In the subway station today and I just bowed my head to focus on my career. you know, to focus attention and intention on what I wanted from my career. but what came out of my mouth was “God help me treat people with more tolerance and respect.” funny I thought. Is that where I'm headed? Is that where it’s at for me now? It is said that when we pray, we are speaking. when we are quiet and listening, God is speaking. sometimes it seems God speaks through us in our prayers and even tells us what to pray for. I don't mind. Let God speak for me now. I need it. I am open and ready to hear what he has to say and what he wishes for me to say.

Last screening: Bad boys 2. I love this movie because I love will smith and martin Laurence in it. they are so effing funny. But you're not going to find that in Miami just in case you thought you would. Remember the villain in it? that creepy Cuban guy who killed everyone? There is a lot more of that in Miami than anyone dares to admit. and the cops there are not like will smith and martin Laurence at all. but that's not what I'm here to type. Right now I am watching all the old Humphrey Bogart films and really digging them. he's just such the man. and there is this scene in key largo when someone gets killed. They just get shot and you really feel it. I mean, you feel that very human sense of loss and sadness for someone getting killed. And it reminded me of seeing bad boys 2 recently when the bad Cuban guy kills this other bad guys partner and puts his bloody body in a container his bloody arms and legs sticking out. and I'm thinking about the contrast of where we are now in modern American film. there is such a sincere disregard for human life that we are all s used to seeing people killed and dismembered and mutilated and blown up. we take it for granted. In fact people really want that in their American movies. Hollywood has people called violence experts who watch films before they are released to see if there is enough violence in them in case they need to add more violence to do better at the box office. that's really fucking sick when you think about it. that is a very sad statement of where we are as a people right now, how twisted we have allowed our collective consciousness to get.

I wonder why we are there now? I mean, what is the American publics obsession with watching other people get killed? Why is that even happening in the mind of modern humans right now? and why do we allow it? when you think of martin Scorsese and the others and the kind of pictures he makes. I mean, why is he doing it? and why do people like it so much? I mean, we would never want that kind of thing to happen to any of us or to the people we love in reality. So why do we want to watch it in the movies? Makes me sad and scared for us. I cannot help but feel that it is one of the reasons why young kids seem so much more willing now to kill each other in schools and all that. say what you will. freedom of speech and expression and all that. but I have to side with the people that say that there is some sort of correlation there.

Current spin: autechre, warp180. this is electronica/drum and bass. Love this CD. the polar bear turned me onto it. it is bliss!!!! Buy it.

Current read: still reading the Islam book, studying the Koran. learning about that holy book. You know, Islam, Muslimism is just Judaism and Christianity with a different twist. And those religions sprung out of Zoroastrianism. Literally the same religion Islam is. an alien from a different planet would never be able to tell the difference between the monotheism of Judeo-Christian and Islam. They believe in the same God and the same prophets and much of the same customs and all and even the same old testament. they just made it more accessible to the Arabic peoples. They appropriated it to make it more suitable to the heart and mind of the Arabic and middle eastern people. just goes to show. Its all pretty much the same thing, this desire man has to narrow everything we consider sacred and holy and good into a workable monotheistic system of morals and values and customs to help guide us in our search for peace of mind and a logical view of the mysteries of life in this vast lonely universe. I think if more Jews and Christians realized that Allah was actually the same God literally the same God from the old testament that they also believed in, then they wouldn’t feel so estranged from these people. when we hear the word Allah we think its like this totally different God that they believe in, as is the case with the Hindu religion where they worship different gods entirely like Krishna and shiva. But really we are a lot closer to our Muslim brothers and sisters than we realize. They're digging the same God as the other major religions are; they're just interpreting the messages and characteristics differently to suit their own culture. You can’t very well as a responsible human being in this day and age claim to believe that your religion is any more right or true than any other’s.