Everything is changed. The whole mindset is changed. Cannot think of girls in that way anymore. Makes me feel weird. Like grossed out for some reason. Like I am violating something/someone, unless it is SHE. I am fascinated by this slow shift in viewpoint. Feels like preparation. Still have not called the Venezuelan girl back even though I said I would. Not sure why. don't know if it is because I think perhaps it might go somewhere or if I am just sure that it won't and therefore don't want to be bothered. Quite a quandary no? interesting to say the least. 

Currently absolutely impossible to keep up with the workload. Now I am working full time at record company—up to 12 hours per day, but still trying to write full time—stay current in the diaries, and type in a certain amount of pages per day from older journals and pieces of note papers—there are boxes of them now. And trying to still write songs and practice guitar and piano and keep up with vocal exercises. Days seem to last forever. I am exhausted. Perhaps this is why I am not calling the girl. Maybe it is just that I am exhausted. By the time I get home I don't feel like hanging, just playing guitar and writing and relaxing. Right now it is 8 pm on Saturday night. I am in the office still. I am the only one. most of the lights are off. And we have a concert to perform tonight in about an hour and a half. Crazy I know. I will rush from the office, go get changed, and speed to the venue. next year cannot be like this. Cannot wait to get home for the holidays.

Current read: the 100 most influential people in History. Great book. Never knew that Shakespeare was not actually William shakspere. Most people think it is. but actually the Earl of Oxford Edward de Vere. He used it as a pseudonym. The newest theory on the most famous of all literary figures is that he was paid a very substantial annual pension by queen Elizabeth to keep his identity a secret and not reveal who he was or anyone else he wrote about in his plays. No one ever knew who the real Shakespeare was in his time. He was not as popular then as he is now so it was never an issue. I never knew this. This book has tons of facts like that in it. Good read.