Gays On Parade

Yesterday New York State passed landmark equal marriage rights for same sex couples legislation. Perhaps not coincidentally smack dab in the middle of Gay Pride Week. I've been watching the colorful and flamboyant festivities of Gay Pride Week each year on the tele since I can remember. The first few years that I saw the parade participants as a very young boy I found the images disturbing and almost frightening. I had never seen men dressed up as women before. And certainly not with full beards and mustaches. As I grew up and learned about the wide diversity of humankind on planet Earth, the purpose behind the flamboyant nature of the annual parade -- awareness to the cause --  began to interest and eventually impress me.

No, dressing up like a clown in drag was not going to get any laws changed and in fact it probably did more to set the movement back than it did to push the equal rights agenda forward. But like many, I appreciated the raw brute force of persistence and resilience that these brave warriors showed the world each year as they gayly paraded down the various Main Streets of the United States. I admired them even more for the courage behind their smiles in the face of a life threatening disease that seemed hell bent on single-handedly destroying them once we started hearing about the terrifying HIV and AIDS diseases when they kept marching. Even more when they continued to march and dance in our Mean Streets in spite of nationally publicized hate crimes such as murder and near fatal beatings began to bear down on them as seems to always happen to a minority group of humans just before the last of the ignorant among us give in to the greater good; and give way to their higher selves as we collectively evolve to a more loving and caring species.

As heinous as they were, the hate crimes were also a good sign. Though not many knew it at the time. Violent physical acts of bullying and oppression by close minded neanderthals on the weakest among us in number usually precipitate extreme legislative acts in order to protect those who are being oppressed. That trend is usually followed by outspoken calls for equal rights. Call it what you will. The martyrdom syndrome. Sometimes it takes a few hundred or a few thousand Harvey Milks or Matthew Shepards before the rest of us wake up long enough to shout "stop!" And so it is.

Although the United States is still vehemently and violently opposed to homosexuality in general -- especially those who want to get married and enjoy the rights of marriage (go figure) -- it will not be long before this too shall pass and we look back fondly on our bold struggle to rid the world of yet another crop of wicked short-sighted witch-hunters. Lest we ever find ourselves discouraged in this current fight for freedom, let us remember that "being gay" is all the rage now in our media and entertainment, just as "being black" was fifty years ago when we finally passed historic legislation to protect African Americans with the Civil Rights Act. At that time, it was common and accepted to see a black person be pushed, kicked, shoved, punched, hosed, beaten, bruised, or even murdered in plain view for all to see. It may have tugged at our heart strings, some of us that is, but seeing that I wasn't there myself, I just bet the feeling in the air was the usual "well sure it's sad, but we just can't do anything about it..." At the same time though, African American people from all walks of life were busy transforming the world quietly and steadfastly through a variety of art-forms and academic achievements. Unless you were just plain dumb as an ox and had your head half up the arse of one of your farmyard animals, you couldn't help but notice nor be impressed or awed.

So here we are again with yet another group that has come to eat at our American table. There aren't but a few left who are dumb enough to feel compelled to bitch and moan about it. Frankly I'm usually quite shocked when I hear someone who under normal circumstances I admire or think intelligent spit out some half-cocked rationale for why they believe same-sex couples shouldn't be allowed to get married or enjoy the same rights as anyone else. And yes I must admit I do lose more than a fair share of respect for that person. One just cannot help it. The rationale is usually religious based and therefore has no right in our governance as a country. Occasionally they instead opt to reason that their views are based purely on "the definition of marriage" in the dictionary. One assumes they just don't realize how moot a point that is considering that for thousands of years that same dictionary told us that the Earth was flat and was at the center of the universe. We even imprisoned people for believing otherwise. But dictionaries change; because humankind changes. So let's stop the dictionary rationale. It's old and tired and just doesn't apply.

