Our good friend Ramstein from Munich is in town right now

Our good friend Ramstein from Munich is in town right now to study of all things SANSCRIT. Leave it to the Germans. The Germans are always the ones that know the most languages of the world. Wow. So Ramstein is learning to read the ancient language of Sanskrit so he can become a better Vedic astrologer. We hadn't seen each other since ‘99. He's a brother. A few years older, and aways been a very interesting character. we spent a great day together today hanging out in union square. I took him to the infamous Coffee Shop so he could see all the beautiful girls there. He has become quite the expert in Vedic astrology. Very different than western astrology. We spoke all day of this and it was fascinating. Hours passed and seemed like minutes. I was captivated by the things he was telling me and showing me about my chart, which he had researched back in Germany based on information I had sent him a few weeks ago.

He told me that I have several special features in my chart that makes it astounding -- that makes me a king, theoretically or astrologically speaking he said, or an ambassador to humanity of some kind -- we had a good laugh over that because the irony didn't escape us when he used that word of course. said that he wanted to show it to me and tell me very important information, as he pulls this stack of papers out of a bag he brought with him. at first I was too busy looking at all the girls in the restaurant. But I could see that he was serious about the subject, so slowly he got me to start focusing in and taking him seriously... He was being very serious. Much more serious than I had ever seen him. you know, we are like brothers. We talk serious at times but we are usually just guys talking about things... He starts asking me all of these questions. Writing things down, or shuffling his papers to look at all these mathematical calculations that he has made.

He said that he had never seen a chart like that before, all the planets grouped together in one sign, especially in the twelfth house etc, and that there was this eclipse in Vedic astrology that was a sign of some great prophecy. now bear in mind, we are in a restaurant that has some of the hottest girls in Manhattan in it, in SUMMER. so they are all barely dressed. So I'm trying to listen, but the truth is that I have heard all of this millions of times before and I'm still not a gazillionair... so I'm thinking privately, hey you know, show me the money baby.... show me the fucking money.

Now of course as fate has it he picks up on this, in fact he picks up on everything I’m thinking usually a minute or two before I even think it. tells me, (try to imagine this German accent coming out of this bald headed intense German blue eyes staring at you, ‘man Fishy, you think that its all about money right? right?’ he flashes me this big smile. ‘you do man! admit it. this is what you think you are working for still. so you spend your whole life waiting for this kind of prosperity to come to you and for dollar bills to come out of the sky on you... but this is not who you are. this has nothing to do with the prosperity that you are here for. you are a king Fishy. so prosperity will be yours. But you are wasting all of your time working because you think you are trying to achieve this kind of prosperity.”
“why do you say this? what makes you think that?” I ask suspiciously. “I don't think it. I see it right here. this isn't like western astrology. Where someone just says something to you because it sounds nice and you want to hear it and maybe it happens and maybe it doesn’t. this is true.” I laugh. How can you not laugh when anyone says anything is “true.” that is a funny thing. if we have learned one thing since we've been here, it is that nothing is true except “I am” and “I am here” and “hey who are you?” And that's about it for truth on planet earth if you're human.


So he continues to ask me questions about what has been happening lately. What happened in 2003? What happened in February. What is happening now? what happened in 2000? Do you remember? He asks me. this is when you first became a wealthy man. do you remember? You were very young. Well how could I forget of course. well here it is and he shows me. this was like an explosion for you. yes I know, I say, but then I have spent so much of it and things have really seemed to die down now... what is that? I ask. well, but it died off because you didn't understand it... you thought it was about money and luxury... but it is happening now for you again but you are ready this time. you are building and in September you are going to have another explosion like you’ve never seen before. only dreamed of. Because now you know. and if you don't, that is why I am telling you this... brother this is important. this is not something that in five years of studying this I have ever seen before in any book. This kind of chart. This is the chart of a king of England or something. did you ever study English history he asks me. and he's serious. You should. You will be a good king. Because your heart is in the right place. but you do not believe it. why not? And I'm looking at him leaning back in my chair like o.k. what kind of crack has Ramstein been smoking over there in Munich... I'm a hard working American schmo. I'm not a king. Eminem is a king. Jay z is a king. Shit, 50 cent is a king now even. But me, I am just another singer in another rock band... or well at least this what I tell myself...

