Sept 5th You can actually feel fall in the air.

Sept 5th
You can actually feel fall in the air. Something happened in New York over the weekend. One day we just woke up and fall was in the air all of a sudden. It was out of the blue truly. You can feel the chill of the coming autumn season now. a slight chill in the air. A cool breeze bouncing around. Certainly we are all psyched and it’s the main topic of initial conversation among manhattanites because everyone was getting so uptight from the constant onslaught of heat and humidity, but it always leads to a slight despair and a big sigh, because we all know, without even saying it, that we have less than a few months left before the dreaded winter season kicks in and we are faced with the inevitable six months of brutal cold and depressing darkness... even though everyone here seems so happy that fall is finally here, I don't feel that I have had enough of the heat and find myself absolutely dreading the coming cold weather. no wonder everyone leaves come January if they are able to. its already getting cold here.


I am starting to get a LITTLE BIT frustrated with the cultural diversity of living in NYC. I had left Miami because of this, not just because of this, but definitely one of the many reasons... but today I was in an uptown all purpose store and I went to the cash register and asked for some tacks. The lady, who was South American and who didn't speak very good English, didn't know what the word tacks meant. another lady who worked there who was black and probably from Haiti or some African country and who also didn't speak very good English said she didn't know what tacks were either. And a third lady who was in line who was Asian and who also didn't speak very good English also didn't know what tacks were. So I said, ‘you know this is such a New York moment...’ and we all laughed, but still it was frustrating. Finally after playing a brief game of charades I was finally able to get across to them what “tacks” were and we did eventually find some... but you know that is just so New York. the things we take for granted in the rest of the country...


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Dreamed about our gifted class from seventh grade again last night. I dream of them often, that same little group. there were about twenty of us in that class and we went to all the same classes together all day long, just the twenty of us, which really singled us out and separated us from the rest of the kids in our grade. Although I was only at that school for about half the year, because we moved to Pine Ridge somewhere towards the end of the second semester, that class has just always stuck with me. That small group of people left an indelible imprint on my memory bank. I think it was because everyone in that class was so smart, we didn't feel like outcasts because we all had each other to lean on and look to for support. We were the total geeks of the school. We collected coins and stamps and insects and built rockets and we all wore glasses. That type of thing. In general a well to do, clean-cut, and well mannered group of kids who tested above the grade, or excelled at one thing or another. For me I'm not sure how I got in there but I was always in those classes since I was a kid, maybe that was it, I was just grandfathered in. Or maybe it was my creativity because I was already playing a few instruments by that age, though not well, that's for sure. I still don't play any instruments well... or it could have been testing, because I never did any actual work in school and always maintained a C- or D grade point average. Just enough to pass each year... but somehow I was always in these gifted classes. Maybe the teachers and my parents saw or knew something that I didn't, because honestly I struggled with such bad ADD and hyperactivity I just always felt lost and confused in school.

You know looking back, I just realized that in that small class of twenty that there were three pairs of twins... six twins... weird now that I think of it. Dear Juliet was in it that class. that's where I know her from. And so was StuGuru and the Toad and David Codel who is now a bigtime gay rights attorney now in L.A. But looking back now I never thought about it, but I was in that class with those kids for less than one year and then we moved out of town, and yet three of my life-long dearest friends that I still have today came from that very brief time. Perhaps that is why I still dream of that particular class, and look back with such fondness on it. there is one anecdote that comes to mind that has gained infamy over the years amongst our group, and that is one particular book report assignment that we had to complete. Of course I didn't believe in actually doing things like that, and at the time I wasn't a reader at all, at least not when I was forced to read something. I don't remember the book I chose but everyone took a few weeks to read their book and then head on up to the front of the class to read their report. But me, I didn't actually read the book. Obviously I was too busy with more important things... so the night before I had just copied the pull-quotes from the front and back of the book cover onto a piece of paper and went up there and read them to the class. “...a compelling novel of immeasurable intrigue and imagination.” James Wheatley, Harpers. And on and on I went. The class was in hysterics with my audacity, and the teacher just looked at me like “you're not really going to call that a book report are you? Certainly you are kidding.” But he gave me a D for originality. And I think that pretty much sums up how I made it through my 12 years of schooling.

