Just to fill you in: R's manager said no. R liked the idea and thought it was funny. I suggest he do a walk on and we meet in the street somewhere and go have coffee and go talk shop... I gave him a 'what can I do to sleep with you' shirt which he thought was awesome and funny again. His manager Barney, who I swear looks just like the real Barney, is a dick who I am finding trouble appreciating right now and said 'I don't think R will be doing a sitcom/reality show anytime soon no matter who's on it...' I then asked, 'well shouldn’t R decide what he's going to be on or off...' etc, and then we continued to argue for a while until finally agreeing that I would call and speak to some suit at his label who I have never heard of. Frankly I think I chickened out and did not present the idea as well and as strongly as I could have... I was not the full me in the present as I know I could have been.

I sulked back to my office kicking mud-puddles the whole way in a lot of anger and frustration and mumbling to myself. Our last song went higher than any of his recent songs I kept telling myself. Who does that fucking guy think he is etc [his manager, not Rufus who I adore]... [although he sells a shitload more cds than we do and I know that and I know I'm a non-famous compared to his famous and that made me even madder since he is so much younger... even worse...] but I still think the idea a brilliant one and feel that it could be great for his career since he's always publicly complaining about how few cds he sells etc... and of course great for ours as well... obviously.

Again, I was just frustrated with my inability to get my message across effectively enough... UGH!!! No need to respond. Just to fill you in. after a few minutes I decided to turn the anger into positive productive energy to use to go further, not to sink into a pit of despair, so that's what I did and had a very productive day.

Thanks for the sage advice again by the way for sleep. you are a real tea freak and a kind of natural-living guru I see. You have a lucky daughter Jules. She will be wealthy and wise. Just reading your advice made me feel better. Reminds me of the old me. Although I must admit that I did not take your advice yet. instead, I popped a half a valium, drank two beers, smoked a cigar, and went to a production meeting to give the bad news. Sometimes I have no idea who I am, I mean, I don't even drink, and yet since I've been here the pressure has been so intense that I find myself drinking more than once a week and I used to drink once a year if that... but I'm o.k. with all that. with just letting it all happen and being in the flow of it. you know what I mean? Exploiting the reality of it so to speak. This is it. this is the reality of it. and I'm living it. trying to throw your arms around the world. know that song? yeah, like that.

Thanks for letting me purge. Hope all is well in the snow.

Last screening: devils playground. Story of the Amish people. Interesting. I had no idea. what a novel approach they take to the world!