He continues. Tells me that my gift is connecting people together around me like a kingdom, creating large networks where everyone is served by a higher purpose, and that as long as I spent my time helping people who worked in my “empire” then I would always have a large empire and that this had nothing to do with money, although I would always be as wealthy as a king is, but that it didn't have to do with building wealth as other peoples charts do if they're born with it that way, but it had to do with building an empire or a kingdom, very large connected spheres or groups of people all gathered around me and a higher purpose, everyone wealthy because of me and these higher purposes.... As a good king lives, not a bad king he tells me. o.k. cool. because I reflect back on that night when I told my friends around a large table at a restaurant that I believe that ‘your network is equal to your net-worth. Its all connected. The bigger your network, the bigger your net-worth kids,’ I would say. And we would all laugh, but of course I have always believed this to be true.

He asks me what have I been spending my time doing the last few weeks. and he shows me all these strange figures and formulas on one of his pages...

I tell him that I have been spending a few hours everyday for weeks making lists of transgressions I have committed against myself or others throughout my life. writing out the story, feeling the victim side of it, and then getting to the ownership belief of it. of every fucking conflict I have ever had in my life with every single person... getting to my ownership and taking responsibility of my actions and how they have affected myself and others in my life... acknowledging who I really have been and seeing the patterns and the results of my actions in my life and the lives of others...

Wow, he says and his bright eyes are beaming... and he points to the chart and shows me that that was exactly what I should be doing at this time... what made you do this? he asks me. I told him I had learned it from Avatar, I had done about ten days of it a few months ago on a course, and experienced a lot out of it; so I did it again specifically regarding the last ten years of my life and had amazing almost miraculous things happen, besides just such a great feeling of liberation from it. but that in Avatar you just do like two or three of them per round and then you complete it; but that I just decided that I would just work my way backwards throughout my entire life and do as many as I could ever remember and clean up my entire life and its been three weeks now and I'm still doing it. I have about fifty pages of them, two to four sins or selfish acts or transgressions against others per page! I do them every night till I can’t keep my eyes open... I cannot believe what a compromised life I have led so far. far from a good king. More like a dictator or a desperate criminal...

I just decided that I'm going to do this and I'm not going to stop until I'm done. For me its just all about finding the stuff. who am I? who have I been? Why do I do what I do? what is the motivating feeling? What are the motivating fears? Or desires? Or resistances? for me I had such potential and Ramstein I just feel that I used all that power in the wrong ways for most of my life. I see now that I was just a really crazy out of control selfish person who didn't care about anyone but himself... and I'm almost overwhelmed by it. but for all of these years I had it repressed... so I was living through it, but not able to see that. I knew something was wrong... I could see that as my life was not how I see it in my heart of hearts or in my visions of what it is meant to be.... but I could not see what the problem was... and the problem was that even though I had cleaned up my act years ago and began to discover a beautiful person inside of me, I was still operating with all of these actions and their reactions inside of me...

you are right my friend. I became a wealthy man at a very young age. But I do not believe that I was ready as a vessel so to speak to carry it, or to know what to do with it...

Well now I've just gotten so much out of this process. I'm so clear-eyed and free spirited feeling the last few weeks... yes yes. you look better now, younger, happier, than you looked eight years ago, he says.
I feel like I'm walking on clouds or something, I say, its similar to the feeling you get when you fast... really light and cheery. You know that fasting feeling when you don't eat for a week or two? Its like that. its like I am becoming a baby again.

Well brother, I adore that you are doing that. can I say that? I adore it? he asks me if it makes sense in english. yes you can say that. its cute when you say that... Well I adore that you are doing this. it is perfect man. it is exactly what you should be doing now because there is something I need to show you. you have a tendency to work too hard... at the wrong things...

Too hard? I ask. Yes, listen to me... you are not meant to be working hard at things. like a manager... doing manager things... this is not you. but you may think you need to because of how easy it was for you to receive so early in your life and you connected that with all the bad things you caused for others... you connected these results together and now you are like a man sprinting across a field as fast as he can when there are plenty of cars driving along side of him that he could take, but he chooses not to get in the cars... he chooses to sprint and then he passes out at the end of each day... this is you now is it not? yes I answer this is me now...

