It's very difficult to explain. I am attempting to do something, usually something very intensive, just now I was helping a trucker move a very large and heavy suitcase out of the back of the cab and into this lavish island looking condo, perhaps his perhaps not. When I go to do the activity like this in this instance get out of the passengers seat of the truck and grab the large suitcase I cannot for the life of me see the entire spectrum of my usual line of site from left to right or from up and down. It is as if I am only seeing a small quarter of what I can usually only see. I feel paralyzed by this. I look left I look right I rub my eyes but still nothing. The trucker is talking to me. Trying to guide me thru maneuvering this giant heavy cargo out of the truck and down these big metal steps of the truck. I want to listen. I want to do well. I want to not mess up. I am thinking about swing Christmas cards this year. To the whole database. Everyone we know. But all that writing. God that's a lot. Thousands of cards. Maybe we can figure out a way to print out address labels and make it easier. Damn Christmas just passed didn't it. Should we do them late? I really cant see. I'm serious. This is no joke. I can seriously only see about 30% of what I usually can out of my eyes. I'm only seeing a small sliver of what's in front of me or to the sides. No peripheral vision at all. I'm not going to make it out of this cab with this suitcase and into that mans condo. Just can't see well enough. What the hell is going on? Why can't I see anything? Both eyes totally open. I'm literally staring at a suitcase with both eyes totally open and I can only see 30% of this damn suitcase. What is in my eyes blocking my vision?

This is when it occurs to me. This has happened before. Several times. Many times. I am dreaming. I must be asleep. This only happens when I am dreaming. This has never happened to me when I've been awake. It's some kind of a dream glitch. An inability to see fully panoramically or to see your self or your body or as much as we normally do when awake. We see half of things all the time. 1/3 of things of objects of ourselves of the works in front of us in front of our eyes.

I am instantly thrust into the condo itself. My mom is rushing around as usual raisin her voice about how important it is to get this done. A chubby black lady comes in and asks me if I need any help with things. I can't find that back door for the life of me. I'm supposed to let that trucker in thru there. Who is he again? How many places does he have? This makes no sense. Why does he live in so many places? And why here? Someone holds up a photo and yells to me across the room "oh I've heard about this. This is a picture of you when you were a baby. Your mother told me about it." she's going thru a box of old things it appears. There is a giant crowd of people walking slowly into the carport entrance way of this resort. They r all wearing raincoats dark ones and scarves over their heads. Using umbrellas. Going somewhere. Gathering together. For what? They're going to be in our way. Won't be able to move the truck. Can't remember.

I am now on the bed. Alistair is sleeping by my side. I remember. I can feel the heat and warmth of his body next to mine. I must be awake. I remember now. I just need to reach my phone. See what time it is. I wonder how long I slept. I'd I could get to a drink on my bedside table to wake up. But I still can't see. Only a sliver of the bed. I can see the red of the bedspread but not much else. This is odd. I am turning but I cannot see the damn table to reach my phone. I struggle for some time. No matter how I move my body I cannot see or reach the table right next to me. More struggle. Same as before in the truck. I must still be asleep. Wow. Intense.

Then I awaken for real. Seemingly. At least two different levels of dreams. Maybe three. There is something with either control full control and or sight that is either impossible fully when we are dreaming or signals that we are dreaming. I suspect the former. Somehow I have managed to jump to a deeper level of awareness where I expect full sight and mobility and become surprised when I cannot muster it. This then signals that I am dreaming. Interesting to note. Will need to have more memory of the exact phenomenon before i can conclude anything. Not much yet here except your site appears to be blocked as if blackness is in your eyes blocking a good chunk I your vision of things right in front of your face. Especially when attempting to see your whole body. Usually can only see bits and pieces of my body. Strange. More later.




- Posted by The Ambassador using BlogPress on an iPhone