In freshman year drama class I never once in a solid year acted in anything, nor gave a dialogue, nor a soliloquy, or anything like that. I would just use the opportunity to get up and play and sing a song on my guitar. I did Alice’s Restaurant, an a capella version of blue suede shoes, an instrumental version of stairway to heaven. Things like that. all year long. But somehow I passed that class too. by my sophomore year, it became painfully obvious that I was so “out there” that I was never going to actually make it through high school unless I was placed in special programs. So besides gifted class which by then was only one class a day, the rest of the time I was put in these special classes for I don't know what you would call us, rejects or whatever. so one class was reading. And in that class all we did was lay around and read a book all hour and when we were done we just went up to the teacher and told him what we got out of it. that's when I read the Dylan and Hendrix and led zeppelin biographies, which really helped shape who I was to become later in life. that was a great class. in another class I was just allowed to sit in a room and play any musical instruments I wanted to for an hour and every week or so the teacher would listen to me play something for him. that was cool. free practice time. then there was chorus class. where we would just sing the whole hour. then there was PE which was always fun. and lunch which was always fun. I did have to attend math classes with everyone else, but I never remember having my books or understanding what was going on. I used math class to flirt or doodle or read other books. By that time I had become obsessed with reading, but only with reading what I wanted to, not with what I was assigned to.

I never understood why we were learning any of that. math I mean. I was sure I would never use it. and I was right. now that I have learned that my personality type is what is known as an “excitement seeker/bottom-liner” combination, I was right not to pay attention to math, and justified in it. People like that are just never going to do anything that would require complex math of any kind. we’re always just jumping from one project to another, usually self created projects that we source the idea of and fund but don't actually do much of the work involved in, business starters, what we call entrepreneurs... and that's pretty much been my thing since I graduated from high school. I've been self employed since I was 17, realizing that I could make a killing taking the English portion of SATs for kids for 500 bucks a pop since that was so easy for me, and then for a few years I had this business where I did book reports and essays and anything else I could get money for. After a while I didn't even have to do the work because I had amassed such a huge collection of papers that I had already written I would just keep reselling them over and over again depending on who the professor was. they were already proven A papers and I guaranteed it to my customers. So I always got good money for them. A little known bit of trivia is that that is actually how I met my first love and future best friend, Madelynne O'Ryan. She was Ducky’s roommate in college and she hired me to write her papers for the first few years since I was already writing them for Ducky too. So there was always good money in that for me.

I'm still not sure how I managed to get through high school without actually ever passing a math class though. I always just remember signing my name at the top of the tests and then taking wild stabs at all the answers or doodling on the pages and turning them in blank. Maybe they just passed me to get me through. I don't know. But in college it really hit home when I took the entrance exams and couldn’t get above a 300 in math on the SAT. So I traded the math portion for the English portion with my roommate and we retook the SATs using fake IDs for each other. I got close to an 800 in English and he got me close to an 800 in math. Hence my stellar SAT score. And then I traded him rent money to actually sit in class and take my 2 math requirement classes for college. Some would call that ...hhhmmm... cheating, I guess. But like I said, I looked at it all as just being an early-entrepreneur.

What's funny now is that I look at it very differently. With the new knowledge I have... and all that I have learned about myself and how consciousness works... I realize now that I was in fact indeed a cheater. And that's why we can’t get too mad at Bush or anyone else in the world. Because we are human. We all make these decisions... we all make mistakes, and often times we don't know we are making mistakes...


Sept 4th
Tossing and turning all night with these strange dreams of war.... but it wasn't some far away war being fought on foreign soil but a war right here at home. everything we were doing in the dreams had to do with the war, with fighting this battle that was raging here at home in America. It was eerie and disabled me from going back to sleep so I just stayed awake, and this was like 8am in the morning on a Sunday... not like me, but it was a haunting vision.

The intrigue of this dream was compounded by the fact that in the Abyssinian Baptist church in Harlem today or yesterday the preacher referred to the war being fought in America now. BUT NOT THE Iraq WAR, he emphasized, but the war being fought right here in America against government irresponsibility and dishonesty, and for human and civil rights. The whole church applauded. There is a palpable dislike for the current administration in America now. especially amongst the black people. the preacher even took a stab at condie Rice and implied that she had sold out her blackness to be a corporate puppet to an evil regime, admonishing her for taking part in the brutal slaughter of innocent Iraqis in an unjust war. To hear all this going on in a church left one breathless.


