Lost in the Matrix

Hey Brit,
Was this the show????

So this kid is just like totally into you right? So fun.

I like the skirt.

Wish I could have been there. Next time yes.

The Sweed and I should do a show together. We’ll pack the place. Charge ten bucks per head at the door and spend the cash on drugs and prostitutes later that night.

Did I just say that? Whoops. LOL!

Enjoy this beautiful weather till we get a chance to hook up.


O.k. from here on out we’re in the Transcendence Diaries world so read on or just hit delete cause you know that you-as-Britney are like a character and thus almost more of a tool than a real person.... not that you aren't real, because you quite obviously are, and yet at the same time you are also a character, just as I am... people don't understand that. But some do. They think I am Fishy. They get confused. But you get it.

Yeah, so here are those lyrics. I really like this song. melody and lyrics. Been on a real kick. Little T and I have written 10 songs in the last five weeks. He pounds out lyrics like there’s no more tomorrow and I put them to music. So we are going into the studio to record a new solo album with these songs and a few others I told you about... not that we have a need for a new solo album. But there are no rules regarding any of this anyway. So the more the merrier.

But this song (my song by the way, before I started collaborating with T) means/meant a lot to me cause I wasn't just writing a song. I was actually trying to say something, but wanted to say it in a song... rather than just “write a song” (which is what we do a lot of the time...) But I actually sat down with this intention... I believe I was more like pacing actually like with that in my heart... and was lucky enough to actually be able to sit down and create something really pretty from that intention. Which is just so awesome when that can happen.

Of course, we also have to realize that with all things in the arts there is this fine line between what is truth and what is beauty or art for the sake of beauty or art.... and I think that now, we, meaning WE, have come to that, we get where that fine line is... you know, with you, I'm sort of sitting on the fence just watching from the sidelines... a smile on my face. A proud fan, a loving admirer, a protective brother, a noble knight in waiting in case there’s any action or trouble. A piece of hay-straw in my mouth and a smooth looking cowboy hat tipped just right... Just watching the mayhem from the sidelines. Quite a show.

In the song, it’s a vulnerable place to come from, to write it, and then to admit it, but I mean every word of it, and yet I'm also aware that I don't necessarily, because I'm also a professional writer. I mean, that's what I do. More than anything else. I write. So part of it is just writing a song... which is that fine line that even we the writers can never quite figure out where it is, let alone the people who happen to cross our paths...

I'm not dying inside or anything... I wonder if you have any idea what I'm talking about here? I think if there is anyone in the world who would know what I mean, it would be you. So yeah, I'm going to assume that you do. Like, hey, here's another song. But don't worry. I'm not in pain or anything. I just felt this once and sat down and said “I'm going to turn this feeling into a song.” and out it came. (it was actually more like “I NEED to turn this into a song!” Which is where all the great songs come from... that absolutely dire NEED to put something into song form.... that's where the best songs come from.)

I think it came from that feeling of frustration that I was feeling a few months back when I felt like we weren't communicating as much as I wanted us to. (which is totally selfish I know)... but I was just like “God, I would do anything to be closer to her...” like that... you know. But then you have to ask yourself “well why?” I mean “why? What IS your motivation?” and I'm like, I don't know. Just because. I guess. Wow. Good question. I guess I never thought about that... I just feel it. Maybe just to see what's there. Maybe because I know that you understand everything that I say. That you actually have the capacity to understand what I'm talking about. and that's rare. I mean, it was right there. From that very first moment we met. It was in the space that surrounded us. It was understood. It was in our eyes. It was laughable. I believe we laughed a lot that day. From the knowing. From the absurdity of the circumstances.

Even though as time passes you freak me out sometimes and surprise the hell out of me. But I still get that when we DO connect that it’s as deep as we care to go... there is no limit to the potential for depth. Which again, is just so freaking rare in this world because lets face it we still live in a world where most people live their entire lives caught in the Matrix and aren't even aware of it. Most people are sheep. Just totally deaf dumb and blind. They just don't have a freaking clue. And this isn't being negative. Sometimes people ask me “why are you so negative?” But I'm not being negative by simply saying out loud what a few know and most don't. I'm not out in the streets yelling it from a soapbox. I'm just passing it in a note in the middle of the night to a close and trusted compatriot.

I sat in a room the other day with a small group of ten or so and there were people there in their twenties, thirties, forties, even fifties, and not one of them knew what “organic” meant. Not one of them knew how absolutely horrendous factory farming is or how dangerous or how inhumane or how unhealthy it is... none of them. They spoke about it as if it were some sort of secret knowledge. And this is pretty common stuff. We weren't discussing the Illuminati or the Freemasons or anything esoteric. You know? And these are all college educated and graduated people. People with “degrees.” [Which from an artists perspective, from the wizard’s perspective, you know, is another one of those first signs of someone not “Knowing” capital K knowing. When they are the type that fall into the “need to get that degree” group – which is an amazing paradigm in and of itself – to actually deliberately indoctrinate oneself in order to receive something that you can then use to join the herd – what Timothy Ferris calls the “slave, save, retire too old to enjoy it” crowd.

