and do what's right. And so three days I have thought of nothing but her. But I won't call or email. She's already told me not to. And she won't. I would love to talk with her and share with her and try to absorb some of that energy at least of the friendship that we developed, but this is best right now. We go so close so fast because of this chemistry that we have.

But I just think that if you know it may not work and you’re already struggling with it, then why keep going. We both agreed on that. I want to stay friends. She isn't sure. I understand. I feel like I am withdrawing from drugs. Or fasting. I wake up late. Sad, Confused. Not sure if I made the right decision. Stand in the shower and cry a little when I think of her. At least I'm showering. I walk in the middle of the street without looking, just challenging life. It's strange how you act when you are depressed. You take on this fuck all attitude. Not shaving, or shampooing the old locks for a while. Not until I feel better. I don't care how I look. In fact, I want to look as bad as I feel. But I'm honoring how I feel. I'm not in resist or in pretend. I am honoring the mourning of her. Beautiful her. I am honoring the great time we had together and everything she meant to me and everything she did for me and that I did for her. I mean we kicked some butt together. Both of us artists, both of us Venus. Created a little artistic dreamy romance together. My heart longs to find the one. To get married and start the family. And she feels the same way about her life. And for a brief moment there… But in your heart you know. And we knew. So we walked away before it got any deeper. I just hope that we will be able to be friends again.  

Current Spin: Smooth 70’s compilation. A lot of sad slow love songs.

Last Movie: Rufus Wainright Live at the Rehearsal Hall on Trio. Not really a movie, but real good.