Woke up to read that chief justice Rehnquist for the supreme court died. Already a staunch old world conservative, this has no bearing, except that because bush is in power we are sure to have the seat filled by another staunch old world conservative. The battle will still rage unchanged by this.

Check it from CNN:

“Supreme Court analysts say Rehnquist's judicial legacy is wide-ranging. In the area of federalism, he consistently sided with states that were sued over violating congressional law, including age discrimination, the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Violence Against Women Act. He guided the court to spare states some impositions of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act and the Brady gun control laws.”

“...he opposed the court's June 2003 decision to strike down a Texas state law banning private consensual sex between adults of the same sex and to reverse a previous ruling that upheld state sodomy laws.”

This loosely translates as “for the states, against the people,” or better, “pro-government, anti-anyone-who-is-not-white-straight-male. Anti anyone who is handicap, gay, or not-Christian.” Welcome to the world of republicans... they call that conservatism which is truly fascinating when you think about it. there is nothing conservative about it. it is completely radical.


Hey Tuesday,
Great day today! I wish you were with us. thought of you a lot. hope you had fun with your friends... [I'm grabbing this for a diary entry so forgive the none too subtle candor of certain passages...] went to Abyssinian Baptist church again with Sdawg and her brother and his friend in from Boston who works for a very cool children’s non-profit, and with Providence who is this ex-Amish girl, who happens to be the assistant to the foremost western authority on Tibetan Buddhism in the world, one Mr. Robert Thurman. We then went to brunch at a soul-food by the pound buffet in Harlem. Which was quite the experience. Certainly not your usual Sunday brunch establishment. And then onto the subway to head way uptown to the Cloisters, an old Spanish and French monastery that the Met brought over from Europe brick by brick and rebuilt here on the uppermost tip of Manhattan.

Conversation was accented primarily with ideas around what to do about corporate controlled western civilization specifically in how it relates to the country of Tibet and how their entire culture is slowly becoming diluted and dissolving right before our eyes since china invaded their country and who the rest of the world isn't doing anything to stop it.

At the restaurant in Harlem I notice a poster of Malcolm X that quotes him as saying “by whatever means necessary...” powerful words indeed. and I of course am leaning more towards that now with respect to what we need to do to instigate real social change and begin to get some justice back into the world at large. I'm sick of non-violence and peaceful protest and how it never seems to really accomplish anything... some of the others disagree with me. and a healthy and stimulating discourse ensues that highlights our entire day.

I decide that before I make a final decision, I need to study even more, not that I haven't already, because I have spent the last twenty years doing so, the history of how social justice and civil rights have been acquired in the past... does it always have to be through violent action? I lean towards yes. someone else points towards the work of Gandhi, but indeed he is just one example... he did achieve what he set out to, freedom from the evil imperialist clutches of Churchill and Britain. But that is again just one example... fascinating stuff.


I started noticing today another thought, just a bubble that was percolating in the old noggin and tickling the heart... was thinking something to the effect of.... perhaps an even cooler place to be at this time in our lives would be able to see a bunch of girls/boys at the same time, and actually be happy that one ISN'T IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, because once you go there, you're there, I mean, that's it. You're committed by the very nature of the obligation that a committed relationship requires...

But on the other hand, if one is able to just really enjoy oneself fully and completely, I mean, if one is able to give ultimate love and affection and passion and compassion to oneself so much so that we become our own lover, we become the man or woman of our dreams, then we are able to really explore life to its fullest and all that it has to offer; meaning all the various different wonderful people there are out there to spend time with. Without being tied down to just one... especially not to be tied down to one person for the amount of time we call "forever"... (forever meaning what? by its definition "the rest of one's entire life?!") which to me seems truly at this point like an impossible concept, an ideal at best perhaps, but entirely unreachable, something akin to traveling at the speed of light or something like that...

So what if rather than always "looking for "the one," we instead opened up to "finding the "ones?" And what if in that space we could find true bliss and happiness? Which is what we project onto the future if we could just "find the one," right? But if we could possibly create a way to give ourselves everything that (we project onto) and assume "finding the one" will give us, but give it to ourselves, provide that for ourselves, then we wouldn’t have a problem being alone and just enjoying the company of "many."

Sort of a fruit salad versus a melon platter or simply an apple, or an orange, for example...

