Maybe day 9. Not totally sure. Best morning lecture so far. As in WOW! But alas I felt that way about yesterday's and Friday's lectures too. Go figure. Harry Palmer is a genius. In the real sense of the word. [genius takes so many forms that it would be useful to explore the subject at another time. Note.]
If interested in this kind of thing go to eBay or amazon.com and pick up a used copy of Palmer's first book entitled LIVING DELIBERATELY. The fIrst time I read it I did it in one sitting in the bath. Blew my mind. After hundreds and hundreds of hours of research and probably twice as many books, this was the first time in my short life up to that point that I had read a book in the field of Cosmology, psychology, philosophy, theology or Cosciousness research where I felt the author knew as much as I did -- (you either get this or you don't) -- as in that the real key to it all is to humbly admit to what we don't know as much as to what we know; i.e. don't have a hidden agenda that needs to be masked by pretending that you know it all. As in he didnt say one thing that required an intelligent mind to suspend disbelief or accept ideas that were fantastical -- yet at the same time he offered rational solutons to age old cosmological and cosciousness (both human and beyond) mysteries.
I dont want to give it away. Nor do I want to spend any time reviewing or anylizing Ideas. This is just a quick plug -- for those of you who recognize there is more to it than meets the eye, and you've got a sneaky suspiscion that it's somewhere between and yet has nothing to do with the wisdom of ancient religions, mystics and physics then you're in for a real treat.
For a quicker fix head to YouTube and watch some of his lectures for free. For the first time in 30 years these historically confidential lectures are now being released to the public in order to speed up the awakening of the planet.
Prepare for at least two or three things at the start: you'll need to listen a few times to certain sentences. He goes deep and he goes there fast. It's ok not to get it all in one go. IPod or iPhone them in order to view a few times. Two, if this is your type of subject matter you'll immediately feel a sense of relief awe and excitement to hear someone speaking so intelligently clearly simply and without personal agenda.
A possible number three may be a subtle judging or anylizing whether or not you believe he's right or wrong... Whether "you" "agree" with what he is saying or not. This is natural. I did it. We all do. I believe it's a healthy symptom of personal power and or responsibilty. No one who runs or takes the Avatar courses wants mindless will-less submissive slave beings at the bottom of the personal power ladder, those looking to accept ideologies whole without contemplation or introspection in order to worship someone or something else outside of themselves. That just isn't what this is about. So feel into it all and see how it fits/feels to you. Your intuition will make a good guide whether it's right for you now or not.
If you find yourself reading the book or listening to the lectures and being overly critical on the other hand, as in "that's not the truth! I know the truth and that's not it... That's not the smartest thing I've ever read, etc" label it as an unintegrated aspect of the ego's attempt to protect its asserted sense of being right / smart / the greatest etc. Don't let it rule your life or lead you. Dig?
I gotta run... Get back to playing with the materials. Beautiful stuff.
Random Fact: there are 255,268 possible outcomes to tic tac toe.
Last Screening: JANE EYRE the original with Orson Welles and Joan Fontaine. Welles is incredible in this film. Mumbles like a madman. But he's so intense. It's almost funny due to how different humanity is now... This kind of high handed mellow-drama wouldnt fly today, but it's a damn good classic. Just see it.
And... THE CONSTANT NYMPH starring Charles Boyer and Joan Fontaine. 24 year old Fontaine plays a 14 year old teen in love with a much older composer (Boyer). These notes are as much for me as they are for you, whoever "you" are, remember. The memory of this 1942 movie will stay with and haunt me for the rest of my life. SEE IT. It's beautifully written and very moving.
Current read: SIDDHARTHA by Hermann Hesse. Yes, again. Every few years you can't go wrong reading this one again say no more. ; >
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Avatar Wizards Course 2012 - Day 8
Ever fantasize about what it would be like to attend Hogwarts? The School of Wizadry for real? Me too. One can't help but feel that it most likely won't have much to do with wands holcruxes or flying brooms if the idea were real in the here-now modern world. Not enough time to get too into it now but...
Time. Dare we go there. Or even contemplate it for that matter. For want of brevity allow me to cut to the chase and confess that I deliberately do not want to spend much time now doing anything other than continuing to study and practice using these incredible tools while still here in the space, makes sense. (I also don't find typing on a miniature little iphone keyboard the most efficient method of downloading ideas).
Of course I also desire to share, fearing that I may forget something that might be of interest or import to myself or another, if only one... And yes, i see/feel/get how funny that sounds - as if there were "something so important that we may forget" in the world other than "I am not I nor I am, though I may be I am the I am that creates I am, and yet maybe not"... And there it is in a nutshell isnt it?
So. Pardon my recent silence, know that I am still here, that I am taking notes (and taking note) of it all and will return soon to share more at some point soon.
In case the thought occurred to you, in reference to time... when we first contemplate going to any sort of "course", be it Avatar or anything else, (even a vacation one assumes), one of the first things we do is ponder whether or not we have enough time; similar to how we consider whether or not w have enough money etc. A 14 day "course" seems daunting at first, I know. In the world 14 days may seem like an eternity to spend "on a course" compared to "all the important things I have to do this year". I'm with you. Been there. Each and every year I plan to attend this course actually.
But it never ceases to amaze me how long the 14 day Wizards Course seems to appear a month or two before I arrive -- feeling as though there is no possible reason I could have to spend that much time working on "my creations" or those of the world, and then how rushed for time we feel once here and settled in -- as if we could easily spend another 14 days exploring expanding cleaning and clearing and still be ready for more.
Consciousness appears to have an infinite unlimited and inexhaustible supply of creations available for us to play with. (And yet we know that it doesn't... ) Point being that if you're sticking point is "what the hell does one do with all that time?" -- not to worry; there is plenty to do. Once you widen back relax and feel safe enough to start being open honest and vulnerable with yourself. Clarity sets in. (though it was there all along). We just deliberately create that "it's ok to feel like this". Long story short that's why one may have that feeling of "holy cow the Course is gonna end in less than a week and I'm just getting started!"
Allora. Back to the original question. Ever fantasize about what it would be like to attend Hogwarts School of Wizadry for real? Me too. How can one resist? There's a reason why the "Harry Potter" movies are now the "most successful film franchise of all time globally". They've surpassed Star Wars. (of course there were like 7 or 8 of them... That's a slightly unfair advantage. But then again there are like 20 or 30 "Chucky" movies and they've never exactly broken at the box office ... say no more...)
Lightly floating about this gigantic collection of nearly 4,000 "Wizards" from all over the world over the last 8 days I can't help but keep thinking how similar this experience is to a real rather than fictional modern day Hogwarts School of Wizardry. Look at the picture attached. I'll post more as we continue. There's no way to actually capture the entire room full of everyone here in one shot. But you can get a good idea from just zooming in and out and looking at the thousands of various little groups doing their thing. Each and every person here to do nothing but work in consciousness. It's a powerful idea to fathom.
I heard it expressed quite well this morning: "Do you realize there is nothing in the world of this kind (or size) happening anywhere else in the world? Never has been from what we know of... It's nice that you're here." Well it's nice to be here, thank you. More later. Love...
Time. Dare we go there. Or even contemplate it for that matter. For want of brevity allow me to cut to the chase and confess that I deliberately do not want to spend much time now doing anything other than continuing to study and practice using these incredible tools while still here in the space, makes sense. (I also don't find typing on a miniature little iphone keyboard the most efficient method of downloading ideas).
Of course I also desire to share, fearing that I may forget something that might be of interest or import to myself or another, if only one... And yes, i see/feel/get how funny that sounds - as if there were "something so important that we may forget" in the world other than "I am not I nor I am, though I may be I am the I am that creates I am, and yet maybe not"... And there it is in a nutshell isnt it?
