Studying the history of Holland for a few days now. not so exciting. they have spent thousands of years doing what is known as ‘reclaiming’ land from the ocean so they can live in all these towns close to the sea. When in fact they have this huge piece of land more inland that they wouldn’t even have to worry about the oceans waves. Millions and millions of acres of it, but they persist in spending billions of dollars on trying to take back the land from the ocean by building all these dykes and rivers and dams etc. Really weird. Cities like Amsterdam should be completely underwater by now, but the people persist in trying to fight the flow of nature. Lots of cool stuff in this. Not as an exciting history than say England or Italy, but lots of cool stuff. Rembrandt and Van Gough of course. And for a very brief time they ruled the entire western world, but that didn't last long.

Italian getting easier. It is fun like a game. Always guessing, throwing things together to see if a sentence comes out or if the person you are speaking with just looks at you like you are crazy. then you know a sentence did not come out. Today I visited the Loggia again and the Palazzo Vecchio and the Gallery di Uffizi. I saw the all the paintings and frescoes and statues of the renaissance from Bottecelli to Michelangelo to Raphael, even some Rembrandt. You are looking at this huge painting and you casually glance at the name and you see ‘Rembrandt’ and then you look at the painting again and you are like ‘the Rembrandt?’ holy shit. At this point I had to find food. I was in overwhelm. 

I haven't gotten out of this overwhelmed feeling. Completely surrounded by all this incredible larger than life art. things that I have been staring at in books since I was a little child and now you're just seeing it everywhere. and you realize, you know, o.k., I'm actually here. like, this is it. it doesn’t get more real than this or more authentic I guess. Depending on what angle you are looking at authentic from.

O.k. so all day I am just I don't know really trying to learn or, master say,  this ability to feel into stuff and feel through , in the moment feel into the resistance and into the lesson of it in the moment and then let go of it rather than think there is something there that needs attention. Or worse yet, try to not think it which is the worst thing you can do or try to suppress it or forget about it. It is an allowing process that says, “I am here. I am me. I am experiencing this. this is funny. This is not me. this is a thought/feeling. Interesting.” And then you just kind of get from it what you want and then you move on. You move through it. 

A lot of working on mastering that now. getting to that point where it is all the way deep inside you that you know without a shadow of a doubt that it is up to you and God and no one and nothing else. And that no matter what other people say or even you think sometimes that you really can have or do whatever you want. That it is truly our game. I know what you're thinking. but if I wasn't being whispered this in my

I have to find food. Stand by. More in a few minutes.

O.k. I finally found a real restaurant. Florence is really a tourist town. It is like living in Disney world. So maybe it is not a place to live but a good place to come and study for some time. But even the restaurants are known all over the world for what they are really, touristy fast food joints that don't care about the food they are serving. But I bet if you ask around you can find some really cool little secret places hidden away. After all real people do really live here. 

Was told today that they found me a better apartment. I almost didn't bother to go look. I was so tired. I have not been sleeping at all yet. Just so psyched from being here and it is so effing hot. I took a nap in the shitty little hot apartment I was staying in and then I forced myself up and walked maybe twenty minutes to this other neighborhood and when I get there I look down and there is this beautiful feather in front of the doorstep. All of a sudden the last few weeks I have been finding feathers again. it is the way that God or the spirit guides or angels or whatever communicate with me. it is just amazing. wonderful. I have felt so happy lately the last few months finding feathers again after so long. It is like they are saying ‘hey we are here, hanging out with you again. guiding you for this period. all is well. check out this apartment. you will like it.”