When I was in class the last three days the instructor who was an awesome guy by the way kept recounting various stories from his marriage of twenty some years to the same wife. And I couldn’t help but notice that his wife didn't have very large breasts... and I kept thinking to myself, my God, that man hasn’t had a nice big pair of breasts bounced in his face in over twenty years. what horror... now of course I'm projecting my own fantasies and desires and likes onto this guy, and granted, he may not give two shits about a nice big pair of juicy breasts... that may not be his thing. and gosh I would hope it wasn't, because if it is his thing, and he's just been going without it for twenty years... wow, that would really suck... all just because of this manmade institution we've created called commitment and marriage.

And beyond that, what about the men who have been married to the same woman but she has nice big breasts and he's never had the opportunity to be with a flat-chested woman, which can also be just as titillating in its own right... as he says in wedding crashers, just to have the opportunity to "go get some strange ass."

I mean, there's definite joy in that to be sure. But yes, there's definitely something to be said about the joy and fulfillment that can be had in a committed relationship. Children for one. security. A home. but can a person create security and a home on their own? without a significant other? yes probably. Definitely. But children? Probably not. and what about the holidays? I mean, without a spouse and children of one's own, the holidays can definitely be rather lonely and depressing... so that's there for sure.

So eventually it would seem, a person would want to get to that experience of bonding with one person for a long period of time... to be able to build all those things together... but I guess what I mean, is that something like that might be magic... you know, you either get struck by cupid’s arrow or you don't. we've all been there. we know what that's like. And that's an amazing thing, probably the closest thing to magic we can experience here on earth as humans... but UNTIL that time arrives, maybe we shouldn’t be in such a hurry to find it... should we not be in a space where rather than searching for it, we are instead taking every opportunity to really offer all that comes with that to ourselves all on our own? taking advantage of our being alone, and all the advantages of that, and really enjoying all the different fruits that are on the buffet table? Yes indeed, I believe that's it.

Just some thoughts Tuesday.

Hope you had a great day.
Love you,
Fishy


September 3rd
Three days solid of advanced trading classes learning technical analysis. Totally wiped out. later on that evening after literally falling asleep from pure exhaustion sitting straight up, mouth hanging open, clothes on, lights on, I receive a call from Juliet who is assuming she will just leave a message. But I answer. and we share our usual depth and profundity along with an assortment of laughs.

Jules asks me what are you seeing with the music community in regards to the Katrina hurricane and all that... and I tell her about all the various charity events happening around the city and the compilation cds coming out and the charity concerts etc... everyday I get another invitation to another charity event or asked to play a free concert... but really Jules it bothers me.... New Orleans, this whole thing, we shouldn’t have to be raising money for this. lets be real. Starving artists shouldn’t have to be giving away the money they make from their limited CD sales to help an American city under water. We’re the richest country in the world and we have plenty of money. our government has plenty of money... has everyone forgotten that our government is currently spending 50 billion dollars a year on destroying the country of Iraq? I mean, we have plenty of money for that. so the simple truth is that when we experience a tragedy right here at home, it should be 1 2 3 bam its fixed. Here's the national guard, here's the military and medical support and here's the money you need to fix this problem. the two former presidents coming on TV and asking us to give our money for this... its bullshit. we shouldn’t have to. they have no problem with our tax dollars paying billions of dollars so they can take over the country of Iraq... so what the hell are they doing coming on TV asking us for money to fix new Orleans? Its bullshit. the money is obviously there, because they're already spending it on Iraq, so just take the money and fix new Orleans lets start getting real.