So. Pardon my recent silence, know that I am still here, that I am taking notes (and taking note) of it all and will return soon to share more at some point soon.
In case the thought occurred to you, in reference to time... when we first contemplate going to any sort of "course", be it Avatar or anything else, (even a vacation one assumes), one of the first things we do is ponder whether or not we have enough time; similar to how we consider whether or not w have enough money etc. A 14 day "course" seems daunting at first, I know. In the world 14 days may seem like an eternity to spend "on a course" compared to "all the important things I have to do this year". I'm with you. Been there. Each and every year I plan to attend this course actually.
But it never ceases to amaze me how long the 14 day Wizards Course seems to appear a month or two before I arrive -- feeling as though there is no possible reason I could have to spend that much time working on "my creations" or those of the world, and then how rushed for time we feel once here and settled in -- as if we could easily spend another 14 days exploring expanding cleaning and clearing and still be ready for more.
Consciousness appears to have an infinite unlimited and inexhaustible supply of creations available for us to play with. (And yet we know that it doesn't... ) Point being that if you're sticking point is "what the hell does one do with all that time?" -- not to worry; there is plenty to do. Once you widen back relax and feel safe enough to start being open honest and vulnerable with yourself. Clarity sets in. (though it was there all along). We just deliberately create that "it's ok to feel like this". Long story short that's why one may have that feeling of "holy cow the Course is gonna end in less than a week and I'm just getting started!"
Allora. Back to the original question. Ever fantasize about what it would be like to attend Hogwarts School of Wizadry for real? Me too. How can one resist? There's a reason why the "Harry Potter" movies are now the "most successful film franchise of all time globally". They've surpassed Star Wars. (of course there were like 7 or 8 of them... That's a slightly unfair advantage. But then again there are like 20 or 30 "Chucky" movies and they've never exactly broken at the box office ... say no more...)
Lightly floating about this gigantic collection of nearly 4,000 "Wizards" from all over the world over the last 8 days I can't help but keep thinking how similar this experience is to a real rather than fictional modern day Hogwarts School of Wizardry. Look at the picture attached. I'll post more as we continue. There's no way to actually capture the entire room full of everyone here in one shot. But you can get a good idea from just zooming in and out and looking at the thousands of various little groups doing their thing. Each and every person here to do nothing but work in consciousness. It's a powerful idea to fathom.
I heard it expressed quite well this morning: "Do you realize there is nothing in the world of this kind (or size) happening anywhere else in the world? Never has been from what we know of... It's nice that you're here." Well it's nice to be here, thank you. More later. Love...
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Why Isnt Ron Paul Winning?
"Winning". Who knew? Before a man called Charlie Sheen decided to publicly play out what a personal and professional meltdown looked like in front of the whole world in 2011, to most of us the word "winning" was primarily relegated to sports and political competitions. In reality we won't know if ole "Tiger Blood" is truly "winning" for another year or two at best. But like most, I wish him the best in whatever he decides to do next. If anything I'm sure it will be interesting.
Speaking of "winning", I was pondering the Ron Paul dilemma this morning. On the one hand Ron Paul appears to stand well above all the other candidates on both sides of the fence in his ethics integrity and understanding of what the American constitutional republic is supposed to look and act like, and how it was originally meant to function. The American people have known him for years now; he's not a Ross Perot/Herman Cain like newcomer out of left field. Everyone seems to know who he is and almost everyone seems to like and respect him.
He's a respected doctor (I've got two different friends from Texas who he "delivered" when they were born many years ago - he's truly beloved in his hometown), an admired loyal family man, and a civil servant who's been re-elected to Congress multiple times. He makes sense when he speaks. He doesn't waffle shift or switch his positions on 'the issues'; doesn't accept bribes, lobbyist money or giant corporate campaign contributions. No Wall Street croneys, no shady skeletons in his closet to hide, mask, or explain away.
He's the only candidate in the race on either side of the fence who is bold enough to speak the truth about the secretive nefarious private foriegn banking cartel known as "the Federal Reserve". For that alone he is one of the most heroic public figures in American politics today. A living "founding father" legend.
From a distance Ron Paul appears to be as popular a cultural figure with the American people as any modern day celebrity. And yet he has not "won" or placed "first" in any of these little pre-primary electoral games they play thus far in the political party he's decided to run in. It's an odd situation, an anomaly. Ron Paul may be winning the hearts and minds of popular culture both in America and abroad, he is not winning Primaries.
To even consider that the Republican Party may decide to select someone like Miitt Romney or Newt Gingrich as their "nominee", with all their respective baggage and their "questionable at best" repuatuons, to run against one of the most revered presidents in recent memory, Barack Obama... It's truly a bewildering thought to ponder. If Ron Paul is so beloved, why is he such a distant third? What is it that registered Republicans do not see in Paul? (Yes, please feel free to answer if you call yourself a Repub)
And further, do any Republicans really believe that The Newt or The Mitt have even a slim chance of beating Barack Obama in the general election? Personally speaking, I'm stymied by it. Ron Paul is the only Republican candidate who has a chance of earning Democrat or Independent votes; which is what it's going to take to beat Obama come November. So what gives? What are Republican voters thinking? Why havent they embraced the slightly whacky brilliant and honorable lone wolf? Any ideas?
Speaking of "winning", I was pondering the Ron Paul dilemma this morning. On the one hand Ron Paul appears to stand well above all the other candidates on both sides of the fence in his ethics integrity and understanding of what the American constitutional republic is supposed to look and act like, and how it was originally meant to function. The American people have known him for years now; he's not a Ross Perot/Herman Cain like newcomer out of left field. Everyone seems to know who he is and almost everyone seems to like and respect him.
He's a respected doctor (I've got two different friends from Texas who he "delivered" when they were born many years ago - he's truly beloved in his hometown), an admired loyal family man, and a civil servant who's been re-elected to Congress multiple times. He makes sense when he speaks. He doesn't waffle shift or switch his positions on 'the issues'; doesn't accept bribes, lobbyist money or giant corporate campaign contributions. No Wall Street croneys, no shady skeletons in his closet to hide, mask, or explain away.
He's the only candidate in the race on either side of the fence who is bold enough to speak the truth about the secretive nefarious private foriegn banking cartel known as "the Federal Reserve". For that alone he is one of the most heroic public figures in American politics today. A living "founding father" legend.
From a distance Ron Paul appears to be as popular a cultural figure with the American people as any modern day celebrity. And yet he has not "won" or placed "first" in any of these little pre-primary electoral games they play thus far in the political party he's decided to run in. It's an odd situation, an anomaly. Ron Paul may be winning the hearts and minds of popular culture both in America and abroad, he is not winning Primaries.
To even consider that the Republican Party may decide to select someone like Miitt Romney or Newt Gingrich as their "nominee", with all their respective baggage and their "questionable at best" repuatuons, to run against one of the most revered presidents in recent memory, Barack Obama... It's truly a bewildering thought to ponder. If Ron Paul is so beloved, why is he such a distant third? What is it that registered Republicans do not see in Paul? (Yes, please feel free to answer if you call yourself a Repub)
And further, do any Republicans really believe that The Newt or The Mitt have even a slim chance of beating Barack Obama in the general election? Personally speaking, I'm stymied by it. Ron Paul is the only Republican candidate who has a chance of earning Democrat or Independent votes; which is what it's going to take to beat Obama come November. So what gives? What are Republican voters thinking? Why havent they embraced the slightly whacky brilliant and honorable lone wolf? Any ideas?
Last Screening: THE INVISIBLE MAN and THE LION
Don't have much time this evening. Tired. Discovered something quite unexpected but thoroughly enjoyable considering the circumstances. After 12 hours of personal introspection and consciousness and spiritual work sometimes there's nothing better than an old movie. Just to bring one down to earth a bit and free the attention particles. Look, look away. Look, look away. It's a technique employed both by the Avatar materials and Anthony Robbin's work. Though Tony refers to it as "immersion, abstinence..." It's also a powerful method to master skills much faster when learning or studying almost anything.