I've toiled over this subject for years, and written far too many pages about it, attempting to understand the mind of the few among us who sincerely believe that it is somehow inherently wrong or "sinful" for a person to follow their natural instinct when it comes to which sex they are most attracted to. Their claim is not just stupefying, but also appears alarmingly dim-witted due to the fact that the basis of their belief is that we human beings deliberately choose which sex we are most attracted to at some point in our early childhood. A mind boggling concept because one would think that all they need do is sit back for a few seconds and reflect on the first time they ever felt "attraction" to another person and the argument would be over. I bet ten times out of ten any average gay hating heterosexual would tell you that from the day they were born they just liked the opposite sex. Probably can replay in their mind the first crush they ever had if asked. It wasn't anything they had to think about or decide on. It wasn't a choice for them. Or me. Or you. Or any of us. (there are of course exceptions to this... for all of us... deliberate deviation from "our norm" out of boredom trauma or curiosity, but that isn't the group that's being targeted)

So how can they stigmatize others with this irrational belief that they are choosing to be that way when they do not and cannot apply that same belief to themselves? Next time you meet one of these types ask them to reflect on their very first crush, when just looking at the opposite sex made their heart beat faster, and then ask them to explain to you how and why they decided to feel that way. That's when the fun begins. Watch the eyes. Listen for the stuttering to begin. They've got no clue how to answer. Because it is not something they can explain. It was a natural feeling inside that they just never even bothered to pay attention to because they had no reason to.

But alas before we venture too far down that slippery slope let us remind ourselves that in the end that argument isn't even relevant to the issue at hand. Even if it were a choice, just a flat out rebellious fuck you I'm sick of being like everyone else act of t/reason, what is the problem with someone choosing who they are attracted to and want to marry as long as they don't break any laws or hurt anyone? That's the real issue. There is no justifiable cause for us to ban ourselves from choosing which sex we want to mate with unless we are on the verge of extinction and to do so would mean the end of us all. OK fine. And yes I am sure they'd make the sacrifice and screw a few of the opposite sex if it meant keeping the human race alive and running rampant all over the world. But since we don't have that problem, and in fact many of these same haters are also population control proponents (which makes NO sense), there's just no argument there. The only reason they ARE breaking any laws is because the laws need to be changed; just as our dictionaries need to be.

If you listen carefully, every single cause reason or rationale that comes out of their mouth is fear based ignorance. And I remain as always completely surprised and just a wee bit pissed that there is still media that doesn't just erupt into laughter when they start ranting about the incredibly horrific things that are going to happen to "society" if same sex couples were allowed to marry. If it were me, and it has been a few times, I would just excuse myself so I didn't laugh directly in their face just out of respect for their right to free speech. God only knows what they're truly frightened of. Some of them claim that they don't want their kids to see Jim and John together instead of Jim and Jan. Why? Are their kids going to then become gay? Are they that close themselves to turning? Maybe. But chances are it's something much deeper. More akin to when they said that people of color were not fully human in order to enforce their bigotry laws and restrictions. Or when they said that women weren't intelligent enough or emotionally neutral enough to be able to vote in presidential elections. This was fear mongering out of a deep strong human urge to dominate; and a desire to keep separate that which is different from what we are familiar with. Plain and simple.
     
But of course as we now know from our struggles to create equal rights for women, labor, and African Americans, the tide will soon quickly shift towards the positive now that the worst is over. New York has stepped up. As Hawaii and Vermont and Massachusetts have already. More will follow. The Southern States will be last as always. Hey don't shoot the messenger. If the shoe fits, wear it or get different feet. But don't blame us for telling it like it is. In the meantime perhaps those who are still on the other side and just can't see their way through all their fire and brimstone fear and hatred sat down and reflected on what the true definition of "marriage" actually is... loyalty commitment partnership and fidelity to another person for the entirety of the rest of one's natural born life, then they'd begin to realize that "the sex" of that other person isn't nearly as important as meeting the challenge to stay true to these deeper core values of what a good marriage is really all about.

Can I get an amen?