And Jules I'm not saying that I'm against the war in Iraq now. because I've changed my position on that now... you have? yeah. I had to. because I realized that there is no war in Iraq. That wasn't a war. and it isn't a war now. that was an invasion. We went into a another country and destroyed their infrastructure and demolished their government and governing body so we can’t leave now. we have to finish the job or we’re going to have total chaos and anarchy all over that region and perhaps all over the world. we destroyed their country and now we have to finish it. was it a bullshit invasion? Yes. was it all a lie? Sure. A blatant lie and a fraud to be sure, and I feel for those mothers down in Texas who want the war to end and their sons to come home but there is no war. this is not a war. so we can’t end it. this is us having to fix and stabilize a country we destroyed. We can’t leave now. were going to need to be there for another five to ten years period in order to stabilize that country and assure peace in that region or else we’re setting ourselves up and the rest of the world for total anarchy. I get calls about the anti-war march coming up in DC September 24th but I can’t participate because what are we marching against? Anti war? there is no war to march against. Now its all about us fixing the fucking problem we created by invading that country... we can’t leave now. lets face it. they won. The dark forces won. They deceived the people and they marched into that country on our tax dollars for ulterior motives and killed thousands of innocent people and those of us that are aware knew from the beginning but we were unable to stop it because the majority of the American people weren't there yet. they were blind to what was really going on. so here we are. caught right in the middle of a fucking catastrophe, we opened up a Pandora’s box, and we now have to finish it. unfortunately those mothers and fathers have to pay the price of what this evil regime did in Iraq and they might lose more of their kids... my friends and I lost a good friend from high school recently in this fucking Iraq debacle. He's dead. And that sucks for his family and for all of us.... but its real. Bush and his cronies won. They did it and now we have to finish it.

She asks me, with all this darkness in the world, what is the balancing force do you think? So you think there is enough lightness in the world to balance this out? What is going to happen to these two opposing operating poles that are at play in the world? where is the other kite string?

We discuss that while it does appear that the world is now full of darkness to be sure primarily because of the bush administration and other dictatorships, one can also see that we are becoming more activist oriented and more spiritual everyday as a people. People are waking up. so while the darkness continues to fight for dominance, the light is slowly starting to seep in to human consciousness... we see it all around us. all the different spiritual traditions of the world are starting to become very mainstream and popular now. people are becoming more spiritual and more politically and socially active... and more giving in general.... its happening.

We have entered what in many religious traditions is called the apocalypse. With the hurricanes last year and the tsunami and this new hurricane down South... these events were like the coming out party for the apocalypse, really September 11th was the coming out party for it, or perhaps Gabriel’s trumpet call that the apocalypse has officially started... and the antichrist that is spoken about is not just one person as predicted. After all that's all metaphor anyway. but take a look at the current white house administration and you will see the feet of the giant antichrist consciousness that is now becoming a dominant force in the world.

Look at the face of gw bush or Condoleezza rice and Rumsfeld and Cheney and we are seeing the face of what certain religious traditions call “the antichrist”... its not one person. it’s a metaphor for the rise of the darkest forces of humanity coming to power. It is said in the Christians bible that the antichrist would fool all of the people at first. not all of them, but many of them. and obviously these men are not fooling people like you and I Jules, but they have managed to fool most of the American people, especially the Christians... and that's what the bible said would happen. he would pretend to be good and the people will be fooled and that is what is happening right now. pat Robertson the leader of the Christian right in America, supposedly Christianity stands for peace from what I know, is calling for us to assassinate the president of Venezuela... its just another face of the antichrist rearing up his head in the apocalypse...

We got a whole group of people running around pretending to be good because they talk a good talk... look at sept 11th, the president is in a school classroom and hears that the country has just been attacked and its on film. he doesn’t even flinch. He keeps on reading.... now any other president would have jumped the fuck up and gotten the hell out of that classroom and gone berserk... but chances are this guy knew this already... he knew we were going to be attacked. [go here and to many other sites and begin the very saddening discovery of the various research that is being done around the world to put the pieces and clues together: http://ny911truth.org/articles/what_action_looks_like.htm ] So then what does he do. he closes the airports to cover his ass and make it seem like he really cares about this supposed “emergency” BUT he secretly flies the whole bin laden family out of the country on private jets without allowing the police or the cia or the fbi to question any of them.... well how did they know to fly this family out? I mean, hours later, how did they know that it had anything to do with the bin ladens? You see? They knew the whole time. bam. Before it was even discovered what had happened, or who did it, or why, the bush administration already knew it was “bin laden” and was flying his family out of the country... They get out to safety and our government isn't even allowed to question them about Osama’s whereabouts or anything else that might help us figure this thing out... and of course, ironically enough its because the Bush’s are in business with the bin ladens selling oil and selling weapons and go knows what else. and them bam a few months later they're invading a country who never attacked us or even threatened us but they happen to control the second largest oil reserves in the entire world and we had been secretly supporting Saddam Hussein for two decades and were the ones who gave him his weapons of mass destruction and his chemical and biological weapons to use on the kurds and Shiites.... “on his own people” as they love to quote even though it was them the American government that was giving him the means to do it and authority to do it .... and so now they go in to take over his country and strangely enough Saudi Arabia, a Muslim country, doesn’t care at all, wonder why.... and yet these are supposedly the “good guys.” you know its just totally sickening and twisted..

