Went to CD release party tonight for country rock group dharma bomb. They put on the best show of their careers. Really really good. Everyone from the local music scene was there—derek, Zach and Jodi, rat Bastard, Danny Jessup, Mode, Omine, even Joey fagiola, etc etc---and now a lot of the actors are starting to come around ever since that recent merging of the two groups from the Decay play. At some points during the show I was so moved because I was just digging the music and looking at all these people, some of whom I have known for so long. And we are all still hanging out together because of our common bond of music. It was cool. But at the same time felt this unknown feeling of loneliness swelling up within me, you know, like, who am I and why am I here, and do any of these people really know me or like me. that type of stuff. but I just felt into it and let it go. 

Nikki tells me that Sasha is now seeing the junkie who has been going out with the Toad for the last seven years. Really weird news. so later that night the Toad asks me if I have heard. I say yes. I tell him I was just talking about that same thing the night before as it related to him because there was a time about six years ago when I moved to New York and he immediately started dating Queenie as soon as I left, who had been my girlfriend for about two years. He and I were in a band together and lived together for about six years during that time. so that was a little weird, but I was telling a friend that it didn't really bother me because I loved the Toad very much and would share anything with him, even my girl. And we had shared girls before anyway, being in a band together and all for so long. 

Funny. Because the King was laying into me pretty hard because I hung out and fooled around with the artisan who was girlfriends of a mutual friend of ours a few months prior. he was telling me that I broke this unspoken code among men by being with her even though they were broken up. I told him that the universe of the musicians and entertainers of this world of which I am a part of is much different than the world of the jocks of which both of them are part of. That code maybe isn't as strong. In fact it's kind of the polar opposite in the music/acting/model world. People are sleeping with each other all over the place. It's just the way it is. It's a much freer more liberal state of mind. People think sex drugs and rock and roll is just a cool catchphrase. Little do they know that it is a way of life.

And so as I'm talking there in the club to the toad, who should come up but Sasha himself. He walks right up to both of us and starts talking and joking and the toad just carries on biz as usual. Toad says to me, “yea part of me feels like I should be mad that Sasha is sleeping with her but I can’t, I like the guy. And after all we’re broken up.” I just thought to myself this is the way the whole world should work. Free and a whole lot less defined by our self-limiting ego-driven identities. The king who was laying into me for fooling around with the artisan was telling me that I shouldn’t have done it because it hurts and threatens this other guys manhood. But if you ask me that doesn’t sound like manhood. It sounds like wimp hood to me. I felt into it a lot and to me if you break up with a girl, I mean if you don't even want to be with her anymore, and you're always cutting her down all the time, why not let other guys go out with her. He acts like she is one of his possessions. One of his former possessions now. Which is something chicks have been trying to get over for a long time. 

Had this thought. That pretty soon, if not now even, we have this unlimited access to any kind of information we could possibly want. Anything from how to build a bomb to medical info to the ability to buy anything we could possibly want from the comfort of our own homes. The Internet is like this big super computer where you just type it in and out comes the info. Is ice still a good thing to hold on a bruise to stop the swelling? Well look no further than your home PC, and you'll have the answer in less than a minute. But then, as good as it is for that kind of thing, it still doesn’t answer the big questions  of life any better than we have ever been able to. I mean you cant just type in, I'm in love with this girl but she's not in love with me, and get an answer really. So information is one thing. And I think we've gotten to this incredible place as a species where we can get almost anything we want, but our souls if you will are still capable of that longing like they always have been for certain answers that seem so out of reach to us still. 

Current Spin: the vines—I love this album. Also—crystal method, Vegas. Now all of a sudden electronica seems so old school—--funny.