He Continued. If I busied myself with work and hard tasks out of guilt, or perfectionism, or fear that it will never be done right, that I would always be prone to mediocrity. I confessed to him that that's been my biggest challenge lately... trying to come to grips with the fact that the empire that I have built so far is not nearly as grand or lavish or wealthy as I would have expected it to be when I first started to become aware of this potential that I could feel inside of me from an early age. he said it was right there in the chart and showed it to me. that there is the potential, this special gift of transcendence – and yes he used that word – and yes we both laughed at the irony – because of this uncanny totally insane thing where I had six planets in the twelfth house when I was born and that there was this eclipse of the moon or something...

[Now mind you, in western astrology, when a person has one planet in the twelfth house it can mean one of two things, either they're fucking nuts, total addicts and loony, or they're some kind of spiritual ascended master, like they're in their last life, or all of the above. they have abilities to tap into spheres of consciousness through their minds as he calls them beyond human contact. Now having six planets in the twelfth house, well forget about it. not only is it unheard of, it makes the astrological reader get really scared of the subject because they're thinking this person has got to be completely mad, like they aren't even of this planet. Now two weeks ago I was told the same thing from this western astrologer, a lovely lady, but she assured me that I am not to worry about it. “are you crazy you think?’ she asks me. and I'm like, ‘I don't know. I mean, does anyone ever know if they are crazy? especially if they really are crazy...’ ‘you know Fishy. You can pretend all you want. What this means is that you have this amazing transcendent potential while you are here, like a Buddha or a Gandhi. But you also have the potential to be a recluse and a hermit and a lonely creature of the night, hording your gifts and insight and keeping it all to yourself, spending a lot of time thinking and dreaming and writing... It is something that I have never seen before. not even in books. It is as if you are some kind of messenger. You have nine planets all lined up above your head at the time of your birth, and six of them all in your sun sign and your moon sign and your ascendant sign and all in the twelfth house, the house of the spirit, the house of transcendence, the house of God. It is unheard of. Are you aware of this?’ she was more interested in hearing my experience of my life for her own research than giving me information really. Which was fine with me because I wanted to share because I am at this point where I am at a wall really... wondering what the hell do I do in order to achieve this kingdom on earth so to speak or tap into all the great potential that I feel and that is indicated in this chart... because honestly I don't mind being Mr. hey lets hang out in my kingdom and have a great time, but I want to be able to afford to eat at the same time too. you know. she cautioned me to reflect on the life I have already lived and recognize how unbelievable it already has been... perhaps I am just not seeing what's already been clearly enough. And I know that. but I also know that there is much to do still and I still feel held back compared to what I see in my type-a-personality minds eye...]

Anyway, so back to Ramstein. yeah I know all of this. great. but what does it mean to me? I mean, I'm still me. I'm still moderately struggling I tell Ramstein. He asks me if I work hard. And I say yes. yes. too hard. He tells me that's the problem and again shows it to me in my chart. He says that there is a feature in the chart that clearly shows that I could have the potential to focus too much on serving the coffee to the passengers instead of piloting the plane, even though I am the pilot. Its right there he shows me. and if you can get over that. from this point on, just get over that, stop doing the work and realize that your work is creating networks of people who are fulfilled and happy and satisfied from working with you and around you and for you, that's your work, then you are going to be happier and more fulfilled than you’ve ever been in your entire life. stop serving the coffee bro. start a plantation that grows the coffee so everyone has plenty of coffee but stop thinking you have to be the one who serves it.

you are going to make hundreds and hundreds of people happy in your kingdom from just being you and helping them while they work in your empire or your kingdom. But due to this little feature in your chart, you have a challenge where you aren't quite comfortable with this for whatever reason and you are stopping yourself from actually being who you really are completely. And bear in mind Fishy, if you keep on doing this, you are blocking the happiness and the fulfillment of the hundreds of people who are depending on you building this empire as big as its supposed to be. let me put it this way Fishy. you could make more money and more success from going to one party a week and networking with others, or from playing one concert, than you could sitting at a desk running your band’s record company for a week. this is right here in your chart. That's your real calling. That's your purpose. That's your gift man... that's who you are in your heart.

we are in Starbucks now. “here. do this.” and he puts his fingers to his wrist. Can you feel your pulse? He asks me. yes. what do you feel? I feel life, I answer. yes! he says and smiles big. And what do you have to do to get this life? nothing? I respond. Yes exactly. that is how you are meant to live and work in this world in this life time. it is o.k. for you. For other people this is not the way it is for them. it depends on who they are and how they came into the world. for you, life is easy, receiving is easy, having an kingdom is easy... you have always known this, but you fight it... you are supposed to just go around building things with others, and you aren't the one who does the building. You just give the plans of the building. You need to see this brother. your job is to help others while they work in your kingdom...