So I'm sitting there dumbfounded because these are all great people. And super good at what they do. But they just don't have a clue about the most important things in life... there was another event where I came to realize they didn't even know who Ram Dass was... can you imagine? One of the most important figures in the history of the evolution of human thought and no one in the room knows who he is. And then they all start talking about how important can “organic” really be? since “none of it has really been proved” and “there's no science behind it” and “well if it were really important “then the government would tell us something about it...”

At this point I go into slight shock but try not to show it. Right? I mean. These are all friends.... But I'm thinking to myself, have these people never read a book about history? Ever? Do they know absolutely nothing about human history? Do they not realize that “governments” of the world have NEVER told the “people” anything remotely helpful or informative in ten thousand years of human history. In fact that it is just the opposite? That they consider it part of their job to do just the opposite – to tell the people the exact opposite of the truth or what's really going on? (reminds one of that famous quote by Hitler – something to the effect of “It is easier to lie to the people than to tell them the truth. They will believe you more easily if you lie to them.” That's why you only hear about “asbestos” or “DDT poisoning” or “lead paint” or “Phen Phen” after it has already killed millions of people. That's how you can assassinate a president with ten bullets and blame a guy who only shot two and then immediately assassinate him too - so he can’t speak up for himself - and “the people” still believe you.

Precisely because they are so indoctrinated to only believe what they are told. Since we were children, that is how we were indoctrinated. From infancy. All humans. No matter where you are born. If you are human. That's how you can tell those same people that JER killed MLK even though the forensic evidence showed that the bullets IN MLK that killed him didn't actually come from the same kind of gun that JER had -- but the people don't even notice this... by then they are already onto the next story because they got their answer and they’ve moved on to talking about Gwen’s new baby or whatever... and because “well that's what the government said....” You know in that particular case, even MLK’s own wife and family SUED the US government to get JER freed from prison because they knew he didn't kill MLK? I mean, that's about as obvious as you can get. And then just before he died one of the men who actually was on that team hired to assassinate MLK actually came out and admitted to the press that he was "one of the men who did it" and that it was a CIA job and that JER didn't do it but was only “set up” just as he claimed.

And yet if you walk up to ten people tonight and ask them “who killed martin Luther King?” all ten will tell you “James Earl Ray.” And not one of them will realize that they are lying. Cause the truth is that they aren't lying. They just aren't telling the truth. And that's because they’ve been taught from a very early age to speak what they're told to, not what is true.

And so I was aghast this particular night. But not obviously so. Cause you gotta keep your cool when you're with people like that because insulting them by pointing out what they don't know never helps a soul. So I was just playing it cool, trying to appreciate them for who they are and what they mean in my life.... and from a cultural-study perspective I just found it absolutely fascinating. And I started asking myself “So what DO these people know about? You know? We all have the same number of hours in the day. So you have to spend that time doing something... and these are all relatively “smart” people – meaning that there is nothing genetically abnormal with their brains, so they do have the same amount of time and the same intelligence capacity as those few that are on the outside of the Matrix...

So if they don't know about all the important things in life, then what DO they know about? I was fascinated by this thought for some time as I sat there listening to them. But then I get on the subway and I pass by one of those little bodega type newsstands and I see all the covers of the hundreds of newspapers and magazines that the masses gobble up each week and there it was again, you know, the same answer... it wasn't as if I hadn't already come to the same conclusion before. I mean, we all have. At least those of us who have thought about such things.

You see stories about so and so’s new baby, or so and so’s new boy-toy and such and such team just won such and such championship... and you realize that people can actually name you all the names of the college basketball teams in the country and yet they don't know about organic food or factory farming or who killed their own president... and with basketball in particular we’re talking about human lab-rats or laboratory experiment subjects running back in forth hundreds of times in a row on a little square in order to throw a little ball into a small hoop, just like rodents in a lab experiment. I mean this is about as primitive and caveman-like as it gets... this is precisely how one million Iraqi people can be murdered in five years and the “people” of the government doing the murdering can be totally in the dark about it. They watch the lab rats running back and forth and picking up the cheese and putting it into the hoop hundreds of times while hundreds of thousands of their fellow humans are murdered and they tell themselves "don't think about. just try not to think about it. there's nothing we can do about it anyway, so just watch the rats running back and forth... it's safer that way."

Same thing with eastern Asia and the whole Vietnam mass murder. Three and half million people murdered by this same small group of people. And not only are most of “the people” hypnotized into believing that “this is o.k. There must be a reason for it. It is too horrifying to think about so I will watch something else on television,” but the ones that do recognize that there is something terribly wrong with it are unable to do anything about it because they can never get enough of the masses on their side to take any action.

