You ever notice that the diaries are all backwards? Man that's weird. They are in a sort of chronological order but they go backwards instead of forwards. G2 probably came up with that crazy idea and I prob just went with it not thinking about it. now its two years later and I'm realizing that when you read these things they're all going the wrong way. instead of the lead character getting smarter and wiser he gets dumber and dumber. I have spent the last two weeks trying to finish editing them in order to get them back up, and by the time you reach the end of them, which is actually the beginning of them, the guy is just a rambling idiot. not that he's much different now. Perhaps if anything, now, he may just be a bit more concise about it.

[Spitting up a lot of blood tonight for some reason. Shouldn’t have started smoking again. its either that or I might have broken a rib snowboarding, and not just cracked it. Still hurts like crazy to inhale. Taking a lot of pain pills for the pain. its probably no more than 40 degrees out here right now.]

My last night here at moms. Everyone has flown home already except for me. I leave in the morning. Can’t wait to get home and jam with the band. But every year it gets harder to leave home after the holidays I notice.

I am longing to make big bank now and be able to support everyone so they can stop working. It is all I think about. All I meditate on. All I pray for. All day and night long. To be able to afford to give mom tons of money so she can do whatever she wants, and Beav and his family. And Laura and the three nieces. Not big things, but just enough so no one has to work anymore or worry about money. I made my list of goals and outcomes for 2004 a few nights ago. 17 of them this year. some big. Some small. But number one on the list is this one. There is nothing I want more now than to accomplish this. I can’t really think of anything else that would be more cool and rewarding than that. after that then maybe we can work on other things, but for now that seems like just about the most important thing I could do.

Last screening: little women. The newest one. [o.k. so add winona Ryder to the list. Along with Penelope Cruz, and Julia Roberts. They're all taken now of course, so my superhero girl will have to be a perfect little healthy mix of all three of them. and you know what? Not a bone in me doubts she will be anything but.] His girl Friday, with Cary grant. Watched a few old movies with mom tonight till she feel asleep. Now I'm out here in the freezing cold writing just so I can have a last cigar or two and a glass of brandy before the holiday is over and the year begins anew.