Up all night tossing and turning. We have had to cancel seven shows in total for the upcoming tour due to Infinito’s decision to stay in town to keep his cover gig. We didn't have enough time to get a sub. So we are only playing a few of the shows. I finally got out of bed and looked at the clock . it was 6:36am. I hadn't slept all night. just tossed and turned worried about the clubs, our agents, the fans. Our reputation, everyone’s hard work. I took half a valium and finally passed out about 7am. Slept till 10. The guys came and picked me up. I told the guys if I have to ride in the van with Infinito right now we would come to blows because I am so mad. Vancouver acted as a middle-man, helping calm me and Infinito’s tempers. I wanted to fly instead. They convinced me to stay on board and take the ride. I am glad I did. we have had a blast so far. Me and Infinito blew up at each other for a while, screamed and shouted, and then it was all over. We decided to come up with a band agreement and all sign it so everyone is clear about what our commitments are to each other. All of that is pretty unclear right now and now is when we really need it the most. The thing about being in a band versus a normal job is you are so dependent on other guys. One minute you can be going along doing your job and in the next you can become totally unable to do that same job just because of one guy in the band. So that aspect of this whole thing totally sucks. But when you do come together and make great music there is nothing more euphoric. 

We wrecked the van already, not even out of South Florida. Smashed into a cement pole. Picked up the newest song order--version 4---of the new CD from Fred’s house. It's almost there, not quite. Lot of songs on this new album. some very hard songs and some very soft ones. Drove all the way up to Brunswick, GA. Stopped for the night. we take turns playing stuff from our own CD collections. Every guy brings his own bag of cds. I made everyone listen to Phoenix of course. Father Bloopy played 2 cds of Beatles recording session bootlegs. Listening to ‘because” from abbey road. It was so beautiful. I thought, how can you write this? I closed my eyes and created that I will write songs this beautiful one day. that I write songs this beautiful. I tried to feel it. Vancouver ended the trip by playing the most horrible thing I have heard. Utopia’s third album. I felt like a rat in a cage being slowly poisoned. We all shared with one another where we were when we first met or when we first saw the others for the very first time out in the scene, on what stage at what club, and reminisced how we all came together to form the band that we are now in. 

One night we had a gig with a band Vancouver was in. His father had just died the night before. we heard about it and so we dedicated the song keep moving on to him from the stage. He looked up at us and cried he says. After we went on, his band went on. He was explosive. The next day I got a call from a guy who manages a lot of bands in town. He said ‘Eddie I found your new guitar player.’ I asked ‘who?’ He said ‘this guy I saw last night at your show. He played after you.’ I said, ‘I was thinking the same thing.’ I called Vancouver and he said he would be honored to play with us. it was a touching story. We had no idea what would come of it.

Looking for a keyboard player I had talked to about thirty guys and never auditioned even one of them. I had gotten used to asking every single person I met for a name and number no matter where I was. One night I called the Piano Man. Hi this is Fishy. How you doing? The ambassador? Yea, that's me. Listen, we need a keyboard player. Can you play? I went to UM. Hhhmmm. You have good gear? Yes. What are you listening to right now? a lot of Beatles and some frank Sinatra. Double hhhhmmm. You married? No. have kids? No. a day job? No. any drug problems? no. got a car? Yes. Can you tour? Yea sure. You're in. I never even heard him play. That was four years ago. We've been together ever since. 

Ironically me and Infinito are rooming together tonight. And I have been so mad at him the last week for this tour fiasco. But when you get this close to someone from playing with them for years, it's like fighting with your brother or sister. The fights are important, but they never mean more than your relationship itself. Infinito and me have been together for the longest. He is one of the reasons I am back on the road now and making music again. When I was first invited to play with him and this other guy about five years ago, I hadn't played with other people in about two years. I was very nervous, reluctant to give anything. I cancelled on them twice. But when I did finally show up I was so excited by Infinito’s drumming style and by his enthusiasm for my songs and his sense of humor. It was very easy from the very start. He has never gotten paid and always been there for us. he is my brother. That's what makes this so hard. Tonight we sleep. Tomorrow we drive more.