And yeah we can see it but most of the other Americans can’t yet. and that's exactly the way the bible and other religious traditions said it would play out... the majority of the good people would be fooled at first. but to people like you and me and so many of our friends, it seems obvious what's happening... but we are just now having to wait for the all the other people to wake up and see what's really happening...

they are full of lies and deceit and the people are blind to it, but eventually their actions will become so transparently evil and nefarious that no one will be fooled anymore. Pretty soon even the dumb people, no offense to them, that's just a label, among us will wake up and see what's really going on. and that's when the fight will really begin between the dark and the light.... and currently they have a really strong hold on us, so its not going to be be easy to win our country back or win the world back from them...

there's a fine line between us and them. I mean, these peoepl who are all pro bush because in his words he speaks about Christianity but in his actions he takes very non-Christian actions... these people mean well. their hearts are in the right place. they want the right things but they are just being mislead by this metaphorical antichrist.. and what is that antichrist really but just selfishness and greed and deceit and abuse of power in consciousness while pretending to be good. Lets face it, Bush cut the budget for the fix to the flooding problems in new Orleans.... that's a great example... and now the people of new orleans are paying the price for it and from what I can remember that was a red state... I mean they voted for him and he sold them out two years in a row by cutting the budget to helping them out. he was warned that that could happen and now it has... this is the game.. and we’re seeing it played out on live TV right before our eyes. the apocalypse...

She asks me is I feel it emotionally, the pain of the world that we’re going through.. she says she feels it emotionally. I tell her I'm beyond that now. I'm more expanded beyond it now. I was there... at one time. Because we have to acknowledge that fact that dark forces are dominating our society right now and yes that can make you sad and bitter and resentful and angry and cynical.... but eventually you get to a point where you realize that you can either be mad or you can start to roll up your sleeves and ask o.k. so what are we going to do about it. tonight I am watching the war crimes of Henry Kissinger documentary.... Last night it was lectures of Noam Chomsky and his whole trip about the war on terror being a fraud in truth because the biggest terror state in the world now is the United States and it has been since 1945. the US is the only country in the world to be convicted of war crimes by the war crime tribunal, to be convicted as a terrorist nation by the national security council crime tribunal or something, I forget what its called because of what American did to nicaraugua and guatamala and panama etc... it goes on and on... and the night before that it was the documentary on the false pretenses used to get us into invading Iraq, and before that it was the documentary on the bush family and the fact that George bush seniors actual ob titale is Ex President, and Arms dealer, I mean the guy sells weapons of mass destruction for a living. He gets paid an annual salary by the largest arms dealer and weapons of mass destruction dealer in the world, the carslyle group. that's his actual job.... and of course oil and of course they are in business with the bin ladens various ventures selling oil and weapons etc... so you know Jules I am beyond the point of being emotional about it. now I am at a point where I am just trying to get the education, learning and educating myself on who the enemies are and who the good guys are. so my whole thing now is going beyond the shock and pain of it and getting real with it and asking o.k. what can we do about it.... now its time to fight the battle against these evil forces and feeling emotional about that is not going to help us...

But how do you control your anger? She asks me. well for one thing I hold the vision that bush and the rest of them and there are so many of them, but I hold the space and the vision that at any point they can turn around and face their errors and start to become good people. they can acknowledge what they’ve done and make amends. Any minute, they can come clean. and I also recognize that they aren't doing anything that I myself haven't done. I mean, take five minutes and find times in your own life when you’ve acted out of fear or anger or selfishness or greed.... we’re no better. Were human. They're human. I mean they're no different than we are. they just don't see it. we do. we’re human. We fuck up. we make mistakes that cause other people pain. bush has killed over a hundred thousand people in Iraq now and to him right now that's alright. But one day he may wake up and say holy shit, I'm fucked, I need to come clean and start making amends... and that's all it will take to help start turning the tides. Look at Saul who turned into Paul in the bible. We have to send them love. Tough love. But love.

Do you think people feel it when you send that out? do you think it makes a difference?

