Day four
Holy shit. we got some new
exercises today. explained a little more. turns out this is not about building
you up like some of the other courses... but breaking the ego completely down –
getting control of it, getting it in check. For me, forget about it. I have
worked my ass off to build my ego up for the last few years thinking I had to
in the business I am in and today I was in total resistance from just thinking
about my ego. Struggling. Squirming in my chair like a little kid. the ego
going fucking nuts. attacking other students on the course I was working with
all day. lots of tears and screaming. Very defensive. Had to call a trainer a
few times to help me integrate before I went crazy. lots of Anger. Shame. Pain.
nauseous. Wanting to give up a few times. I cannot imagine ever being able to
get control of my ego. Feels too big for me. much bigger than I am. Discovered
that almost everything I do is to feed or boost my ego.
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