More things to try: getting shot. Made a bet with Dasher that if the show gets picked up he has to shoot me. Will do the leg, least risk there we’re thinking. really want to see what that is like. Also drinking blood. Realized that I have tasted blood but never drank a large amount of blood before. so I have decided to make it happen. I hate the idea of things out there that I have never experienced. don't want to drink my own blood. That would be fucking weird. I asked Princess Little Tree if I could drink her blood. She asks inncocently with eyes wide, ‘well how much do you want to drink?’ ‘I don't know, maybe a pint. Enough for a full glass.’ ‘that much?!’ ‘well yeah. Don't worry. we’ll have you lay down while I extract your blood. That way if you feel faint you can just pass out. don't worry.’ ‘I'm not worried. If you're going to drink blood then better it be mine. But do you have to drink so much?’ ‘well how else are we supposed to see what its really like and how it makes us feel? might be something to it you know...’ so she tries to make me a deal that if she lets me drink her blood I will not deliberately get shot. But I would have none of it. ‘getting shot is too important to me. I told you that. I'm not going to live my whole life and not get shot. That's ridiculous.’ ‘no. what's ridiculous is you being shot on purpose.’ ‘well, we’ll film the whole thing so it won't be ridiculous at all. it will be an experiment. A really interesting experiment...’

Anyway Sunday morning is the spring equinox. And so Sunday morning we will wake up early and I will drink her blood. Have to research where the best place is to draw it from. I assume the arm. I am sure it will be very good. Princess Little Tree is a royal. I am sure royal blood tastes good.

Also decided that I would like to see what it is like to have sex with a man. Not make love or anything but just to be done up the ass by a man. I don't think its something I would actually like to do myself although I won't rule it out, but perhaps feel what it feels like to have it done. Perhaps both. I tell her this casually over a romantic indian dinner. She starts crying. Trying to hold back her tears in between bites. ‘I think this is too much for me...’ she says... ‘look, I told you it wasn't easy being with an artist and you have this whole preconception that its all poetry and flowers...’ ‘which it has been so far...’ ‘yes and as it will continue to be... but this is important. I just want to see what its like. You know, for the experience. Millions of guys are doing it. and back in the days of ancient Greece and Rome they used to do it all the time. so I just want to try it. who wants to live their whole life and not experience that?’ ‘she spits out her wine over the table. ‘what are you talking about man? Plenty of men I know wouldn’t want to experience that. can’t you have more normal goals to achieve like white water rafting or going to see the Caspian sea or something?’ ‘ I've already told you, things like that don't interest me a lot. there's plenty of time to hang in nature. Anyone can do that. but not many men are brave enough or adventurous enough to get done up the butt by another man... now that's an experience worth having.’ ‘you're crazy.’ ‘yes. and you knew that before we ever started seeing each other... trust me on this.’ ‘o.k. so let me get this straight... your friend Dasher is going to shoot you in the leg so you can feel what it feels like. You want to drink a pint of my blood and then you want to have another man sodomize you? and I'm supposed to sit here and enjoy dinner?’ ‘well yeah... its good isn't it? how is your food? Good right?’