So... There's a little something on the tele called TMC or TCM. A channel called Turner Classic Movies or close to that. It's quite wonderful. I had heard of the channel, but this whole researching television project is still fairly new to me. I didn't realize how special it was, playing all these classic old films, some over a hundred years old and some of which have never before been seen on television. Yes it's very niche, perhaps only for film geeks, but one could easily become addicted to it for a few weeks at least I'd think.
Last night we caught a surprisingly powerful film called THE LION starring Trevor Howard, William Holden and the French actress Capucine. Highly recommended. Trevor Howard = new fave classic actor. He was very cool. This evening we are watching the original film version of HG Welles classic THE INVISIBLE MAN starring Claude Raines. Interestingly enough this is Raines' first starring role. Imagine that. In it he's already "the finest actor of his day" Claude Raines... Very good.
More later. Check out the network if old movies are your thing.
So... There's a little something on the tele called TMC or TCM. A channel called Turner Classic Movies or close to that. It's quite wonderful. I had heard of the channel, but this whole researching television project is still fairly new to me. I didn't realize how special it was, playing all these classic old films, some over a hundred years old and some of which have never before been seen on television. Yes it's very niche, perhaps only for film geeks, but one could easily become addicted to it for a few weeks at least I'd think.
Last night we caught a surprisingly powerful film called THE LION starring Trevor Howard, William Holden and the French actress Capucine. Highly recommended. Trevor Howard = new fave classic actor. He was very cool. This evening we are watching the original film version of HG Welles classic THE INVISIBLE MAN starring Claude Raines. Interestingly enough this is Raines' first starring role. Imagine that. In it he's already "the finest actor of his day" Claude Raines... Very good.
More later. Check out the network if old movies are your thing.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Avatar Wizards Course Day 3
"Look around you. Everything you see wouldn't be there if you weren't here to view it... You're quite a powerful creator." Harry Palmer
Excited but exhausted. The ego is hanging on tightly for it's life as I as consciousness continue to slowly unravel it. All the "I am's" are coming up, asserting themselves strong. I am tired. I am a night owl, not an early bird. I am cool. I am smart. I am worried. I am not perfect. I am wants approval. I am wants to be liked. I am doesn't want to be worng. Unless I am can be right or liked or cool or approved of by deliberately being wrong. Ah hah!
Today we go deeper. We'll unravel more. We being me here typing and the invisible me who appears to exist somewhere in my mind and occasionally speaks subtle truths quietly, the me I usually label higher self, God, angels, spirit guides or intuition. Once unravelled we will unite and become one. No more we. Only I, or I am the I am. I've heard that before...
But still... As good as it all sounds, who are 'we' really? Did I really create I? Or did someone else create I? Did a God create I? Is that who I am is talking to?Or is it just another aspect of I/I am? One that I am is not fully connected to all the time? Were we really created eons ago by an extraterrestrial alien race and just don't yet know it? Or further... Did we just slowly evolve organically out of somethingness that at some point was nothingness?
But what is nothingness? It's still something if we are attempting to imagine it. Thus nothingness is unimaginable. Somethingness cannot come from nothing. A priori, the first cause cause etc... Yet still no proof.
In time though. Time. It's nearly gone now. Off line. Thought it was day 4 yesterday. Feels like I've been here for weeks.
Still seeing friends from all over the world as if they weren't here the last few days. Three thousand Wizards. An incredible feeling, energy... The potential of it boggles 'the mind'.
Today is the first day of the rest of I am's life. Right now is the first moment of the rest of I am's life. I am is excited about the possibilities. Together we will go deeper than we've ever gone before. We'll go for the big stuff. Haha again... Big stuff becomes small stuff becomes no stuff. Then what's left? Well, we don't know yet but we shall see.
Excited but exhausted. The ego is hanging on tightly for it's life as I as consciousness continue to slowly unravel it. All the "I am's" are coming up, asserting themselves strong. I am tired. I am a night owl, not an early bird. I am cool. I am smart. I am worried. I am not perfect. I am wants approval. I am wants to be liked. I am doesn't want to be worng. Unless I am can be right or liked or cool or approved of by deliberately being wrong. Ah hah!
Today we go deeper. We'll unravel more. We being me here typing and the invisible me who appears to exist somewhere in my mind and occasionally speaks subtle truths quietly, the me I usually label higher self, God, angels, spirit guides or intuition. Once unravelled we will unite and become one. No more we. Only I, or I am the I am. I've heard that before...
But still... As good as it all sounds, who are 'we' really? Did I really create I? Or did someone else create I? Did a God create I? Is that who I am is talking to?Or is it just another aspect of I/I am? One that I am is not fully connected to all the time? Were we really created eons ago by an extraterrestrial alien race and just don't yet know it? Or further... Did we just slowly evolve organically out of somethingness that at some point was nothingness?
But what is nothingness? It's still something if we are attempting to imagine it. Thus nothingness is unimaginable. Somethingness cannot come from nothing. A priori, the first cause cause etc... Yet still no proof.
In time though. Time. It's nearly gone now. Off line. Thought it was day 4 yesterday. Feels like I've been here for weeks.
Still seeing friends from all over the world as if they weren't here the last few days. Three thousand Wizards. An incredible feeling, energy... The potential of it boggles 'the mind'.
Today is the first day of the rest of I am's life. Right now is the first moment of the rest of I am's life. I am is excited about the possibilities. Together we will go deeper than we've ever gone before. We'll go for the big stuff. Haha again... Big stuff becomes small stuff becomes no stuff. Then what's left? Well, we don't know yet but we shall see.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The Ambassador is on His Way Back
Raw. That's how I describe it. Feels like there's fire running through my veins. That's another way. But most people don't understand these ideas. Perhaps only conceptually at best. So we say things like I feel anxious all the time. Wired. I can't sleep. Except during the day. After a long night of laying there awake fighting to fall asleep. So they call us vampires. Night owls.
I wrote a chapter in this tome once long ago called Night People Day People based on seeing the populace of the neighborhood I lived in starting to wake up leave their houses and get in their cars to go to work at around 6 and 7 am while I was still up tripping on LSD. Realizing that "people like us are different. We're still awake. Our day is still going. Our night is still going. These people stumbling drearily out of their houses to head to the gym or a job have awoken to a new day. These Day People, they have no idea that the Night People are still awake. Watching them."
I had calculated that the way we were living back then --up for three days, down for about 12 to 16 hours, up for another three days etc -- we only got two and half days per week. Compared to normal people who experience a week as seven days. I'd wake up on a Monday and stay up till wednesday or thursday. Then crash at noon or even six at night. By the time i woke up again it would be friday morning or afternoon at three. How the hell did we get from monday to Friday we used to ask. But it happened. A lot.
And that's rock and roll. In a nutshell. I lived that way for years. For a decade or more really. I've written about it extensively. I'm glad for that. Because it's hard for me to remember those days now. I've just not posted those years here yet. But we'll get around to it.
But what's the point? Why are we here now? We're here because fire is running through our veins once more. We cry a lot. I can feel again. And it hurts sometimes. It also feels incredible. I can't believe I spent the last three years not feeling. I feel like my eyes are bugging out. Like rays of lasers are shooting out of them. That's why we're here now. 3 am in the morning. The whole house asleep. The night people still awake. But it's only me now. Gone is all the madness. Gone is the bandhouse with The Grey Wolf and The Toad and Coon and Madelynne O'Ryan. I'm married now. Supposed to be settled down. Those years are long gone. I'm the only Vampire in the house now.