O.k. wow. Ramstein, my friend that is enough to digest. I have no idea how you just nailed all that. but I feel what you are saying. I feel it so much brother that I feel like I am shaking... you don't know how much this means to me, how much I can feel what you have been saying... I need to go home and rest and soak this in. thank you so much. see you tomorrow. Totally fascinating. Dead on. I was amazed. I am walking around in shock tonight. just feeling it all out. trying to get control of the information... could it be? could it be true. can I stop serving coffee and just enjoy being the pilot? What is this worry that I have to let go and just fly the plane?


Don't know. we’ll see.


But I bet it has a lot to do with this work I have been doing. This past life I have lived the last thirty years of confusion and deception and dishonor and disrespect to others and to myself... and miraculously I have been cleaning it up. without Ramstein or anyone telling me to. I was just called intuitively to do this exercise and to continue to do it until I can’t find anything left. little by little, day by day, softer and softer, lighter and lighter. happier and happier, freer and freer...

we’re not home-free yet. i have gone as far back as junior high school now and some elementary school. Tonight I am headed into more elementary school years and even further back, to my earliest memories of when I first got the very first ideas to lie or to deceive or to manipulate or use or abuse another person or betray my own intuition or trust. After this round I will then rest and then start again and target specifically the areas of my career, money, my father, and then my mother. I need to get to those very first moments of consciousness when a being first begins to fear or distrust and resorts to dishonorable acts because of that fear or that distrust...

I have found that it is always the same things underneath it all. fear that I am not enough. Fear that I am not liked enough. Fear that I am not loved enough. Fear that I am not good enough. Fear that I do not have enough. That is it in a nutshell. fear leads to a dishonorable act.

The act leads to subconscious judgment of self and projected judgment onto others and to repressed guilt. The judgment and repressed guilt leads to more unconscious fear or resistance, which leads to another dishonorable act. After a while we don't even notice them. they seem like very normal ways of just living in the world like everyone else. And on and on it goes. It’s a circle. Now you are on automatic pilot. Operating your human spaceship as most people in the world do. we don't notice our own dishonorable acts anymore. But we do notice the acts of others. our TV news is filled with the reporting of the dishonorable acts of “others” the “them not us” that do all the wrong in the world.

What we have is the smoke left over, which is our judgment of others. all day long we listen to a tape loop in our mind chatter of our innumerable judgments of others... I never could figure out what that was... I just thought it was part of being human... I knew it was a symptom of something. I knew that just trying to stop it or discreate it was never going to stop it because in itself it isn't an “anything” at all. it is a sign of another “something.” the judgment of others is our projected judgment of ourselves onto others about our own acts that we feel repressed guilt over. And I would say as well these judgments are our reaction to the unconscious fears we have come to become accustomed to living with of not being good enough or not having enough (which really in itself is just another way of fearing not being good enough. I think “having” is just a cover for “being” when you break it down at its core.)

For me now, even though I now understand this intellectually and very much experientially as well, I feel a strong impulse to continue to acknowledge every act ever committed from these places, to break them down to their core, to own them, to feel the responsibility for them, and to rid myself of their memory and any stuck attention I may have of them inside of myself. I will become a clean machine. It is like when we are on the subway or in a store and a baby in a carriage smiles at us and it is this smile or sunshine and innocence that makes us feel so good... and then you look up at an adult and most of the time you don't even get a look in the eye from another person... they look away. you look away. but if you do get a look in the eye, it is a look of fear, or suspicion, of hardness, of defense or offense or pretense.... that is the fear of being a grownup in the world. The key is to go back, all the way back, before that fear became our way of life in the universe. Back before there was fear. When life was just life and it was unquestioned.


