a most brilliant day hanging with Chapper and the Stallion. A long day. a Sunday. A cold day. But a sunny day. slept in. had a nice bath, a great breakfast that we filmed but didn't come out to well. more on that later. then off to the park to see the belvedere castle. Then a cigar and Frisbee with some generic girl’s German Shepard. Then off to bestbuy to help the stallion buy a TV and a DVD player. Find myself more and more liking the stallion. The more I hang around her. hard to resist her. same with boo boo too though unbelievably. We had a great night last night. she avoids me after we have great nights together I notice, as any intelligent woman would. She likes me and says that if we slept together it would ruin our friendship. That wouldn’t be worth it. she's one of my best friends. Frankly same thing with the stallion. And all the while my heart belongs to dear Juliet. Which is of course as always ridiculous since I haven't seen her in fifteen years. but I love her face her voice her laugh her intelligence. I am flying to see her face to face. If not anything else it will make for a good scene in the movie. Alas I confess when looking at it from afar I am a man in love with love.

The stallion recounted a hilarious if not tragic story of our brief affair. ‘You make love to me and then you disappear for two weeks and don't call me. Then you write me a letter and say that I am not the one and you feel like you cheated on your wife even though you are not married and don't even have a girlfriend, but you just haven't met her yet, whatever that means. You wouldn’t even give us a chance. Then you show up on my doorstep two weeks later and want to hang out as friends. Then when I protest you tell me to fuck off and die. then you show up again a month later and want to be friends and call me everyday for six months till we become friends again and now every time I mention another man you run around screaming in a jealous fit of anger but refuse to consider us anything but friends. So you wonder why I am hesitant to get close to you again. I like you Fishy but I shouldn’t; you are a freak.”

O.k. so I have some issues. No wonder. But seriously. I cannot get this woman off of my mind. This mystery woman that I feel so close now. the one I have seen in my mind and felt in my heart for over three years now. there are so many beautiful girls in my life and have been, I could have been with any of them. they were all in their own way the girl that got away; but I have this sneaking suspicion call it intuition that we know when we know and we know when we don't know. so when I know I will know.

It was 40 degrees today and I am getting used to it. although my fingers are always fucking freezing. And my legs hurt from climbing subway stairs all the time.