Thats another thing that happens. Your memory comes back. You start remembering things you forgot about years ago. And music. I hear music now. I'm starting to anyway. The problem is I'm not quite ready to talk about what I'm really talking about. So I won't. But it's a strange sensation. It's going to be a wild ride. But I can feel it. The Ambasador is on his way back. God help any soul who gets in the way.
I wrote a chapter in this tome once long ago called Night People Day People based on seeing the populace of the neighborhood I lived in starting to wake up leave their houses and get in their cars to go to work at around 6 and 7 am while I was still up tripping on LSD. Realizing that "people like us are different. We're still awake. Our day is still going. Our night is still going. These people stumbling drearily out of their houses to head to the gym or a job have awoken to a new day. These Day People, they have no idea that the Night People are still awake. Watching them."
I had calculated that the way we were living back then --up for three days, down for about 12 to 16 hours, up for another three days etc -- we only got two and half days per week. Compared to normal people who experience a week as seven days. I'd wake up on a Monday and stay up till wednesday or thursday. Then crash at noon or even six at night. By the time i woke up again it would be friday morning or afternoon at three. How the hell did we get from monday to Friday we used to ask. But it happened. A lot.
And that's rock and roll. In a nutshell. I lived that way for years. For a decade or more really. I've written about it extensively. I'm glad for that. Because it's hard for me to remember those days now. I've just not posted those years here yet. But we'll get around to it.
But what's the point? Why are we here now? We're here because fire is running through our veins once more. We cry a lot. I can feel again. And it hurts sometimes. It also feels incredible. I can't believe I spent the last three years not feeling. I feel like my eyes are bugging out. Like rays of lasers are shooting out of them. That's why we're here now. 3 am in the morning. The whole house asleep. The night people still awake. But it's only me now. Gone is all the madness. Gone is the bandhouse with The Grey Wolf and The Toad and Coon and Madelynne O'Ryan. I'm married now. Supposed to be settled down. Those years are long gone. I'm the only Vampire in the house now.
Thats another thing that happens. Your memory comes back. You start remembering things you forgot about years ago. And music. I hear music now. I'm starting to anyway. The problem is I'm not quite ready to talk about what I'm really talking about. So I won't. But it's a strange sensation. It's going to be a wild ride. But I can feel it. The Ambasador is on his way back. God help any soul who gets in the way.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Farewell Christmas We Shall Miss You
I enjoy my job. Nearly every aspect of it. Though i must admit i enjoy recording and promoting new albums more than being on the road now; perhaps it's my age. I can't imagine saying this when I first started in the business in my late teens. Perhaps it's also due to the fact that I've finally married, after searching and waiting so long for it. I feel very lucky that I waited so long. The most obvious advantage being that I made quite sure that I married the right person. There is also the undeniable fact that unlike many I allowed myself ample time to sow my wild oats so to speak. At the very least I never worry about that 50% divorce rate caused by so many men in the States who claim to hit a midlife crisis and abandon their wife and children in favor of a motorcycle and their 25 year old secretary.
The truth is that I love to travel as much as I ever have. But I'd much prefer my new wife accompany me. Too few men these days unfortunately seem able or willing to make this claim. Thats a shame for us all. I also love being home; home being anywhere my wife and family are.
Every evening at some point between the hour of 1 to 3 am I pick up our little Cavalier Spaniel from where he's been sleeping on our bed while the Princess sleeps and I wind down from a long days work and I walk him down a long staircase in our entryway to escort him on one last walk outside before he retires to his own bed. This assures he will sleep through the night. And we too of course. As I slowly descend the stairs with the sleepy little boy in my arms it is always this image I see glowing in front of me from our living room during the 30 days or so we call the Christmas Season.
It is always a welcoming and soothing site. This Christmas tree all aglow. The calming scent of pine and fir in the air. This evening I realized we have probably exceeded the normal duration that one keeps a Christmas tree up. Tonight could be the last that Alistair and I see the glow of the tree welcoming us downstairs in the middle of the night. And that's ok. Everything has it's time and place.
2011 was sheer madness. To be sure. 2012 offers all of us a chance for new beginnings. We can feel it in the air. No one I've spoken to whether friend family or associate has had an easy time over the last twelve months or so. And yet no one can pinpoint why exactly. Life itself seems to have stepped on the accelerator and taken a turn toward mild insanity. The only good I see coming from it is that everyone seems aligned in desiring to slow things down. There also seems to be a strong shift towards renewed faith, and family values. A sincere desire to commit more time and attention to the things in life that really matter.
Nothing bad can come from this. I can't quite make out yet if we are all preparing for something devilish and ominous to come, or if everyone is just plain exhausted from last year's madness and wants a breather. Either way, this slowing down will do us all some good I'm sure. Christmas trees that glow in the middle of the night and fill a room with the scent of forests tend to do this to all of us. My only wish is that this feeling stays with us through the rest of this year no matter what happens next. We shall surely miss Christmas as much as we were surprised by it's early arrival only a few weeks ago.
But let's hope that we are successful in our longing to create more peace tranquility wellness honesty faith hope and love in this new year. God knows we need it. I've never seen a more chaotic year than 2011 in my entire life on earth thus far. And I dare say I'd be happy to never see another. No matter what happens in 2012, let us remember the basics. Family friends good deeds health and wellness tradition values charity hope justice faith and most of all happiness. We deserve it. This is it after all. This IS that one life we've all been blessed with. I am more grateful than I've ever been.
The truth is that I love to travel as much as I ever have. But I'd much prefer my new wife accompany me. Too few men these days unfortunately seem able or willing to make this claim. Thats a shame for us all. I also love being home; home being anywhere my wife and family are.
Every evening at some point between the hour of 1 to 3 am I pick up our little Cavalier Spaniel from where he's been sleeping on our bed while the Princess sleeps and I wind down from a long days work and I walk him down a long staircase in our entryway to escort him on one last walk outside before he retires to his own bed. This assures he will sleep through the night. And we too of course. As I slowly descend the stairs with the sleepy little boy in my arms it is always this image I see glowing in front of me from our living room during the 30 days or so we call the Christmas Season.
It is always a welcoming and soothing site. This Christmas tree all aglow. The calming scent of pine and fir in the air. This evening I realized we have probably exceeded the normal duration that one keeps a Christmas tree up. Tonight could be the last that Alistair and I see the glow of the tree welcoming us downstairs in the middle of the night. And that's ok. Everything has it's time and place.
2011 was sheer madness. To be sure. 2012 offers all of us a chance for new beginnings. We can feel it in the air. No one I've spoken to whether friend family or associate has had an easy time over the last twelve months or so. And yet no one can pinpoint why exactly. Life itself seems to have stepped on the accelerator and taken a turn toward mild insanity. The only good I see coming from it is that everyone seems aligned in desiring to slow things down. There also seems to be a strong shift towards renewed faith, and family values. A sincere desire to commit more time and attention to the things in life that really matter.
Nothing bad can come from this. I can't quite make out yet if we are all preparing for something devilish and ominous to come, or if everyone is just plain exhausted from last year's madness and wants a breather. Either way, this slowing down will do us all some good I'm sure. Christmas trees that glow in the middle of the night and fill a room with the scent of forests tend to do this to all of us. My only wish is that this feeling stays with us through the rest of this year no matter what happens next. We shall surely miss Christmas as much as we were surprised by it's early arrival only a few weeks ago.