At one point we got started talking about it from a more general perspective. I had appreciated the three days that we had spent in the park discussing these things. I had learned a lot. all of my life I had money. if I wasn't earning it, it was falling from the sky. This has always just been the way my life has worked. But at the same time I have never been able to save money. I have made millions of dollars in the last ten years for example but have very little of it left. Now that sounds hard to believe, but trust me, its true and its not something I'm proud of. If it weren't for this never-ending belief I have in myself and that I'll always come out on top and in my ability to make money I would probably be scared shitless. But for some reason I'm not. but that's not the point. The point is that that's an amazing thing indeed and I have always wondered about it. what the hell is that? I have always wondered about that. why can’t I hang onto money. and right there on the chart he showed my why, cosmically at least, astrologically speaking. your money making power is collected in the twelfth house. in fact your whole chart is collected there. which makes you a deep and spiritual person who is in touch with the other side and able to get these flashes from the spiritual realm which I know you are well aware of, but it is also the house of sex and drugs and sleep and dreaming... so anyone could guess that you sing about women, sex, drugs, and spiritual matters – this is in your chart right here... you love to sleep, its right there. you wrote a whole album called sleep with you. funny man. very funny because its right here. but it is also the house of expenditures, so you have this amazing ability to make money but it is as if it flows through you and you never get to keep it. you make it and then its gone. You have twenty dollars in your pocket yesterday and you give it to a homeless man just because he asks you for it. this is crazy man. I asked you what you would do and your answer was ‘no big deal, I'll be o.k...’ this is something you need to work on, saving money... wow. amazing.

Goes on to explain that one of my truest gifts is communicating with people. that when I am around people I light up and when people are around me they light up. that I can bring whole crowds together to talk and dance and sing. True that. no truer words were spoken. And that the person with this chart has a fascination with foreign languages and travel. Are you still learning other languages like you used to? you used to be so crazy for learning languages. I tell him yes. great. what else?

ok so of course I'm intrigued. Good stuff. he then goes on to explain that Venus rules beauty and the fine arts of singing and drama and dancing and that it happens to be in my second house which rules the mouth among other things so any astrologer could see that I was a singer and that it is not something I work at or deserve to take credit for but that it was something I was born with it. he puts his fingers to his pulse to show me. you are singer like blood flows through your veins. [now I'll tell you right here, say what you will about not taking credit for being a singer, but I've spent my whole life taking lessons in music and honing my skills and have been completely obsessed with studying it and trying to be as good as I can be at it. so I would say sure there is a natural tendency there but that doesn’t mean that you haven't worked at it. but we’ll get to this later.]

it began to seem almost like a nightmare... by the time he was going to be done I thought he would have my entire life mapped out and I, I, I, wouldn’t have a say in any of it. It would be entirely decided by the planets in the sky and have nothing to do with me at all...


so we start speaking more general. And I am happy for him that he has found something so fulfilling in his life that he would fly half way around the world to study the ancient language of Sanskrit so he can become a better Vedic astrologer. But I want to ask him about how beings can transcend their charts. As in western astrology we have positive and negative aspects in the heavens when we are born and we have the ability to expand on the positive and minimize or transcend beyond the negative. He began to get angry. I could feel his feel change. The tension increased in our space. I was being myself. happy free open curious fascinated. But he would not have it. he said that western astrology is shit and psycho-babble and Vedic astrology is just the way it is. now we had met during an Avatar course about eight years prior. I do not remember where. But we were connected or so I thought through a very profound understanding of how consciousness works in the universe. That consciousness, human consciousness, is able to create or discreate anything it wants to through beliefs that it chooses to hold.

‘but bro, certainly you don't believe that we are bound to these beliefs?’ I ask. ‘these are not beliefs’ he responds. ‘this is the way that it is.’ now i have always been wary and in fact humored by this phrase ‘this is just the way it is,’ because certainly if our years on earth and our study of history has taught us nothing else it is that there is no such thing as ‘just the way it is.’ and if that weren't enough, Ramstein and I had already stood on top of the mountain and seen the light. we had experienced pure beingness, unadulterated Sourceness through the discreation of the majority of our beliefs and the appreciation of all that is for brief moments in our study and practice of Avatar materials, themselves ancient and taken from Vedic scripture. So we knew, without a shadow of a doubt that we are able to create whatever the hell we want to, or discreate on the other hand, as we wished. Any being could. that is the gift of pure awareness operating as consciousness and using its will to control its attention. not easy stuff and but not that hard either. And especially now after more than ten years of practice. I don't know how his life has been over the last ten years, but I have made tremendous gains in my ability to use these principles to create amazing things. and more than that, achieve a state of happiness and contentment that I never thought possible as I was growing up in a rather dysfunctional household oh so many years ago.


