Today I got a haircut. I was so worried being in a strange place and not speaking Italian. But this guy was amazing. he spent hours with my hair. He was so passionate. Reminded me of Federico in New York who was also Italian and very passionate about hair. He told me how awful whoever has been cutting my hair is in Miami. I told him I just haven't been able to find anyone in Miami. Very nice to connect with someone again so passionate about hair and style. The salon was very styled out. Not pretentious. Again, it is a cool without pretension. Something Miami has not learned yet. You can be cool and nice and open and real. They are not opposite qualities. People smile here. men play with children in the street even though they look like they just walked out of a photo shoot for GQ magazine. it is very nice. it is an innocence that is very refreshing and heart warming. Very different than the New York, LA, Miami vibe of ‘if you’re cool/good/successful, then you’re kind of a snob or a tough guy or a jerk. [this is really funny but one time when I was getting my haircut from Federico I asked him where he was going for the weekend and he didn't want to tell me, I pressured him and he said he was supposed to keep it a secret that he was going to Disney world with his wife and kids, because his boss would get mad at him cause it did not seem cool—it could hurt the salon’s image. Can you imagine? Well that's New York. Not here in Italy. Guys are more than happy to show off their families.]

Riding through the narrow cobblestoned streets amongst the very tall old old old brick buildings and churches and squares and palaces, I was thinking tonight that I could see how this could get old if you grew up here. especially if you see America on TV with all its new stuff and shiny happy people. this could definitely get old. Everything is old here. climbing the stairs tonight looking at the old stairs and the old walls, it made me long for something new and clean and pristine looking. 

Received an email from Cleopatra tonight. It was so thoroughly depressing. It was so simple but it just brought it all rushing onto me. Just this agonizing feeling of loss. She tells me that she knows by the pain in her stomach that we are doing the right thing. I emailed back I will stay away for as long as it takes. I hope one day after we are all dead we will be able to sit down and chat and laugh and say wow, I tell her.

I don't know what it is, just this pain inside like I have no one, no family. If I really just let go of Cleo and Bas and her whole family and the different companies we have built over the years I just don't know who I am right now. who is my family. Realizing that I have been living through them and with them for so long I don't know how to feel safety or comfort right now on my own. we have all been living together for eight years. o.k. so now I leave it all, and start a new life. what? Where? With who? Thank God I still have my mom and my real family and all that but I have just felt so close to Cleo and her whole family for so long its crazy. I feel like an orphan. This awful feeling. Like I am studying over here for 6 hours a day. Why? For who? Can I live for just myself? Do stuff for just myself? I think I am having an identity crisis. It is truly fucked up. So there we are. That's how I feel. thank God for Little Tree. She is like a surrogate mother/wife for me. takes good care of me. Madelynne too. The Artisan does too. Send me things in the mail. Emails all the time. It is very nice. to have these women in your life who take care of you and you aren't going out or anything. what I don't like is when chicks are just being nice to you and taking care of you because they want you to be their boyfriend.   

Talked with friends on the Internet and chat and that was nice. I needed it very much. I was feeling lonely here. Why am here? Who am I? What am I supposed to go home to? and where is home? That has been the nature of my thoughts the last two days. 

There is a serious heat wave going on now in the whole country. In Florence we are having  a drought and they have started instituting lights out at different times around the city so there are no fires. More and more tourists are pouring in. Coming in huge busses. How do they live here? I don't know. I live about twenty minutes from my school by bike. I have to make this ride every morning—this was my payment if I wanted air conditioning—not much of a sacrifice if you ask me. I am like the only student in the thousand year history of the school who has ever had air conditioning. This is funny. First time for everything. but getting to school is like an obstacle course trying to get around all the thousands of tourists in the streets. And the cars, and the scooters and all the other bikes all fighting for these little streets. Crazy. everyday I almost get killed or come close to killing a lot of people who have no idea who is no this crazy rickety bike with no brakes. 

