Drunk tonight. We went to a party for a friend’s birthday. The stress level is very high right now. our European tour has been postponed. My uncle is in the hospital, and I am living in a tiny rental apartment in a neighborhood that I can only describe as the ghetto. It is true after all what they say about stress or being upset and the appetite. I always thought it was a cliché. ‘can’t eat, can’t sleep.’ In fact two days ago the Stallion told me the same thing because of her broken heart... But you know, its totally fucking true. I am down to less than one meal a day now. i can’t even get a full meal down splitting it up into lots of little meals throughout the day. have no appetite. It is one am, I am about to go to bed after a long day, and I have yet to make it through an omelet all day. yesterday I managed to eat one half of one sandwich in the entire day, but it took me three separate sittings to do so. Some people eat a lot when they get upset. Man I can’t eat a fucking thing. if we don't get a break soon, I am going to fucking jump off a tall building and thoroughly enjoy watching innocent passersby stare horrified at my mutilated body on the street while I float up to infinity.

---break---

If you were on the outside of Miami looking in, as I have found myself lately, you would notice a strangeness here like nothing we have in America. Miami, in general, the whole area, South beach included, is still a Podunk town. a wannabe town with not much going on. American big industry and corporate headquarters have all moved away. South beach is like the lost city. Filled with tank-topped gay guys walking around with these tiny little dogs, stray cats (I'm not kidding---there are millions of them all over town) and slutty looking halter-topped girls who don't have money but want money real bad so they dress real slutty and act real bitchy; on the occasion, you may meet your average normal well mannered American white girl, but this is not very often. If you are ‘old money’ which I am not, you are easily offended by ‘new money’, which I am not either. But this is a given. if you live in Miami you are in a constant state of offense because no one here even knows what ‘old money’ is. They are still trying to get to ‘new money.’ so the pretense is very high, as it always is around people with no money who want to act like they have money. They have fake two hundred dollar sunglasses but they still rent. That type of thing. it is quite nauseating. I have been here a little more than a week and the only way to describe the feelings that are surfacing within me is “shock and awe.” What's left of the population here is what in America we would commonly refer to as “Guido type.” If you remember that song and video called “rico suave” then that is what I'm talking about. Even though in the rest of America that was the epitome of cheese, that is the norm here. The only music they have here besides the more traditional old school Cuban musics is hip hop or dance music---what is often referred to as ‘house.’ what is remarkable is that every single store plays the same mix of the same track of the same style of music pumping out of their store speakers --- from pizzerias to clothing stores to large clubs to cafes. Its uncanny. Some friends and I have conjectured that the only way to explain this strange coincidence is that every time a business owner goes to renew their business license, they are given a copy of this same horrid song and forced to sign a contract guaranteeing they will play it and nothing else during regular business hours.

Cool bands like U2 or Coldplay are called “gringo music” here---meaning “music for the uncool white people who don't know how to dance and therefore don't need music that you can dance to.” How bad is it? to put it in perspective, Miami is the only P1 (population of 1 million or more) city in America that doesn’t have a rock radio station. the rock station here (she103 --- a really famous rock station back in the day) got turned into a hip hop station in the early nineties when the last of the Americans moved out. The classical music station here got turned into a dance music station in 2002. The dial is filled with rap, dance, Spanish, or hip hop music. This is crazy to fathom, I know, but this is the truth. Pop and rock stars do not play in Miami when they tour. they go as far as west palm beach usually, which is a little over an hour from here, or sometimes to fort Lauderhell. But never to Miami, because no one will show up if they come to Miami, because no one who lives in Miami knows who they are.


It’s a very laidback atmosphere, where looking cool is more important than who you are or how you are. In fact if you try to engage someone in a conversation about politics or philosophy or personality traits or character or things of that nature, they will usually look at your funny and just walk away because they have no idea what you are talking about. People here just don't think about things like that. but they do love to talk about clothes or clubs or shoes or DJs. You cannot be witty in Miami, nor can you use irony, nor can you resort to sarcasm, or nonsense humor (think Monty python), because that is not part of their sense of humor. No one will get it and they will think you are teasing them and get offended. As crazy as this sounds, its true and it sucks if you are a northern white boy who never says what he means and never means what he says because you are always joking around about everything such as our good friend Bas. I remember one time specifically where Bas and Ferret, another guy who never says anything serious, and I were eating with la Princesa and her sister. We happened to be eating at a restaurant that they owned. These guys were just going off, all three of us really, being really sarcastic and ironic and silly, bouncing things off of each other, and not a serious thing was uttered in over a half hour. all of a sudden la Princesa stands up from the table and tells us all to get the hell out of their restaurant. She was standing there next to the table pointing at the door and yelling at us. and we were all looking at each other like “what?!” But the thing that I realized later is that she was getting very offended by us because she didn't understand half of the things we were saying. That's the other thing about it, probably the biggest impediment to the integration and development of Miami is the language barrier. There is still a strong pull to keep English as the official language because by borders only Miami is still part of America; at least in theory. But the problem is that no one speaks English. So that's hard for everyone. I foresee in the near future everyone just giving in and making Spanish the official language since it already is for the most part. The other thing you will notice almost immediately is that people do not smile here. Everyone comments on it but no one can figure out why it is. If you are a person who feels that New York and LA are the only places in America ‘to be,’ and that New England is the only place to ‘be from,’ then you are left walking around with your mouth hanging open like ‘Toto, I don't think we’re in Kansas anymore.’

Now with all of this said, Miami is still an amazing place because it is so different, like San Francisco, like Key West, like New York or LA, or New Orleans, or so many other American cities because of how unique they are to themselves. The dance/house music that you hear pumping through every nightclub in America now because they are trying to give the air of being cool most likely was made in Miami, or was originally influenced by Miami DJs. And it is true that there are more beautiful looking girls per capita here than almost anywhere in the world. and yes the fashion of Miami is pretty much the driving force of the entire country at this point. That whole ghetto fabulous look. The sense of style here is impeccable. Its everything to the people. But it is only that one kind of style. That kind of sleeveless shirt or un-tucked button down shirt and baggy jeans and sandals sporty look for the guys and that low rider jean and halter top slutty look for the girls. They wear their jeans super tight and a lot of them have these enormously large asses. Just huge. But they still stuff them into these super-tight jeans. And even if a chick has a huge stomach she will still wear a super-tight halter top and just let it all hang out. its wild. You would never see this in America. Its just over the top weird if you aren't from here or South America. But you get used to it and pretty soon you're dressing the same way.

How does a person wake up one day and realize that they live here? I mean, its one thing to visit South America and be all into exploring and discovering it; its conscious. But to wake up one day and realize that you live there and you have no idea how you got there. that's an entirely different thing. so that's where I'm at. Woke up one day and I look around and I'm like, ‘what the fuck is this?’ ‘Its South America. You're in the capital. Miami.’ ‘where did you say I was?’ ‘Miami.’  ‘Why am I here?’ ‘you're in a band.’ ‘I am?’ ‘yes.’ ‘is it a good band?’ ‘yes.’ ‘well that's good. Are we a Latin band or a dance band?’ ‘no. you're a rock band.’ ‘we are?’ ‘yes.’ ‘well what the hell are we doing here then?’ ‘can’t answer that one. you're on your own.’

I'll tell you what though, Miami may not be too North American anymore, but in a few years Miami is going to be IT again. It’ll take a few more years, but its time is coming. You can feel it in the air. Real estate is climbing faster than almost anywhere in the nation and South beach is just booming with new condo towers. the weather is beautiful. the beaches are beautiful. the people are beautiful.