You know, the thing is that there are always going to be people who stay down, stay at a certain level of existence, and who can’t seem to manage to get up. and sometimes they are people who are close to us. and it is hard. Its hard. Period. Because you want to drag them up. you want ot do whatever it takes to bring them up and get them to see that its just creations. Just beliefs. but sometimes they can’t see that. and try as you might they stay where they are.

I have some friends who I love dearly who are depressed, or who believe they have eating disorders etc... and year after year they stay with the same routine. Doctors and more doctors and meds and more meds. And you want to shake them because year after year you still see them in it doing the same things never trying anything new. You have to keep trying. But eventually you have to honor who they are being and maybe that's just the way they want it. you offer alternatives and sometimes it feels as if they resent you for offering alternatives. One year *** expressed to me that she hated Christmas because it wasn't a happy time for her growing up. so year after year for twenty years now she gets depressed during Christmas season rather than just discreating it and deliberately creating that she loves Christmas. This belief I feel must serve her in a way, or at least she must believe it does and therefore she can’t even feel a desire to let it go in order to attempt to create enjoying Christmas. I mean, lets face it, we all go through that bah humbug fuck Christmas phase. I know I did. but after some time, you just decide that its going to serve you more to try to get the absolute most out of it and really enjoy it. and things like that are deliberate. We are deliberate creators. Hard to swallow. But its true. its up to us. if you want to enjoy Christmas you create ‘I enjoy Christmas’ and then you start taking action to make that reality come true.

Sometimes we may internalize our friends’ maladies, as if we should too feel fucked up or sick or scared or depressed or cynical or angry at the world... but when I notice that inside of me I let it go and wish for everyone to feel the same kind of optimism and joy that I do now for life. because it is such a new thing for me, having spent so many years being a generally depressed and cynical person. but where does that really get us?


The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.
There's also a negative side. -- Hunter S. Thompson
   
Current spin: serge gainsbourg, percussions. And also Nazi rock from 1975. if this guy can be a popular recording artist anyone can. this is just horrible rubbish. Really hard to listen to. from listening to his sixties work one can hear that serge was at one point a really good artist, but after ravishing his entire fifteen year catalogue over the last three months looking for treasures I have come up almost totally empty handed. I am really trying to find the mccarteny or Dylan or Lennon or sting or peter Gabriel or cobain of France... something I can really dig into, but haven't found anything except for Francis cabrel really that is that amazing. he is though.