Yea so if you smoke, no matter what it is, wow, what an adventure stopping is. I never wrote about it before. That’s a private matter. A man and his smoking. I just always pretended it away, denied it, resisted it. For a lot of reasons. One because I loved it. And two because I hated it. if you're young, smoking can be your best friend. And I think that's fine, you know. I'm not all anti-smoking. I am anti-cigarette companies and their whole deception and propaganda machine always promoting to us that its so cool and so much fun and you know smoking has never been fun. Its almost always the source of a lot of pain and tragedy for most people, especially the families of smokers. I mean, smoking is kind of a one way street. Once you hit thirty and you're still smoking, you're kind of fucked. Because supposedly it gets pretty hard to quit. And then everyone who loves you is fucked too because they're the ones who are going to live with your raggedy ass as you age and then die about ten times faster than everyone else around you. that's not fun or cool.

But still as long as you can kick it before thirty, smoke up, cause it is fun. That's the irony. And it gives you something to do. so yea when I hit about 25 I was reading these new years resolutions by all these celebrities. I was on a plane flying somewhere. And I was reading all these guys had the same resolution, Michael Douglass, Ozzie, Richard Gere, George Michael, they all wanted to quit smoking. And they were all talking about how hard it was and how they tried so many times. So I kind of freaked out cause they were so much older than I was and I thought, fuck, if I'm going to quit I better quit now cause I don't want to be some wrinkly faced old fart still talking about this shit twenty years from now. So I just told myself that I was stronger than all of them and I could do it. So one day I did it. I used everything available. I read books about it. Went to lectures. Did the patch. Took all these vitamins. I would get so drunk every night the first two weeks that I would just pass out just because I missed cigarettes so much. But I just told myself just do whatever you have to to quit. You can do it. so I did it. and never looked back. and that was great. And its been great ever since. It’s a great feeling not to have that always hanging over my head. 

Only thing was that I started smoking cigars soon after. Which I thought was a much better recreation. They were handmade, all natural, aged and cured for years, a lot of TLC and thought goes into them, no chemicals, you know, big taste. Something special. And best of all if you need to quit for a while you can do it. you can go three days without smoking a cigar if you need to. try that being a cigarette smoker. Not going to happen.

How clean can you get? So recently I just decided to stop doing that too. Mainly because I was starting to get worn out on stage in the middle of concerts. For no reason. Smoking was the only thing I could think of. you know, your cigarettes or cigars become your best friends. Non-smokers don't know what I'm talking about, but smokers do. they really are like your best friends. They are like a part of you. so for me I just wanted to see what was underneath all of that. I mean, get to the bottom of it. go beneath the surface and see what was floating around down there. what was actually causing the desire or the compulsion to do it each time. its like a pleasure thing. You do it and it gives you pleasure. So why do I feel that need to give myself that pleasure all the time? what's wrong bro? That was the impetus that led to it. and what a trip its been so far. challenging but really fun and interesting. As long as I can just remember that the pain and the agony and the sorrow and the mourning is not me, but just you know, feelings, beliefs, ideas, old left over shit from years gone by, that its not actually me. I'm me, feelings are feelings. As long as I can keep that perspective I can ride this out and learn a lot from it. its like watching  a movie. My neuroses are the stars. And when you take something away like that that you’ve been using for years as a way to hide from all your stuff, all that stuff just starts coming up. and if you get scared of it then your first instinct is to grab whatever it is that your trying to quit or kick to make you feel better. I have 2 friends right now who are trying to do the same thing with sugar and sweets. So everyone has their drug of choice. But if you recognize that you aren't really addicted to the chemical as much as just to the trying to hide from the feelings that are coming up, then you're half way there I think, no matter what it is that you're trying to quit. 

The ferret tells me today he can eat a whole box of cookies in one day and he feels awful about it. So I tell him dude next time you feel that urge, instead of doing it, just be silent and feel into why you want to do it and when you really feel that urge like you just have to, then ask yourself why. And then when you realize that you aren't going to do it and you start feeling really really bad, like you are going to die, there it is, that's what you are hiding from. You’ve found it. That’s what you're resisting right there. So experience it. Acknowledge it. Accept it and let it go. Whatever it is for you. You know. A lot of times its an extreme anxiety, or boredom, or loneliness, or sadness of some kind. So you just kind of have to flow with it and not fight it. and then it goes away. But you can really learn a lot about yourself by taking it on. You become the boss of you a little bit more. And from that you get a little bit more proud and happy about yourself. And I think that's a cool thing.