Last screening: RAY. Great movie. Not great as in great, but Hollywood great at least. Wow what a master. Ray fucking Charles. What a master. You forget how many great songs he did. Tomorrow I will buy his whole catalog. In the meantime, it just hit me in there. man it hit me. my leg was shaking a million miles an hour the whole time and my pen was flying across my little notepad while I was watching the movie. Three hours and I couldn’t stop my leg from shaking. I'm serious about this whole fusing MTV with PBS thing we’re doing with this TV show project, the same way ray Charles fused gospel music with boogie woogie and rock and roll. we’re going to make deep and important issues cool, rock and roll, fun, and entertaining, AND we’re going to make rock and roll and pop culture entertainment type stuff deep and meaningful and important. delusions of grandeur? Hell yeah. Nothing wrong with them. I'm on fire right now from them. pyramids are built from them. light bulbs are created from them.

Not only that, but more than that. there was this moment early in rays career where he was looking for his sound. Well actually his record company execs were telling him to look for his own sound because he sounded like so many other people. and I've been hearing that too much myself the last few years, my whole career. Friends I trust. Honestly I don't know if I have it in me. this unique sound that everyone is telling me to get in there and find. But I am committed to finding it. I know I have it in me. I just don't know exactly what to do to find it, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to find it. my music is so damn important to me. it means everything to me. with this next CD of ours I will find it. we will go where we have never gone before. all of us.

I just wish we weren't so goddamned broke. I want things to be moving so much faster than they are. I think and feel so deeply that this sucks. Having to wait so long in between recording sessions. I have to find a way to get the money we need to be able to record whenever and how ever we want to. to get to that point where we can achieve our full potential as a group. I know we have it in us. I just know it. we just need the money to be able to get it down. I'm going to get my rock and roll dream. I can see it. I always have seen it. And I know I'm with the right group of guys to do it. Just have to find a way to make it happen.

In other news, I think I'm having some kind of a nervous breakdown or something. this morning as I was getting dressed to go to this church to meet the bishop I had one sweater in mind and I was determined to wear it. and then I couldn’t find it anywhere and as I began ripping everything apart in my apt looking for it I was like almost on the verge of tears over one sweater, which you could almost understand, maybe, if you were a girl or something, or if you didn't have any clothes... except for the fact that I have to have at the least a thousand or more various shirts and sweaters. So the outrage and frustration was a little uncalled for. way over the top. of course I did eventually find the sweater and felt such relief. on the train it occurred to me that I might be going over the edge or something.

Last screening: dinner for five second season. Great stuff in this. really cool idea.

Current spin: DC3, their new one not out yet. you me and everyone else.