Homosexuality and Marriage

July 27th,
Yes you know the thing about the barbarians among us is that they never think things through all the way to their rightful conclusions... you know how we have this whole segment of humanity who are deathly afraid of and against homosexuality... they claim that allowing equal rights in regards to same sex marriage and other things would somehow threaten the sanctity of marriage because they claim “marriage is between a man and a woman...” o.k. well that doesn’t even make sense. The best that the enlightened can do in the ongoing battle is just take a deep breath with that one and smile, as you do when a child makes a mistake or does something wrong. the true sanctity of marriage as WE know is all about the love between two people who want to commit to each other, build a life together, and a family, and protect one another as families do. it has nothing to do with being between “a man and a woman.” and it shouldn’t because of course if you are going to have something like marriage set up in a society and you are going to consider it holy and attach all these religious connotations to it as we do, then its sanctity should certainly transcend the “between the sexes” aspect of it entirely; whether its man and man or woman and man or woman and woman. in marriage we are committing to certain almost-impossible-to-attain and highly unnatural ideas, several of them, and we do so because we have convinced ourselves that its for the betterment of our collective society and the individuals doing the committing, but also, and maybe as a way to take the matter more seriously, we also tell ourselves that it’s a “holy thing,” a “righteous thing.” So if two people come to this amazingly monumental decision together, ‘o.k. lets try it, lets go for the whole married forever thing, no matter how utterly, entirely ridiculous it seems, lets give it a try,” then they are committing to this holy thing... they're saying ‘hey o.k. we’re going to go for it., we’re going to fall for it, were going to pretend that there is something holy about two people bonding for life and we’re going to believe it and we’re going to uphold that as best we can together through thick and thin and all those other platitudes ... now I ask you, what has that got to do with man and a woman? the holiness is in the vows that the two people make to one another. The holiness is in that amazing commitment they’ve made to one another.

in this day and age what does the whole man and woman thing have to do with it? I mean, how frightened are these people of losing/compromising the “sanctity of marriage” that they feel that the whole damn thing is threatened by people of the same sex wanting to do it? crazy right? smaller brains I tell you. the barbarians have smaller brains... shouldn’t “the sanctity of marriage” be based on the mutual vows taken by the two individuals and the family they build together, rather than the sex of the two?

o.k. flashback... Perhaps thousands of years ago when cavemen were roaming the earth with their big clubs and beating the shit out of everything they saw either to eat it or fuck it, then maybe yes, o.k., creating marriage between a man and woman was good idea. that coming up with all these “there's a God up there watching you and you better be nice to women and in fact this God I'm telling you about wants you to marry a woman if you sleep with her because chances are she's going to have children and if you marry her then that means that other men aren't going to sleep with her, that’s the good news, so chances are those kids are yours and so someone needs to take care of them and that needs to be you, and oh yeah in the bad news department, it also means that you can’t sleep with any other women you might run into, you need to leave them for the other guys on the lock, because then they're also going to get pregnant and you can only beat the shit out of and kill a certain number of “insert various wild game here” to provide food for everyone so you better just stick with doing one woman so no one starves to death... and yes this is what God wants and if you don't do it, boy oh boy if you think its hard here, wait till you see this place called hell that this God has cooked up for ya...” o.k. you get it? that's marriage in a nutshell, right? and so if you look at it from that perspective, from the origins of it, then yes marriage between a man and woman was a good thing, an important thing. thank God for it. or else a lot of us probably wouldn’t be here. but in this day and age, it’s a whole different thing. ever heard of evolution people? ideas can evolve as well... indeed they must or they will inevitably over time lose their value in societies.


The other thing that is so puzzling about the view the barbarians take about homosexuality is this whole “they weren't born that way, they choose to be that way and it’s wrong...” theory that they love to spout off during the commercial breaks of their favorite sitcoms (TV is huge in the barbarian world), or in between sips of their favorite brewskis (so is beer). Imagine telling your average conservative that he's not really straight, that he's really gay and he's meant to do other guys in the bum, and that's just the way it is, and he better stop saying he was born being attracted to women -- that it’s unnatural to be attracted to women. He’d think you were nuts. Because lets face it, if you're born straight and you're a guy, you're pretty much obsessed with girls from the first moment you can remember. Well guess what guys? those gay guys feel the same way about other guys. o.k. so it seems strange crazy weird freaky, sure, to us... cause we’re straight. But hey that's what they say too.

[in college I had the honor and horror and privilege of rooming with three gay guys for two semesters. Me one straight seventeen year old kid fresh out of high school, and three older gay guys. talk about a wake up call. This is s true story. I knew something was fishy when my roommate had posters of James dean, boy George, and corey hart on his wall. I just knew we weren't in Kansas anymore. But I learned a lot that year. I used to talk to my buddy Ron about doing girls all the time. he was about five years older than I was and he was a bigtime DJ at a local club. He was super popular and super gay. I would always ask him, ‘man don't you just want to see a girl naked and touch her there?!’ and he would shout ‘no way man! that is sooooo gross!’ and he wasn't kidding. He really thought of going down on a girl as being really gross. And of course I really thought going down on a guy was really gross. But he thought it was awesome. we would always try to gross each other out by telling each other our sexual experiences...

I will never forget him telling me about when he was in high school and he would be in the back of his car making out with girls and feeling her up and all that and how grossed out he was. he knew back then that he was different. He tried to resist it because he knew his parents would freak if he told them he was gay and liked guys. But he couldn’t help it. he just did. I will never forget that. I always pictured myself in the back of a car making out with a guy and how grossed out I would be by that. and from that point on I understood the whole gay thing. I think we call it biology. Maybe the conservatives among us never took that class?

So why not just trust them? take them at their word. mind our own business. get on with living our own life. and hey be happy that by them being gay they're taking more men out of the playing field and leaving more chicks for us.