Went to a party last night. A good party. A wild party. I find myself more and more picky with girls. Whereas when you're in your teens or in college or man your twenties, you're just happy to bring a girl home. Even if you have to wheel her in , you know. God I miss those days. No I'm kidding. But then you get older and then all of a sudden you become so picky, its like you're looking for the next Princess Di or something. I like where I am. I think its very honest. I used to go to parties and seriously really feel weird if I didn't score. Not that that ever happened, wink wink. But if it did, you know, how bad you would feel the next day. again, that never happened to me of course, but to plenty of my friends, and boy I can remember how fucking depressed they were. Lol.

But now you know I'm just very content to go and hang out with my friends and appreciate all the beautiful women and men and have fun. Even when the girls are like really into you and coming onto you all the time, which is ironic, cause man I wish they were doing this to me when I was in college when I really did just want to take home anyone, but now that they are doing it, I'm like some prude catholic school girl. Never wanting to give it up. towards the end of the night when everyone was just hammered, all of us. Maybe no more than fifty maybe a hundred people left at the party. Had to have been four am. 

I'm at the bar and there is this Latin chick standing next to me and she's drunk and all over me and I'm ordering her water and trying to get her to drink water and sober up. Ferret walks up to me and he's like ‘what the fuck are you doing man?! You're trying to get her to drink water to sober up and your not making out with her? What the hell happened to you in Italy man?! Remind me to never go there!” Funny. I don't know man. Again. Maybe this sounds insane, and maybe I am truly insane. But I think if its just really good casual sex between consenting adults, great no problem, but I'm really fucking busy and no I don't want to hang out all night and talk and get to know you unless you are the one. cause the truth is I'm just too busy making shit happen in my life. And besides if I'm hanging out with some chick all night that is not my wife or doesn’t have potential to be my wife but just because I'm going to have sex with her later, then if I see the girl who could be my wife I may not have the opportunity to speak with her or approach her or whatever so its just not even worth my time to do this anymore. I know a lot of people are into that, but for me its just a waste of time. 

A chick really has to be amazing for me to want to go out with her or date her. And hey girls feel the same way. they don't want to just go out with any guy. but guys usually aren't that way. they’ll go out with any girl, hey better than being alone, and especially if they think or know they're having sex later. Not me. I'd rather hit it, quit it, take care of natures call, and get back to work. Cause man there is nothing better than having an amazing romantic moment with a girl who just blows you away. and I'm a sucker for a girl with brains. Man I just fall head over heals for them. But just some chick who you think is hot or you want to sleep with? Sure I'll sleep with them, but lately I just haven't been able to have the patience to speak with them. within like a minute or two I'm already looking past them just bored out my mind and wondering what I am doing there, maybe not even bored but just not interested. Too bad. Cause there were a lot of hot girls at the party. 

But I just can’t fake it anymore. I met one really amazing girl. She was so beautiful and I will eulogize her here so I can remember forever. Short black curly bob like she was from the forties. She was German. Nice accent. A bit taller. Thin, good figure. And a smile. You know that ‘I'm happy and content and satisfied and successful and I know it’ smile? Like that. Beautiful. And me now I feel this way all the time. in between the bouts of sever manic depression anxiety and panic of course, lol. And so I'm walking all over this party giving the biggest smiles. 

And down here people are kind of shocked by that. ‘why the fuck is that guy smiling so much? What has he got to be so happy about?’ but I give her one and then she gives me one back. so I go up to her and we talk and flirt and then we start hugging and I tell her she is so beautiful and then she tells me the same thing. And then she tells me to join her at this club somewhere. So I go to get the boys and then I return and Ferret goes up and talks to her and he turns to me in this drunken slur, ‘do you fucking know that she is fucking married man?!’ and I'm like “what dude?” all high pitched and surprised. So in comes her husband and asks if I'm going to the club. And I'm thinking this is out one of those old European movies where they take me home and I fuck the wife while the husband stands in the closet and beats off or something, so I just coolly walked away. who knows, but hey you can’t break rule number one, right. don't fool around with another man’s wife. Rule number two, even if they’re not married, don't do it. so anyway, I went to bed that night so happy, a big smile on my face. Not because I brought some girl home, but because I had so many opportunities to and just didn't want to because none of them were the right ones. I think they call that growing up.