But let's hope that we are successful in our longing to create more peace tranquility wellness honesty faith hope and love in this new year. God knows we need it. I've never seen a more chaotic year than 2011 in my entire life on earth thus far. And I dare say I'd be happy to never see another. No matter what happens in 2012, let us remember the basics. Family friends good deeds health and wellness tradition values charity hope justice faith and most of all happiness. We deserve it. This is it after all. This IS that one life we've all been blessed with. I am more grateful than I've ever been.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
You know when you know that you know
Most people may not know it. But YOU do. YOU... KNOW... when you know that you know. You just know it. And no matter what anyone else says or thinks they know, you know that you know you know; and that's as golden as gets. Though it's not without it's challenges. Number one, you need to learn to and learn how to trust it. If you really know you know, then you know. And you know that. So forget about what other people say or claim to believe. You need to master the art of ignoring the various objections you may hear from others; for arguing about something you already know you know is a waste of precious time effort and energy. You will also want to cultivate a thick skin in order to handle the occasional attacks on your character by those whose insecurities compel them to resort to ad hominem falacies when confronted with people of superior intelligence.
Try to remember "the lowest common deniminator phenomenon"... Ie that there are billions of people on planet earth, and that most of them are either not so smart or not so bold as to stand up to the not so smart to defend the few who stick out because they know things most people don't. Call it the law of crowds, or mob rules, or live and let die. It's an unfortunate aspect of being alive in human form on planet earth that throughout recorded human history almost anyone who knew something valuable well before most others was usually mocked ridiculed attacked imprisoned or put to death because of it. Think Jesus Gandhi Gallileo Tesla Einstein or MLK. To name only a few.I'm sure there are thousands of examples. Knowing stuff can be dangerous.
In our own time names like David Icke or Richard Branson or even the late Steve Jobs come to mind. Without an ounce of brand loyalty nor any corporate sponsorship (I'm certainly not opposed to the latter though) take Steve Jobs for example simply because his story makes a great case to further the point. From the very beginning of the personal computer age to the present day, Jobs had numerous opponents objectors and competitors. Most notably Bill Gates and his fledgling Microsoft. It's no secret anymore that Gates and company tricked deceived and stole many of the most important elements of their Windows OS from the more gullible Jobs and Wozniack(sp?) and their burgeoning Apple Computers OS. It's also no secret that no matter how much one pays for a "Windows based PC", it will never look or perform as well or as quickly or as efficiently as an Apple computer. And yet the majority of the aforementioned billions of people on planet earth still use said Windows based PCs instead of Apple.
Call it the law of the land. The idea of the masses of mediocrity controlling things in our world is so ingrained in all of us that as most people now know Steve Jobs was fired from his job as CEO of Apple even though it was his own company. Yet again, if Jobs suffered from anything besides the arrogance that often accompanies the intelligence of those who know they know that they know it was gullibility. Of course history eventually self corrected that injustice in the nick of time right before Apple was about to go bust and bringing him back on board not only saved Apple the company, it also revolutionized how nearly every person on earth lives works communicates and functions; along with half a dozen global industries as well. Steve Jobs and "what he knew" was vindicated in this case. But many aren't.
And yet we cannot forget the more important point of the Steve Jobs story, that being that Microsoft branded Windows based computers still outsell the far superior Apple brand by at least 100 to 1. Truth be told those numbers may be much higher. The statistics aren't as important as the phenomenon itself. It's an anomaly that is as easily understandable, due to this "lowest common denominator phenom", as it is surprising.
If you get this then you probably also get the gist of the importance of staying true to yourself when you know you know whatever it is that you know. But social pressures are often the straw that breaks the back of many of the smartest people in human society. Many play dumb to fit in. Pretending they don't know what they know. Or at least don't know as much of it as they do. Others simply give in to the threat of losing contact with others due to recognizing that if they stand tall and speak up about how much they know then they start to get verbally attacked by those around them. Sometimes those "others" can be the closest people in proximity to you. One's own family or best friends.
People don't like "know it alls". And most of us simply don't have the time nor the capactity to know it all. But if you know a lot about a thing or two you may have experienced this label being branded on you more than once in your life. It hurts. It's not fun. People will accuse you of always thinking you're right all the time. The problem is that you may well be right all the time because you may be one of the few who don't ever speak about something unless you know for sure that you're right. Or not. Only you know. But 99% of people don't live this way. So they have no idea that it's possible. Take a few days of silence and do nothing but listen to other people. Whether in person or on the Internet or the radio or the TV, most people just talk all the time regardless of whether they know what they're talking about or not. If you're one of the few who already know you know that you know then you know this already. Which means you also understand why the world we live in has always been so compromised mediocre and painful.
Most people are not half as interested in being right as they are to being heard. Which is why the world is filled with so much noise disguised as content. Erroneous soundbites created by misinformed (or worse yet, disinformed) propaganda machines. Mediocrity for the masses of mediocre. But again, if you're one of the few who know, then you know this already. The secret is to do your best to disguise the fact that you know this so you can maintain a semblance of feeling and appearing as though you fit in.
Some people don't recognize how often you confess to not knowing things so you can in turn ask about and then learn about whatever it is in that moment that you don't think you know enough about. This is one of the tell-tale signs of a someone who knows a whole hell of a lot versus a pompous know it all who only thinks they know a lot. People who know a lot have no problem admitting when they dont know something. In fact they do it all the time. They remain in effect in a constant state of knowing how much they dont know and thus are always attempting to do something about it.
This is why -- if you're a long time reader of The Transcendence Diaries or just one of those who "know" -- you may remember the old adage proffered here years ago stating that "Those who truly KNOW (all cap KNOW) know that they don't know. (meaning they know that they don't know much of anything and will therefore never truly KNOW) and thus this is how those who KNOW can recognize others who KNOW. By the fact that they know that they don't really KNOW and they don't mind admitting it. None of us do. This, it turns out, is just about the only thing there is to really know. Therefore if you're ever in a position where you're trying to figure out if someone really KNOWS, or if instead they're just "smart" or know a lot, you can easily determine this by their willingness and/or capability to admit that they know that they don't really KNOW. If you KNOW then you know what I'm talking about here. If not... Then, well, start taking a look at all the things you and everyone else doesn't know. Soon you'll discover that none of us really know much of anything. That's the first step and the first major realization on the road to really KNOWING But of course that's also our curse. It isnt easy knowing so much that you've reached the point where you know how much we still dont know. It makes social interactions with nearly everyone entirely unbearable. Your choice again is to pretend how little you know all the time in order to fit in, ie "playing dumb," or being a flat out recluse or loner. But at least we know it. There's a wee bit of solace and refuge in that.
And therein lies the challenge. Just by your very nature, even if you've perfected the art of dumbing down in order to fit in, you still may get attacked. It's as if people can vibrationally pick up on the fact that you arent nearly as dumb and normal as you pretend to be. And to the other strategy, just being yourself and boldly going through life hoping that over the years you will meet others at the same level as you, even when you confess to not knowing things you dont know, you still get accused of always thinking you know it all.
It's easy to start playing dumb. To fit in wirh the bulk of the people you encounter on the road through life. But I recommened resisting that temptation with everything you've got. The same goes for going the loner route. History is filled with stories of loner geniuses. But I've never fancied that kind of life very appealing myself. I love people too much. I think i love people as much as I love knowing things. In fact i know i do. Which means I spent the first quarter of my life being ridiculed for being a brainiac or nerd, the second quarter of my life playing dumb to fit in, and luckily over the last few years I've managed to find that ever so slight nearly invisible line between being a someone who knows a lot and being a socially acceptable and appealing fellow human. I consider myself very lucky for this.
Of course I still get attacked now and then and accused of being a know it all, or someone who "always has to be right all the time." But at this point I'm too aware of how utterly meaningless it is to care about such things. Knowing that you know you know is simply too valuable a commodity for oneself and the world around us to care more about fitting in than knowing a lot. In the end you and most others around you will begin to recognize how much more important you are to the world because of what you know versus how well you fit in. In fact as "Mr. Tipping Point" himself pointed out in his last book "Outliers", if you've got what it takes to endure those first few decades of ridicule, there's a good chance your knowing will contribute considerably more to the world than your fitting in ever will.
