Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by Justine Rivera (xxxxx@aol.com) on Tuesday, February 17, 2004 at 20:10:34
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Hi Transcendence,


We don't know each other, but I am big fan of yours. I have all of your CDs. My favorite is your New York CD. Maybe because I live in New York. But I also like your new CD sleep with you. I am sorry the critics are being so hard on you guys. They are idiots and me and my friends think it’s awesome. Beautiful one is my favorite song. I am glad you got the transcendence diaries back on your website. I used to read them everyday. I want to ask Fishy why you are writing the Blue Mask? I think it is very disturbing. It does not seem like something you would write. Any chance you will stop writing it? Or maybe you can move it away from the transcendence diaries so we don't have to read it if we don't want to but still read your diaries? Just a suggestion. Of course you can do whatever you want to. Keep up the great work! When will the band come to play in NYC? We can’t wait to see you live. Let us know!
Hugs and kisses
Justine

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I don't know why I am writing the Blue Mask. But I know I have to. I am certainly not trying to disturb anyone. But I find it as disturbing as much as anyone probably. More so I would imagine. But it is something that is inside of me. Never before have I ever felt so much like a fish out of water, forgive the pun. Me, I'm like that frog that is swimming around in the warm water that is slowly heating up, subtly aware that something just isn't right, but not doing anything about it. I'm not jumping out of the water. Soon it will begin to boil. And I am still here. Swimming around in the hot water now. Waiting. Waiting for anything. I looked at these pictures tonight from the original Transcendence line up. Back when Fishy was the ambassador. But I am not the ambassador now. I am not the Blue Mask. I am certainly not Tobias Guess. I'm not even Fishy. I am a man without a home, who lives in this big house. But home is not where you live. Home is inside of us. And inside of me there is no home right now. There is just an aching and a sadness and a longing. For what I don't know.

You can tell when you are reaching the end of something. and I can feel that I am at the end. I look at everything around me with a cynicism I have not felt in ten years or more. who am I? Who is this thinking these thoughts? This is not like me. and yet it is me thinking these thoughts. At least it is me who is watching the thoughts being thought. So we are at the end. o.k. I can accept it. but I do not know what to do with it. if I move, which is what I want to do, then I say goodbye to everything and begin anew. New band, new friends, new neighborhood, new city, new offices, new studios, new everything. is it better to suffer in familiarity? Or...

I like writing about it. The old spook said write so I am writing. I always wrote anyway. But writing about it helps take it and put it on the outside. See where you're at. And then I laugh. Ah hah, so that's where you're at? Oh now that's funny, I tell myself. This isn't like you at all Fishy. Do you have any idea what will come of all this drama? God I certainly hope something comes of it. Because I find it very boring indeed. All this woe is me stuff is tiresome. I say we get on with it. Hop back in the limo baby and let the show begin.

Well I know. Don’t you think I know for fucks sake? I know. Its me for gods sake. It is me after all. so I know. but that still doesn’t make it any easier. But it does seem like such a push right now. Everything seems like such a push to get anything accomplished. Such a strain just to do the most basic things. The talk show idea is taking shape though. That's a good thing. Today I spoke with a priest who wants to do an interview. That will be interesting. Still trying to nail down ram Dass.

Last screening: the kids are alright movie about the Who. WOW! And the new led zep DVD. WOW WOW!

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