He had this condescending smile on his face... as if to ask why would I even ask about such things in the face of such groundbreaking carved in stone secret knowledge.
‘Do you think that you are more enlightened than this ancient knowledge?’ and I replied, ‘well of course I do. Don't you? don't you think you are? I mean this stuff is really old and I think its very valuable, but you can’t tell me that you believe that as humans we are weaker than this belief system...’
‘this isn't a belief system man,’ he replied sternly.
‘but of course it is man,’ I reply. ‘its like anything else. there's western astrology and Chinese astrology and now we discover there is Vedic astrology. But what the hell did we spend the last ten years and thousands of hours and tens of thousands of dollars on learning to create with our will as super-creative and powerful beings doing? Was it all to eventually fall back on some old belief system? we are more enlightened than that.’
‘a person is not more enlightened than this knowledge Fishy. this is your life. you cannot do anything about it. it is just the way it is. you think you are some Guru now do you?’
‘well no, but I don't believe that enlightenment is some unobtainable thing that we need to sit on top of a mountain to get. I don't believe that it is coincidental or mysterious. I believe that a being makes a conscious effort to attain enlightenment and there are a series of action steps that a person takes to achieve enlightenment and that for each person this is going to be different, depending on who they are and where they grow up and where they live. its all relative. And if after taking these action steps a person reaches a point where they can honestly and comfortably say that they are enlightened then God bless them. chances are, they probably are. to themselves at least.’

‘and you think that you are now enlightened?’ he smiles a wicked smile, an unfriendly smile, a patronizing smile. ‘like some Guru on a mountain?’ ‘no. but more like some thirty year old living in New York city. as I should be. I don't live on a mountain. I live in a townhouse in New York. and of course there are degrees to enlightenment. Perhaps I could achieve more enlightenment if I wasn't so obsessed with money and with fame and with women and with doing stuff. But is that to say that some monk on a mountain who owns nothing and does nothing but meditate all day is more enlightened than some guy who lives in New York and makes love to a different girl every night? Fuck no man. no way. not a chance.’ And let me tell you, that in that moment I felt wider, and happier, and more open and more comfortable and more accepting of myself and in my own shoes than perhaps at any other time in my life.

Well I don't have to tell you that in that moment Ramstein got up, packed his bag and walked away. I believe that he uttered something about ‘and this is my problem with you man...’ and that was it. I stood there and watched him walk away.

But here's the thing. I felt good. I didn't feel bad about it. I understood. I breathed. I took it all in. my God, could it be true? could that be enlightenment? To know in your heart that you are happy and you are confident and finally secure with who you are? and that you are free from guilt and playing the right and wrong game? That you know you sin and transgress and make mistakes, but that you are willing to accept them and acknowledge them and make amends for them? and that at long last you can breathe again and when you breathe you feel a sense of ‘I am happy to be me?’ could this be it?

I walked back to the studio happy and sad. Sad that I could not get Ramstein to see that we are beyond any particular manmade belief systems, that we are bigger than that. that we have evolved beyond it. but I was happy because I didn't feel any doubt about it or what I had said. I realized there, perhaps for the first time ever in real life and NOT on SOME MOUNTAIN, that I was happy to be on the path that I am on. I wasn't still studying and learning and meditating and chanting and praying and trying to figure it all out in frustration and eagerness to gain some understanding... I had achieved at least in that moment something that took years and years to collect, something that culminated from thousands of hours of practice and study: the feeling that I was in the right place at the right time saying the right thing. to me. for me. at that moment. with no doubts. No wondering if I was full of shit or possibly mistaken. You could collect it all together, everything that I felt in that moment, and call it peace. It was a feeling of profound peace. And joy. peace and joy. my God. if that's no enlightenment, then what is?




