Got together with the guys tonight to rehearse new songs for the new CD. have about five songs worked out really well. but some of them we are just still so lost as to trying to nail the songs down in their purest form. Bloopy protested one of my songs at one point and I am so not used to that. there has always been this invisible line where we don't cross. For ten years its just been a given that I write the songs and there they are as I walked in with them except for arrangements and beginnings and endings. So at first I was dumbstruck, but then I listened and realized that if we are going to make what we really want to make, something that transcends, something that reaches the level we all want, a level we have never reached before, then I am going to have to open up and listen. He's a young genius who speaks very little, so I listen when he speaks. His own songs are like mini-operas. And I want that operatic quality to this new CD. it feels like this is bound to be the album that never was. Like the beach boys smile. We are encountering in-numerous scheduling conflicts and personal problems within the band that seem insurmountable. But we do have a good start.

Talking about really breaking the songs down to their core and creating our parts like never before, as opposed to the Jackson Pollock style we usually allow ourselves; where everything is just free and we lay down whatever we want to and let it sit however it sits. Nothing is cohesive was laid down that way. Totally not how we want this new CD to come out. this one will take a lot of time and attention.
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The key is to let go and stop looking for the answers. This is a big life. and the answers are going to constantly be changing. Noticing how much I want to create answers rather than just let go. I am living; and the whole time, in every minute, every second, there is the narrator voice cataloging each event. Trying to make sense of it. trying to box it all in. figuring it all out. but underneath it all I am seeing that it is not important. Today is a day and tomorrow will be another day. and what more is there than that?

Supplement: pregnenlone, the mother of all hormones. Try it. you’ll be surprised.

Current spin: saliva. Metallica. Smashing pumpkins, adore. Nice album. Tender moments in there. never a Billy corgan fan. not yet. but I enjoy this CD.

Last screening: Philadelphia story with Cary grant. Mona Lisa smile.