The main point to always remember is that only YOU know if you really know that you know that you know. With the right amount of courage and confidence, you can either ignore or overcome the objections of others and use this gift to make the world a better place for all of us.
Try to remember "the lowest common deniminator phenomenon"... Ie that there are billions of people on planet earth, and that most of them are either not so smart or not so bold as to stand up to the not so smart to defend the few who stick out because they know things most people don't. Call it the law of crowds, or mob rules, or live and let die. It's an unfortunate aspect of being alive in human form on planet earth that throughout recorded human history almost anyone who knew something valuable well before most others was usually mocked ridiculed attacked imprisoned or put to death because of it. Think Jesus Gandhi Gallileo Tesla Einstein or MLK. To name only a few.I'm sure there are thousands of examples. Knowing stuff can be dangerous.
In our own time names like David Icke or Richard Branson or even the late Steve Jobs come to mind. Without an ounce of brand loyalty nor any corporate sponsorship (I'm certainly not opposed to the latter though) take Steve Jobs for example simply because his story makes a great case to further the point. From the very beginning of the personal computer age to the present day, Jobs had numerous opponents objectors and competitors. Most notably Bill Gates and his fledgling Microsoft. It's no secret anymore that Gates and company tricked deceived and stole many of the most important elements of their Windows OS from the more gullible Jobs and Wozniack(sp?) and their burgeoning Apple Computers OS. It's also no secret that no matter how much one pays for a "Windows based PC", it will never look or perform as well or as quickly or as efficiently as an Apple computer. And yet the majority of the aforementioned billions of people on planet earth still use said Windows based PCs instead of Apple.
Call it the law of the land. The idea of the masses of mediocrity controlling things in our world is so ingrained in all of us that as most people now know Steve Jobs was fired from his job as CEO of Apple even though it was his own company. Yet again, if Jobs suffered from anything besides the arrogance that often accompanies the intelligence of those who know they know that they know it was gullibility. Of course history eventually self corrected that injustice in the nick of time right before Apple was about to go bust and bringing him back on board not only saved Apple the company, it also revolutionized how nearly every person on earth lives works communicates and functions; along with half a dozen global industries as well. Steve Jobs and "what he knew" was vindicated in this case. But many aren't.
And yet we cannot forget the more important point of the Steve Jobs story, that being that Microsoft branded Windows based computers still outsell the far superior Apple brand by at least 100 to 1. Truth be told those numbers may be much higher. The statistics aren't as important as the phenomenon itself. It's an anomaly that is as easily understandable, due to this "lowest common denominator phenom", as it is surprising.
If you get this then you probably also get the gist of the importance of staying true to yourself when you know you know whatever it is that you know. But social pressures are often the straw that breaks the back of many of the smartest people in human society. Many play dumb to fit in. Pretending they don't know what they know. Or at least don't know as much of it as they do. Others simply give in to the threat of losing contact with others due to recognizing that if they stand tall and speak up about how much they know then they start to get verbally attacked by those around them. Sometimes those "others" can be the closest people in proximity to you. One's own family or best friends.
People don't like "know it alls". And most of us simply don't have the time nor the capactity to know it all. But if you know a lot about a thing or two you may have experienced this label being branded on you more than once in your life. It hurts. It's not fun. People will accuse you of always thinking you're right all the time. The problem is that you may well be right all the time because you may be one of the few who don't ever speak about something unless you know for sure that you're right. Or not. Only you know. But 99% of people don't live this way. So they have no idea that it's possible. Take a few days of silence and do nothing but listen to other people. Whether in person or on the Internet or the radio or the TV, most people just talk all the time regardless of whether they know what they're talking about or not. If you're one of the few who already know you know that you know then you know this already. Which means you also understand why the world we live in has always been so compromised mediocre and painful.
Most people are not half as interested in being right as they are to being heard. Which is why the world is filled with so much noise disguised as content. Erroneous soundbites created by misinformed (or worse yet, disinformed) propaganda machines. Mediocrity for the masses of mediocre. But again, if you're one of the few who know, then you know this already. The secret is to do your best to disguise the fact that you know this so you can maintain a semblance of feeling and appearing as though you fit in.
Some people don't recognize how often you confess to not knowing things so you can in turn ask about and then learn about whatever it is in that moment that you don't think you know enough about. This is one of the tell-tale signs of a someone who knows a whole hell of a lot versus a pompous know it all who only thinks they know a lot. People who know a lot have no problem admitting when they dont know something. In fact they do it all the time. They remain in effect in a constant state of knowing how much they dont know and thus are always attempting to do something about it.
This is why -- if you're a long time reader of The Transcendence Diaries or just one of those who "know" -- you may remember the old adage proffered here years ago stating that "Those who truly KNOW (all cap KNOW) know that they don't know. (meaning they know that they don't know much of anything and will therefore never truly KNOW) and thus this is how those who KNOW can recognize others who KNOW. By the fact that they know that they don't really KNOW and they don't mind admitting it. None of us do. This, it turns out, is just about the only thing there is to really know. Therefore if you're ever in a position where you're trying to figure out if someone really KNOWS, or if instead they're just "smart" or know a lot, you can easily determine this by their willingness and/or capability to admit that they know that they don't really KNOW. If you KNOW then you know what I'm talking about here. If not... Then, well, start taking a look at all the things you and everyone else doesn't know. Soon you'll discover that none of us really know much of anything. That's the first step and the first major realization on the road to really KNOWING But of course that's also our curse. It isnt easy knowing so much that you've reached the point where you know how much we still dont know. It makes social interactions with nearly everyone entirely unbearable. Your choice again is to pretend how little you know all the time in order to fit in, ie "playing dumb," or being a flat out recluse or loner. But at least we know it. There's a wee bit of solace and refuge in that.
And therein lies the challenge. Just by your very nature, even if you've perfected the art of dumbing down in order to fit in, you still may get attacked. It's as if people can vibrationally pick up on the fact that you arent nearly as dumb and normal as you pretend to be. And to the other strategy, just being yourself and boldly going through life hoping that over the years you will meet others at the same level as you, even when you confess to not knowing things you dont know, you still get accused of always thinking you know it all.
It's easy to start playing dumb. To fit in wirh the bulk of the people you encounter on the road through life. But I recommened resisting that temptation with everything you've got. The same goes for going the loner route. History is filled with stories of loner geniuses. But I've never fancied that kind of life very appealing myself. I love people too much. I think i love people as much as I love knowing things. In fact i know i do. Which means I spent the first quarter of my life being ridiculed for being a brainiac or nerd, the second quarter of my life playing dumb to fit in, and luckily over the last few years I've managed to find that ever so slight nearly invisible line between being a someone who knows a lot and being a socially acceptable and appealing fellow human. I consider myself very lucky for this.
Of course I still get attacked now and then and accused of being a know it all, or someone who "always has to be right all the time." But at this point I'm too aware of how utterly meaningless it is to care about such things. Knowing that you know you know is simply too valuable a commodity for oneself and the world around us to care more about fitting in than knowing a lot. In the end you and most others around you will begin to recognize how much more important you are to the world because of what you know versus how well you fit in. In fact as "Mr. Tipping Point" himself pointed out in his last book "Outliers", if you've got what it takes to endure those first few decades of ridicule, there's a good chance your knowing will contribute considerably more to the world than your fitting in ever will.
The main point to always remember is that only YOU know if you really know that you know that you know. With the right amount of courage and confidence, you can either ignore or overcome the objections of others and use this gift to make the world a better place for all of us.
Happy New Year?