And now we have the poor soul trapped in the body known as "Robert McNamara" - who was one of the masterminds behind the whole thing - finally coming out of the closet over the last ten years because he realizes he is getting old and is going to die soon and wants to clear his conscience and so he has written this book and made all these documentaries and movies and does all these lectures all over the world trying to explain to the people how illegal and inhumane the whole act was and how many lies the government told and how totally utterly heinous the whole thing was and how sorry he was for doing it.... and for the most part "the people” don't even want to hear about it, let alone learn anything from it in regards to how that same thing is happening again right now in our own time...

People ask me sometimes how come one of my best friends in the city is a 15 year old kid - (who btw has been one of my best friends since he was 11) But the answer is obvious. Cause the guy is a freaking genius. There is nothing he doesn’t understand or have the capacity to understand. You know? I mean, he's that smart. So it’s easy. I don't have to dumb down to talk to him. He's a mile or two ahead of me in some cases already.... already teaching me things... its amazing really. I don't know if I've met anyone so smart before in real life. He's just that smart, intelligent, educated, informed, ahead of the pack. The poor kid. He has to show up for “school” each Monday and listen to all the kids talk about this team or that team and how they won or lost some “game” or how they talk about playstation or Xbox or guitar hero or the newest Hollywood blockbuster or whatever and he's just sitting there dumbfounded because he just spent the weekend reading “confessions of an economic hitman” or Cornell West or Noam Chomsky and he can’t communicate with his own peers at all. And of course they can tell... so he isn't that popular. He's a total outcast. He calls me everyday. He has to. He tells me I'm his lifeline to the real world because there is no one else out there that he has access to yet that is on his level except for me. I assure him that as he gets older he will meet more like us. There are people in the world who “Know.” It will just take you time to meet them....”

And trust me, it isn't easy to be friends with a 15 year old. So I've gone to prayer before and asked “lord if its cool I'd be just as happy not having to talk to him all the time. I humbly await your reply.” And each time I hear this voice back in my head very clearly say “You were put in his life for a purpose. Imagine if you would have been so lucky yourself... to have someone such as yourself as a guide and mentor when you were his age?” because I had the same problem growing up. “So Fishy if you don't mind I would appreciate if you remain in his life and do your best to be a positive role model and a guide for him. One day he will not need you. He will find a girlfriend and friends his own age, and you my friend just might be surprised how much you miss him... but for now I ask that you stay in his life until that time comes.” So I stick around and I let him call me everyday and try to be there for him and frankly I learn a lot from him anyway so it’s cool. I mean, imagine that, “I learn a lot from him anyway...” Funny. But it’s true. He's that smart. Just way over the top smart compared to the rest of us.

So what does that have to do with you dear Britney? Well I guess really what it comes down to is that there are very few of us out there. You know, Bunny told me the other day, “You're my only real friend that I can really communicate with in New York. I have friends here. But you're the only person that I've met so far who is on my level and so I pine for you when you're not around.” And that sucks for her. You know. I'm glad things worked out the way they did and we had a chance to meet cause she is totally one of us. She really KNOWS. She's young. But she KNOWS. She's a Buddha already. I'm lucky in that I am now old enough where I have a lot of aligned companions all over the earth who are on our level.... so I don't feel like Bunny does. I have you and Tuesday and the Flow Coach and so many even right here in New York City. And so many more all over the earth now that I'm fine. I have a very strong team of aligned companions. But yeah, so because you and I do share that, of course I was jonesing to be closer to you. Always have. Always will.

Truth be told I get more out of one “Hey” from you on the phone than I can get out of a half hour conversation with many others. Just in the depth of your “hey” and the reminder it gives that “there are more of us out there...” When things seem weird... go off a bit, I think of you. And it brings me comfort that you are out there. That we are out there.

Something like that. So I think that's where the song came from. Glad you like it.

Stay you so I can keep writing more.

me


I would do most anything to get/be closer to you
Yeah I would do most anything to get/be closer to you

I’ll try to be strong for you
I'll keep on writing songs for you
Don't know where I'd belong in this world
It’s true, without you

Repeat chorus

I'll stop by the church for you
Try to heal your pains and hurts for you
Lord knows I've tried to flirt with you
It’s true. I'd do anything for you.

Repeat chorus

I'd give up all my kicks for you
Stop turning midnight tricks for you
If I could get one kiss from you
I'd be happy. It’s true.

Repeat chorus

I'll hammer at the gods for you
Try to make friends with your pa for you
I'll get down on my knees and pray
Everyday for you.

Fade out on chorus


Classic. Love it! Very happy with this one.

And indeed happy that you allowed me to use you as a sort of a racquetball court back wall to shoot out a few quick pages. I am happy to be back in the Transcendence Diaries again. It’s been a while. But it feels good.