I am so bored. I am walking around numb. Need some action. Band isn't playing out right now. Waiting for the new album to get done so we can release it and then tour around. In the meantime we’re just in this holding pattern. I didn't realize that I was so attached to performing. But I feel like I am dying inside from not singing enough for people. And besides that I haven't been in love in weeks, months. I think I'm breaking a record. Oh the horror. I feel like the Shakespeare character in that movie Shakespeare in love. I'm dried up. I can’t create. I walk around trying to write love songs for a woman who doesn’t exist except in my mind. But I have no muse. I feel her in my heart when I close my eyes. But when I open my eyes I realize that she doesn’t yet exist. Remember the experiments we heard about in college where they take two babies and they feed them the exact same way, and they give one of them all this love and attention and this baby thrives, and then with the other baby they just leave it alone and don't hold it or anything and this baby gets really sick and almost dies. I remember reading about this. The very real human need for love and affection. I always took this to be sentimental textbook girly stuff. But maybe that was a true story. Maybe that translates to adults too. Maybe Shakespeare wasn't so crazy. Maybe its just not an artist thing. Maybe that's why love songs get so popular. I never really liked love songs too much. Maybe that's why country music is still so popular. I never really liked that too much either. But lately... no I'm just kidding. But maybe that's why dating services and online dating is getting so popular. Not only have I found it very difficult to create but I am also finding it hard to just focus on work and make money. It becomes kind of an obsession this love thing. I'm starting to understand things. Girls I have dated they kind of have this agenda, they're almost militant about it, finding their husband or a boyfriend. You can see them sizing you up in their minds, analyzing your every word and motion. And that can be kind of scary if you're just going out with a girl for the first time. But lately I have been starting to understand what that was all about. They tell me ‘If we aren't going anywhere then I have to pull back. I can’t just be friends with you.’ and me on the snowboard or the beach or the bed always like ‘why not? Aren't we having fun? Just let go and lets just enjoy each moment without worrying about the future or anything. Why do we have to spoil today worrying about tomorrow?’ But I'm starting to understand now. seeing a bigger picture. Or perhaps my mind is just getting smaller.    

Last Movie:  the 14 hour new York documentary by Ken Burns, the last episode.