“Grief doubts God.” Ram Dass. 

Again and again I find myself filled with enormous feelings of gratefulness for my close friends and family; I am very blessed and lucky for this. 

Discovering a personal power within that is based on not wasting any time on things that are not aligned with my outcomes/results for the year and over all life. This is not easy. It is a field I have studied for years now. I have about sixteen years of intense study invested into time and data management skills. And still feel like I am just learning what it takes to achieve, to really achieve results. The more you focus on it, the more you learn, the more you realize how short life truly is if you plan on achieving everything your heart desires rather than just dreaming. I observe that a lot of people spend a lot of time doing things that will not contribute to the achievement of their personal goals; unaligned actions abound. Spontaneous watching of TV [as opposed to deliberate scheduling and taping]. Drinking and ‘partying’ is another very popular one. People will ask, hey lets go have a drink. Things like happy hours, going to clubs at night to sit or stand around and watch others. I am not against any of these activities for others, just observing how much time one can spend in a lifetime doing them while discussing their real life goals and passions rather than actually doing them, or even starting them. the difference between the doers and the dreamers. The haves and the have-nots.  

I don't think I am any better than anyone else at this. but I am finding it easier and easier to “know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em,” so to speak. Knowing when to stop watching a movie or a video as soon as I realize that I don't like it. The tendency is to finish watching it anyway, just because you started it. Now I just turn it off. Same with music. I used to feel like I had to listen to a CD all the way through, maybe there was something there that I needed to hear, you know, like studying it or something, getting to know it because everyone else is into it. Now I can get through a CD I don't particularly enjoy in less than five minutes. I follow my intuition. If I am not enjoying, then I just skip through it. I no longer feel this need to hang on. My intuition knows. This creates more time to enjoy the things we find that we actually really get off on. And for each of us that is different stuff. just because the rest of the world is at the moment obsessed with eminem, Britney spears, or Jennifer lopez, or with forwarding email jokes or chain letters et al., doesn’t mean they hold any significance to you or me.  

Especially when it comes to being with others. Watching movies or listening to music or being in a group conversation with others. The tendency is to hang out and take part in it. no matter how inane it may be. Who gets up and just leaves? Now I do. if I don't feel intuitively that I am getting anything out of it. life is short. Play hard? Nah. Play smart. Don't settle for less.

Obsessed with how proficient I can become at recognizing and then acting on activities—even mental activities such as thoughts and feelings---that will further me towards my life’s ambitions and desired results, as opposed to just filling time. Being a part of, hanging out with the pack like a group of friends or associates is a sure way to not achieve this. What I have observed is that often the lowest common denominator in the group—the identities in the room who are the loudest or toughest or funniest or best looking or richest for example will set the pace for the group rather than each individual’s real desires. This is why the self-employed or entrepreneur often achieves much more than those who work for a company or organization that is not their own. Too many uncontrollable variables there.   

More and more thoughts/feelings about my future wife/life partner. Talking about it this morning over brunch. When I see a pregnant woman I get all anxious, chills through my body. Realizing that I need to spend less attention on anything/anyone that is not that, as to allow more openness –create more space—for her to enter my life. Remember to stay open to it, stay open to all possibilities. Now counter that with the Libran love of all things beautiful, and the apparently more-male need for constant sex and romance and you find yourself set up for quite a challenge. Keep enough of your attention and enough space open for the love of your life to walk in, but find yourself wanting to make love to more than half of the female population on the planet and you got yourself quite a challenge indeed. 

A new friend at brunch offered, ‘why don't you meditate on her and have her tell you where to meet her and then go there?’ I looked up at her still with food in my mouth. ‘wow.’ Hhhmmm.