Saturday night or sunday morning 3AM depending on how you look at it. January 1st, 2012. Yep. Its no secret. Except maybe to folks in Hawaii. Weve finally wrestled free from the viscious grip of 2011 and in the last 3 seconds of the game we managed to dive into the endzone of 2012. Thank God. As more than one good friend family member or innocent passerby commented over the last few weeks, "2011 sucked". I tend to agree. So I'm more than a little happy relieved and excited to leave that number behind once and for all. Talk about change and challenge. If 2011 offered anything, it was a lot of change and a whole hell of a lot of challenge. Let's agree to get into that some other day. It's late now and I'm tired. Besides the fact that I'm attempting to write this post in the pitch black of night on a tiny ass little iPhone keyboard.
I've been married now for almost two years. I've got friends who've been married for twenty. So I get that two years isn't a long time for such things. But long time friends fans and readers know that the ongoing saga that recounts the romance between me and Princess Little Tree has been a long slow steady natural and very organic evolution. It started with a bang. An impossible love at first sight -- nearly ten years ago. And slowly over time it eventually evolved into one of the most super-natural and magical Hollywood ending like weddings I've ever had the priveledge to be a part of. The fact that it was my wedding made it that much more incredible.
I'd just about given up on "finding the One" when I realized I already had. Princess Little Tree had always been there. Right under my nose all along. Sometimes at the forefront of my wild life. And at other times more in the background. But always an active and willing character in the never ending "Adventures of Fishy" (that's me btw for new readers; and it also happens to be the title of the series of novels which a very small part of you are now reading).
Marriage is a rocky road. I don't lie anymore. It's too damn hard to get away with both literally and karmically. So you won't ever hear me utter the words "marriage is easy." But one good thing I have discovered about marriage is this: if you committ to your committment, such as the sentiments you expressed in your wedding vows when everything was all hot sex and fireworks, and you're willing to not only allow your partner to change as they see fit, but also change along with them, marriage offers an amazing array of benefits that very few other things in life seem to. I've done just about everything a human being should be allowed to in my short life thus far and more even. In that i am very very blessed. Or just really damn lucky. And I've gotta admit, marrying the fairest purest kindest most beautiful girl in all the world has so far been the most rewarding experience I've ever had.
Having waited for over twenty years and making sure that I more than sowed my wild oats was the strategy as any faithful reader or friend of mine knows. I wanted no regrets when I was older. Neither did I want any midlife crisis leading to divorce as more than 55% of Americans experience. Just didn't see it in the cards for me. Besides, there was no real reason as far as I was concerned to rush into marriage. I never saw marriage as an accomplishment as a lot of middle Americans seem to, rushing into it in their early to mid twenties as if marriage and children in and of itself was some kind of goal or acheivement. Girls were plenty. And rushing into anything that lasts "forever" seemed to me at least to be a damn risky venture. So I looked at marriage as more of a "well if I ever really feel that strongly about a girl where the actual thought of marriage doesn't make me feel sick and frightened then I'll be happy to do it." But until that time if it ever arrives, I'm just as happy being single and enjoying the heck out of what singlehood has to offer.
But then along came PLT. From the moment I met her I couldn't put her away so to speak. Couldn't shake her. No matter how hard I tried. And truth be told not only was she the best friend I'd ever made in my life, she also happened to be the most kind sweet caring unique generoous neat cool sexy fun loyal and special girl I'd ever known. Once I let my guard down, after almost seven years of on again off again mini romances wirh her, I felt something with her that I'd never truly felt before: YES. I felt YES everytime I thought or prayed about marrying her. It just took me a while to realize that sometimes what we think we are looking for may not appear from the outside looking in to be what we originally plan on when we're young and idealistic to the point of living in a fantasy world as we artists tend to do for better or worse.
So I took the plunge. Princess Little Tree had waited for me her whole life. She knew from the moment she laid eyes on me that she'd never feel as much love in her heart as she did for me. She wrote to me daily in her personal diaries for seven years. Without my knowledge. And more than that she stayed my best friend through those seven years as I dated hundreds of other girls in my quest to find Mrs Right or just have a good time as a single man with an irresistably controversial reputation.
Fast forward three years and here we are. Husband and wife. Pigs do fly after all and hell has officially frozen so said Duckie, one of my formers and still a good friend since high school when she first heard the news. I was surprised how easy it was -- proposing, allowing her in all the way, letting the invisible wall come down brick by brick that sheilded my heart of hearts from anyone but myself and my God. Being married to Princess Little Tree is easy. I've got to admit it. It would be unfair to her not to. Surprisingly easy.
On the other side of the token being married in general is challenging. No matter who u marry. Surprising even more for me was the discovery that as perfect as she seemed as a friend and girlfriend PLT has her own special set of imperfections. We all do. God knows it can't be easy to be married to me. It's nearly 4am in the morning now and I'm sitting here writing in bed next to the beautiful princess who's been sleeping since 1. She'll wake up for her day sometime around 5 to 7 AM. I'll sleep till noon if she let's me. That can't be easy. I get it.
But the real point to it all for me at least is that for all the chalenges that day to day married life throws in our way, once we overcome them we find ourselves even more in love with our spouse than we were before. And I wholeheartedly mean that. It's the reason I'm writing this post. It's the major theme of the film. It's the aria of this particular opera.
For three days or more I have found myself falling more and more in love with PLT than I ever felt before. And that says a lot. As a hopeless romantic as these Diaries attest to time and time again when I fall in love I fall hard. Earth shattering hard. And yet there seems to be no bottom to hit as you fall. No limits. If you're married to the right person I assume.
Tonight we drove thirty minutes away from our own home to stay in a posh hotel in downtown Seattle, to share dinner together at a five star restaurant and attend a concert by the Seattle Symphony performing Beethoven's 9th Symphony as a way to bring in the New Year. She looked ravishing. As always. Dressed all in black. I am always so proud to be seen with her. Because Princess Little Tree is a drop dead gorgeous to look at woman when it comes to pure beauty. And yes that's a very nice thing. But it's not THE thing.
The real thing, the ultimate thing, about PLT as far as I can tell, is who she is inside. The only word that repeatedly comes to mind is "special." Like a fairy princess out of story book, she often looks and speaks and acts overtly magical or other worldly. She's happy when we do big things. Like this evening's grand adventure. But she's just as happy doing simple things. She'd never been to a symphony before. It was an honor to accompany her to her first and to observe the looks on her face throughout. She is almost never without appreciation or gratitude. And hence I am never without a longing to please her or make her happy.
After the symphony we joined a thousand others for a raucous champaign soaked dance and New Years Eve countdown. We toasted each other numerous times recounting our various new years resolutions to one another. Each and every one a shared goal. As if what is most important to either one of us is equally important to the other. Words can not do justice to what a remarkable feeling that is. To share that unity of vision with another. Each toast was puncuated with a kiss or two or three. Eventually we made our way out into the streets to head back to our hotel. She took her heels off because her feet hurt and walked back in her barefeet and stockings in 35 degree weather and smiled and laughed the whole way.
You see, when you are lucky enough to find yourself married to a girl like that, a real live in the flesh princess, there is no end to how much love you can feel for her. It is boundless. So yes, indeed, so far it has been a very happy new year. But alas the new year is only four hours old. Something tells me that this new year has the potential to offer more incredible opportunities for all of us than any other year of our lifetimes. It's just a hunch. Call it "2012 superstition." I also see that this new year may pose more challenges for those of us striving for peace on earth and love and light than we've experienced in decades. It's in the air. A new Renaissance is just around the bend. Many have been feeling it for months now.
What gives me hope, what makes me smile as I sit her writing, is that regardless of how crazy or challenging things may become as the climax of this grand battle between good and evil on earth reaches it's zenith, I've got this knowing inside that everything is going to be ok. Better than ok. True love can do that to us if we let it. I now know and understand the power of true love on a personal level. PLT has given me that. And so much more. And not even deliberatly. It wasn't a conscious decision I don't believe anyway as much as just one of rhe many benefits of allowing her into my life and allowing her to be her incredible beautiful self.
