Went to central park to meet Jim the filmmaker about the video he wants to shoot for somebody killed the DJ. Cool art exhibit in the park by christo, the gates.

I am still sick. Worse today. I have decided that I do not like being sick as much as I thought I did. Tonight is the Grammy party here in New York but I am so sick that I am not even looking forward to attending. I can’t even move. 

Last screening: And now a movie called Kandahar about Afghanistan women and how they are treated. They have to wear these hooded tents over their whole bodies all the time. they have no identities as people. they are treated as non-people. they are called black heads since they completely covered up. it is horribly sad and confusing from a western perspective.

This is the most disturbing and upsetting movie I have ever seen. but one of the best. it is a true story. I find myself sad and horrified and frightened that this is real.... I didn't realize it was so fucked up over there. I am becoming obsessed with the Middle East... I do not understand the world we live in. how we can have it so good over here and there can be other parts of the world that are so behind and so filled with pain and sorrow. I do not understand how corporate America and other euopean countries can have so much money and spend so much money on so many frivolous things and there are millions of people who do not have enough clean water to drink or food to eat or the red cross doesn’t even have enough money to give everyone replacement arms and legs for people who got them blown off by land mines. Can you even imagine this shit exists? no. not here in the United States you can’t... we are just far removed from what's happening in other parts of the world...

I am stunned at the thought of the superbowl or the cost of music videos or the presidents inauguration and so many other things that go on in the face of all of the tragic circumstances around the world. our problem as a species is not lack of money nor lack of resources. It is a lack of understanding in most of us that leads to an improper dispersion of the abundance of money and resources that we do possess. This is our mission; to increase the understanding in others around us of the importance to give and share and help.

As sad and challenging and oftentimes torturous as our earthly lives have been over the millennia, we have always managed to temper it with the highest ideals we are capable of imagining. Humankind has always persevered in spite of life’s challenges, continuing to dream in and of freedom, beauty, truth, love, honor, art, music, and happiness. And every now and then we see light in certain little corners of the earth. Our dream is that one day the whole world will be covered in this light.

O.k. I'm back from the party. its 3am. U2 stole those awards in a way, just because they are now gods... but fine. They’ve been doing it better than anyone longer than anyone... but that new CD... I just can’t get my ears around it yet... and John mayor taking record of the year over usher and Alicia?? Whatever. and kanye west over Nellie and jay z? what the hell was that? there is no way this guy is going to be remembered like jay or Nellie. But whatever. can’t blame anyone except ourselves. Other than that no big surprises.... as far as the awards go. across the universe was really good though wasn't it? when did Scott weiland start trying to deliberately ape bowie? And what happened to stevies voice?

What a fucking night though. Unbelievable good time. Can’t write a fucking thing about it unfortunately. But really really good times. I promise I will write about it in a few months. once things die down a bit.