Yes I do. Because If you're not sending love right now, then you're cynical, and that's not helping us at all. cynicism isn't helping us. but love, tough love, and understanding, but also resolve that we will win, that will help us win in the end....

All of this that we are experiencing has already been predicted... and the prediction is not the end of the world. its going to be two thousand years of an enlightened planet. that's what we’re headed for. it may seem hard to keep that in focus but that's where we’re headed. The Christians at this time may be excited because they are hoping for the end of the world so they can all rise up to heaven, as weird and twisted as that may seem, but they are wrong. yes this is the beginning of the apocalypse but the world will not end. But world dominance by these dark forces that are currently in control will end and we will have peace and light for generations to come.



Last screening: the trials of Henry Kissinger, which details many of the war crimes committed by yet another esteemed American politician. Specifically his responsibility for many of the atrocities of the Vietnam war and against the people Timor, and Cambodia, and then of course his secret coup in Chile where the military general was murdered under kissinger’s orders through the CIA, and over 30,000 people were killed...etc etc.

I’m telling you that at this point, if takes a few years and studies real American history, rather than the fabricated stories taught to us in our school system here, one gathers such a contradicting


Sept 2nd
Its about making choices. Do we read? meaning, do we spend precious time reading the works of others, or do we take that same time and spend it working on our own work? Not even a question anymore.


September 1st, 2005
Current state of affairs:
What's on everyone’s mind here in the States... Over 80% of the city of new Orleans is under water. Thousands of dead bodies are floating around in the water, along with poisonous snakes, swimming dogs, and of course crocodiles who are eating the dogs and dead bodies. great, right? totally unfuckingbelievable. Basically a whole city now homeless and living in football stadiums. Hundreds of orphaned children are walking around with parents or hones or clothes...

It has turned into a survival of the fittest city underwater and under siege. People are waling around with guns now, not only looting whatever is above water to loot, but because you have hundreds of thousands of people homeless and without food and water and electricity, it has basically come down to whoever’s got the gun gets the small amount of food or water that's available in the area. There are also snipers shooting at people randomly. No one knows why. its fucking nuts.

The whole scene reeks of exactly what we used to read about when we had the time to study the prophecies of Nostrodamas or the bible or Edgar Cayce etc etc.... very eerie.

Gas in America is now rising to over $6 a gallon. Lumber, coffee, and zinc prices are rising. Gold is about to break... real estate is about to crash. Or at least start correcting, leveling out, in some markets it will be worse than others....

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In the personal department, today was the first day of a three day advanced wealth management course I am taking. I took the first one, dug it, got a lot out of it, decided to take the second one. This one is basically advanced technical analysis, charting, rather than fundamental analysis. Challenging, but I'm getting a lot out of it. when you learn something new you get this feeling of excitement inside... knowledge is power. and that power gives you a newfound feeling of confidence. Psyched to put it into practice. Basically we are learning that people in the consumer mentality buy stocks based on “fundamentals.” 65% of investors lose money in the stock market. Because they just look at fundamentals or get tips from friends or magazines or brokerage houses who don't give a shit in the long run. they don't know when to buy or sell. It’s a crap shoot. Never thought I'd ever be a trader, and I don't think I ever will. But I am getting off big time on going deeper and learning what's underneath it all to have a better understanding of it. even if you spend a few hours a week doing it and make a few thousand bucks extra, its worth it.

Learned about what they call ‘the four types of investor personality types:’ there's the bottom-liner, who gets impatient easily, the excitement seekers, who often lacks follow through, the people person, who needs help from others or won't make moves on their own, and the analyticals, who spend too much time analyzing the details. I'm somewhere between a bottom-liner and an excitement seeker. Impatient and always looking for the next buzz... this just didn't hit me as an investor, but I saw it as a metaphor that I can apply to my whole life.

Wasn't an easy day to sit there for ten hours in the same place taking notes and learning, but I made it. two days left.

But I'll tell ya, my small concerns are nothing compared to what's going on down South with this disaster situation. what a nightmare. Another day in the apocalypse.


PS – have you seen google maps yet? say goodbye to mapquest.


Check it for a little fun:
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the overall winner:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.



Current spin: rough guide to the music of Italy. Good traditional music. AND even more importantly, GUILTY PLEASURES, the NEW BARBARA STREISAND ALBUM!!!! PRODUCED BY Barry GIBB!!!!! I've only heard three tracks so far but they sound great.