Finding better and better restaurants by just going outside of town and going where the Florentines go and where there are no tourists. Tonight I just sat and ate and watched the most beautiful woman eat her food and talk and laugh and smoke with her boyfriend. I took a few pictures of her with my Sony clie. Yes I have now turned into a stalker.... but look at her. Can you imagine making love to that every night?

She was perfect. Those skinny cheeks, dark skin, Italian nose, and straight dark brown hair, and big white teeth. A goddess. I watched her like I was watching a movie. Actually she reminded me of the Stallion, who is also very beautiful. 

Last night I fell asleep listening to the tracks we have so far of the new album we are working on, maybe we will call it nothing is cohesive. Jokingly we call it ‘slept with you.’ this is amazing this album. All very simple but powerful songs. Look forward to being done with it. Then immediately start work on ‘freedom beauty truth love.’ Which I am working on a few songs for now in Italian.  

Fishy says:

O.k. I'm in.

Fishy says:

In the matrix... 

 G2 says:

Welcome back. so how is Italy dog? 

 Fishy says:

Incredible. I keep forgetting that you aren't reading the diaries everyday, because I am writing them just not sending them yet. 

 Fishy says:

I have to find a way to get my laptop hooked up. now I'm renting machines everyday.

 G2 says:

So how are the bambini? Have you got laid yet?

 Fishy says:

The women of course are amazing. beautiful. but I barely speak so I haven't really been able to talk to many of them.

 G2 says:

Gotten any?

 Fishy says:

Yes. But doesn’t count. 

Fishy says:

   haven't met any amazing girls yet. still looking. But there was this one girl I let  

   stay at my apartment for a night. that was good. Anna Lisa.

G2 says:

Italian?

   Fishy says:

   Yes...

 G2 says:

Was she good?

   Fishy says:

   Yes

G2 says:

      Sweeeeet!

   Fishy says:

Yes, but now I am working on mastering this whole follow your heart thing. For some reason I am feeling its better not to just fool around with any girls that I'm not serious about. Too much trouble.

 Fishy says:

Too many headaches. Too much potential to hurt the girls...

 Fishy says:

You know....

 G2 says:

What about doing it with “all the women?”

 G2 says:

Your song...

 Fishy says:

Yea I know, but for some reason I am getting this feeling in my heart that maybe that isn't the best way to go about it right now. maybe too much broken hearts being left around. You know?  

 Fishy says:

     I'm losing my English from being here.

 G2 says:

You’re a nice guy. 

G2 says:

That happens. I can tell by your writing

 Fishy says:

I don't know. maybe just selfish. Don't want the headache anymore. I think I would rather use the services of professional women, no hassle, an even trade, no problems, till I find my wife. Being with chicks that I know ahead of time are not the one just for the fun of it now is too much trouble... and like I said don't 

 Fishy says:

  want anyone to get hurt...

G2 says:

yeeeee

 Fishy says:

So many beautiful women. A few at school that I could hook with you know, but already know not going anywhere. So I am really trying my hardest to even go there with them, not even try to lead them on a little. 

  Fishy says:

This trip is different. I am different. Maybe those days are behind me. a sad day in the world. 

G2 says:

LOL. What will women do? they will have to come to me I guess. 

Fishy says:

So many women, so little time! LOL

G2 says:

LOL. 

Fishy says:

LOL. You'll have to pick up where I leave off man. Take over. You gotta catch up. I hear your doing pretty good in Chile...

Fishy says:

  Word on the street

G2 says:

LOL. 

Fishy says:

Make me proud dog. Do what I can’t do anymore...

G2 says:

Yeeeeeeaaaaaa. You know I will.

Feeling more and more into the skill of following your heart. What does this mean exactly? Rather than just doing whatever you want to all the time or doing things that you think are cool or might be cool etc. the following your heart thing is a much deeper and profound skill. It is really listening and honoring exactly what you feel. what you KNOW. not using logic. Not thinking. and it has nothing to do with emotion. It is FEELING on a different level. 

Last Movie: The 3 Tenors in Paris 1998. But of course! Having a laptop here really helps.

Current Spin: Afterhours, hai paura del buio? An Italian version of the Strokes. Great album!