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Then later the cat calls. yes, THE CAT. The same cat. Been writing about her and the Wolf for almost longer than anyone else. gosh its been twenty years now. anyway, like I've said, I love the Wolf, but I just ended up spending more time talking to the cat over the years than with him even though I first was friends with him. life works that way sometimes. Anyway, she's packing up the girls and moving to Tuscany to run a bed and breakfast. The girls will go to school there and the cat will run this place. so she invited me there as soon as I get some free time, which I hope to do come end of summer or early fall. If I can do the Paris thing first for a spell and master the dreaded French, then the Tuscany thing would be a great place to chill in the country and get some serious writing done. (now that's funny! How much more can a fucking person write for gods sake Fishy?!) well I don't consider what I do with these diaries writing. more like regurgitating. But I mean more serious sit down and actually finish something. the diaries just seem to go on forever...



From the mailbox:

-----Original Message-----
From: fatherbloopy@xxxx.com [mailto:]
Sent: Sunday, July 24, 2005 4:09 AM
To: roackaway@gmail.com; fishy@transcendence.com
Cc: vancouver@aol.com; thepoet@hotmail.com; drummerboy@bellsouth.net; pianoman@bellsouth.net; zeke@zachziskin.com
Subject: Re: the jasmine controversy

As for the song Jasmine, don't release it! Lock it away for when we all decide we finally want a hit.
Haha, just kidding.

However, on similar lines to rockaways's solution, there is this thing with a CD burning program one can do. Burn a CD with it and without it and then listen through and decide if it fits or if it really doesn't.
I know I won't have an opinion until I do that, really.

I'm gonna rant right now.
I keep getting into arguments on how The Beatles wouldn't get signed today. My argument is no one would be getting signed if it weren't for The Beatles, but I understand the point they're trying to make.
How can you market a Revolver... featuring Tomorrow Never Knows and Yellow Submarine and the Classical Pop radio #1 Eleanor Rigby and the white-soul radio #4 Got To Get You Into My Life... you know, it's all over the place. The only constant is creativity. It is true,
it was just a way different time then but now it seems creativity only means artist is unfocused, confused, stupid, weird... and makes the marketing people the same way. But I can rest assured Revolver will still be selling in 2010 while Rob Thomas' current album will be in a landfill being converted into the energy used to crank up Revolver.

But then that's another debate... will there still be albums in 2010 or just downloads into our iPod installed in our brains.


Yo Dudes, this is going into the Transcendence Diaries. Bloopy no one could have said it better. You hit it dead on.

You know I have this old girlfriend from high school – you know Vicki who gave me my first hicky from the song? That's a true story as crazy as it sounds that whole fucking song is a true story. We were in ninth grade and boy did I wear that hicky like a proud mofo... anyway, she and I have been speaking lately for the first time in years and she called me late last night and said she just picked up NIC from her local record store and she was calling to tell me that she was so impressed and we were so good and she couldn’t believe it etc.. she said there was a huge difference between swy and NIC. and the music was so fresh and exciting and musical etc... what's funny is that she already owned SWY because of the song Minnie driver... now THAT'S funny. But she heard NIC and just said she couldn’t believe it and all over the place or not it worked for her. so I agree with you Bloop. Though I don't want to do that with the new one because quite frankly I want some fucking money and limos and leer jets and packed houses so if that means we make just ONE album that has all the same style then fine, we’ll do that. and then we’ll come back with our own revolver.

But I will add this: from a kids viewpoint when I was checking out all of my moms old Beatles LPs when I was a kid revolver was always the album I liked the least exactly because of that reason. Because it was all over the place. it never dropped into a vibe. It had too many vibes. I loved good day sunshine but I hated tomorrow never knows because I was young and it scared the shit out of me. I loved Eleanor Rigby and here there and everywhere and taxman but didn't care much for got to get you into my life because it didn't sound like the Beatles. Still doesn’t. so you see... there is something to all of that....


Last screening: cocksucker blues. Hardcore. See if you're a fan of the stones and you're open to ANYTHING. This is rock and roll and there's not much music in It — a lot of cocksucking and drugs to be sure but not a lot of music. there is a reason why this has still never been released. I'll put it that way.