No matter how tough things get in a marriage -- and they do at times -- there is refuge in the fact that if youre married to the right person and you stick it out things will turn back around and become even better than they were before. This is an amazing phenomenon. Just one of the many that true love between two people has to offer us.
I've been married now for almost two years. I've got friends who've been married for twenty. So I get that two years isn't a long time for such things. But long time friends fans and readers know that the ongoing saga that recounts the romance between me and Princess Little Tree has been a long slow steady natural and very organic evolution. It started with a bang. An impossible love at first sight -- nearly ten years ago. And slowly over time it eventually evolved into one of the most super-natural and magical Hollywood ending like weddings I've ever had the priveledge to be a part of. The fact that it was my wedding made it that much more incredible.
I'd just about given up on "finding the One" when I realized I already had. Princess Little Tree had always been there. Right under my nose all along. Sometimes at the forefront of my wild life. And at other times more in the background. But always an active and willing character in the never ending "Adventures of Fishy" (that's me btw for new readers; and it also happens to be the title of the series of novels which a very small part of you are now reading).
Marriage is a rocky road. I don't lie anymore. It's too damn hard to get away with both literally and karmically. So you won't ever hear me utter the words "marriage is easy." But one good thing I have discovered about marriage is this: if you committ to your committment, such as the sentiments you expressed in your wedding vows when everything was all hot sex and fireworks, and you're willing to not only allow your partner to change as they see fit, but also change along with them, marriage offers an amazing array of benefits that very few other things in life seem to. I've done just about everything a human being should be allowed to in my short life thus far and more even. In that i am very very blessed. Or just really damn lucky. And I've gotta admit, marrying the fairest purest kindest most beautiful girl in all the world has so far been the most rewarding experience I've ever had.
Having waited for over twenty years and making sure that I more than sowed my wild oats was the strategy as any faithful reader or friend of mine knows. I wanted no regrets when I was older. Neither did I want any midlife crisis leading to divorce as more than 55% of Americans experience. Just didn't see it in the cards for me. Besides, there was no real reason as far as I was concerned to rush into marriage. I never saw marriage as an accomplishment as a lot of middle Americans seem to, rushing into it in their early to mid twenties as if marriage and children in and of itself was some kind of goal or acheivement. Girls were plenty. And rushing into anything that lasts "forever" seemed to me at least to be a damn risky venture. So I looked at marriage as more of a "well if I ever really feel that strongly about a girl where the actual thought of marriage doesn't make me feel sick and frightened then I'll be happy to do it." But until that time if it ever arrives, I'm just as happy being single and enjoying the heck out of what singlehood has to offer.
But then along came PLT. From the moment I met her I couldn't put her away so to speak. Couldn't shake her. No matter how hard I tried. And truth be told not only was she the best friend I'd ever made in my life, she also happened to be the most kind sweet caring unique generoous neat cool sexy fun loyal and special girl I'd ever known. Once I let my guard down, after almost seven years of on again off again mini romances wirh her, I felt something with her that I'd never truly felt before: YES. I felt YES everytime I thought or prayed about marrying her. It just took me a while to realize that sometimes what we think we are looking for may not appear from the outside looking in to be what we originally plan on when we're young and idealistic to the point of living in a fantasy world as we artists tend to do for better or worse.
So I took the plunge. Princess Little Tree had waited for me her whole life. She knew from the moment she laid eyes on me that she'd never feel as much love in her heart as she did for me. She wrote to me daily in her personal diaries for seven years. Without my knowledge. And more than that she stayed my best friend through those seven years as I dated hundreds of other girls in my quest to find Mrs Right or just have a good time as a single man with an irresistably controversial reputation.
Fast forward three years and here we are. Husband and wife. Pigs do fly after all and hell has officially frozen so said Duckie, one of my formers and still a good friend since high school when she first heard the news. I was surprised how easy it was -- proposing, allowing her in all the way, letting the invisible wall come down brick by brick that sheilded my heart of hearts from anyone but myself and my God. Being married to Princess Little Tree is easy. I've got to admit it. It would be unfair to her not to. Surprisingly easy.
On the other side of the token being married in general is challenging. No matter who u marry. Surprising even more for me was the discovery that as perfect as she seemed as a friend and girlfriend PLT has her own special set of imperfections. We all do. God knows it can't be easy to be married to me. It's nearly 4am in the morning now and I'm sitting here writing in bed next to the beautiful princess who's been sleeping since 1. She'll wake up for her day sometime around 5 to 7 AM. I'll sleep till noon if she let's me. That can't be easy. I get it.
But the real point to it all for me at least is that for all the chalenges that day to day married life throws in our way, once we overcome them we find ourselves even more in love with our spouse than we were before. And I wholeheartedly mean that. It's the reason I'm writing this post. It's the major theme of the film. It's the aria of this particular opera.
For three days or more I have found myself falling more and more in love with PLT than I ever felt before. And that says a lot. As a hopeless romantic as these Diaries attest to time and time again when I fall in love I fall hard. Earth shattering hard. And yet there seems to be no bottom to hit as you fall. No limits. If you're married to the right person I assume.
Tonight we drove thirty minutes away from our own home to stay in a posh hotel in downtown Seattle, to share dinner together at a five star restaurant and attend a concert by the Seattle Symphony performing Beethoven's 9th Symphony as a way to bring in the New Year. She looked ravishing. As always. Dressed all in black. I am always so proud to be seen with her. Because Princess Little Tree is a drop dead gorgeous to look at woman when it comes to pure beauty. And yes that's a very nice thing. But it's not THE thing.
The real thing, the ultimate thing, about PLT as far as I can tell, is who she is inside. The only word that repeatedly comes to mind is "special." Like a fairy princess out of story book, she often looks and speaks and acts overtly magical or other worldly. She's happy when we do big things. Like this evening's grand adventure. But she's just as happy doing simple things. She'd never been to a symphony before. It was an honor to accompany her to her first and to observe the looks on her face throughout. She is almost never without appreciation or gratitude. And hence I am never without a longing to please her or make her happy.
After the symphony we joined a thousand others for a raucous champaign soaked dance and New Years Eve countdown. We toasted each other numerous times recounting our various new years resolutions to one another. Each and every one a shared goal. As if what is most important to either one of us is equally important to the other. Words can not do justice to what a remarkable feeling that is. To share that unity of vision with another. Each toast was puncuated with a kiss or two or three. Eventually we made our way out into the streets to head back to our hotel. She took her heels off because her feet hurt and walked back in her barefeet and stockings in 35 degree weather and smiled and laughed the whole way.
You see, when you are lucky enough to find yourself married to a girl like that, a real live in the flesh princess, there is no end to how much love you can feel for her. It is boundless. So yes, indeed, so far it has been a very happy new year. But alas the new year is only four hours old. Something tells me that this new year has the potential to offer more incredible opportunities for all of us than any other year of our lifetimes. It's just a hunch. Call it "2012 superstition." I also see that this new year may pose more challenges for those of us striving for peace on earth and love and light than we've experienced in decades. It's in the air. A new Renaissance is just around the bend. Many have been feeling it for months now.
What gives me hope, what makes me smile as I sit her writing, is that regardless of how crazy or challenging things may become as the climax of this grand battle between good and evil on earth reaches it's zenith, I've got this knowing inside that everything is going to be ok. Better than ok. True love can do that to us if we let it. I now know and understand the power of true love on a personal level. PLT has given me that. And so much more. And not even deliberatly. It wasn't a conscious decision I don't believe anyway as much as just one of rhe many benefits of allowing her into my life and allowing her to be her incredible beautiful self.
No matter how tough things get in a marriage -- and they do at times -- there is refuge in the fact that if youre married to the right person and you stick it out things will turn back around and become even better than they were before. This is an amazing phenomenon. Just one of the many that true love between two people has to offer us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)