Received this from rob Breszny today, along with every other Libra in the civilized world:

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "I lost the plot for a while," says a character in
 Nick Hornby's novel, *High Fidelity.* "And I lost the subplot, the script,
 the soundtrack, the intermission, the popcorn, the credits, and the exit
 sign." I'm betting you could have said something like that recently, Libra.
 The story of your life seemed to have been whisked out from under you
 and banished to the wilderness on the outskirts of limbo, where the
 wasteland meets no man's land. That's the bad news. The good news is
 that while you may never recover the plot you started with, you'll soon find a brand new one that's better than the original.”

The amazing thing is how completely accurate he is most of the time. I don't know if that is a testament to how gifted he is or how utterly will-less I am, and how much I am at the pure mercy of the mechanizations of the universe. But regardless, a more suiting summary of my last three months couldn’t have been written by me personally. I have been so plagued by a general feeling of homelessness and not belonging in the life I am currently occupying that I am not shocked at all by this sudden and mysterious re-occurrence of panic attacks a few weeks ago.

[Luckily none since. as long as I keep plenty of Bs in my system and keep the caffeine intake down to two a day they stay at bay. Interestingly since their reoccurrence I have mentioned it to a few people and have been surprised to hear that a lot of people are experiencing similar symptoms. Not knowing what it is. thinking they are going to die and feeling as though they have to go to the nearest hospital or at the least making appointments with their doctors. I think it could just be the combination of our horrible diets here in the states now and the high levels of stress we have now in mass consciousness in general. Take a look at this: the top five headlines on cnn.com today.

• Ivan evacuations begin along Gulf Coast
• Baby tossed from car during police chase |  Video
• Fire-rigged letter sent to Schwarzenegger
• Guilty plea in $50 million identity theft
• Sisters in jihad
Female terrorists are becoming more common
• Russia adds $5b to terror fight
• Pictures show horror of Madrid train blasts

This is the world we are living in today. what a mess. at least according to CNN. IF you pay attention to what's going on. Its insane. Not that it hasn’t always been insane because certainly it always has been for us . the human condition is at best barely bearable. I would dare say that our best bet to maintain our sanity would be to avoid paying attention to the world around us entirely and just focus on the things that make us happy and content and do our best to spread that feeling around us as much as possible. I am convinced that the world we live in will always be filled with chaos madness despair pain agony deception vices murders tortures rapes hangings beheadings gripes battles lost environmental degradation genocides and general human suffering enough to make even the most heartless among us lose a little sleep now and then. The key as it has always been is to focus on the simple pleasures that make it all miraculously worthwhile: art music love truth beauty friends and family.

In other news, I had a marvelous dinner with a friend from the TMG offices tonight. my first official day back in mainstream reality. We went for sushi and discussed everything from fractal theory and madelbrot sets to seeing beyond the known to get to the known unknown. Break through to the other side of that and there you really have something. drank six bottles of cold saki and ate more sushi than should be legal. A glorious night. there is intelligent life on South beach after all.

[from rob Breszny]
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your life has brought you many maddeningly inconclusive adventures. On occasion, you've probably been tempted to invest what was left of your battered faith in the doctrine proclaimed by Gertrude Stein: "There ain't no answer. There ain't going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer." But now the time has come for you to suspend your belief in Stein's theory and others like it. During the next five months, I predict that you will be given more precise, definitive answers than you've ever had before.

So yes it is true, I certainly would be more inclined as of late to concur with Ms. Stein about the nature of it all. Life is a dream where there are no answers except the ones we try desperately to talk ourselves into in each moment in our attempt to hang on for yet another day. every now and then a bit of relevance or sense may pop in just to keep us going. but overall... this world is just pure random madness.

We’ll see if the old sage is right, or if perhaps the new prophet has found some truth in this world of madness and mayhem.

I'll tell you what always comes up for me... its how short life is and how short life is going to seem for us when we get older. That's what it is for me. And... by the grace of God or anything that remotely resembles IT, will we ever get any big-picture-meaning out of it?

In other news, I am sometimes overwhelmed lately with a feeling of how blessed I am with so many good friends. Bas tells me, ‘you have more friends than anyone I've ever known.” I joke to him, “My brother I believe you may be right. I just may the most friended guy in the world. and thank God. Because I'm lonely as fucking hell.” We laugh.  “It takes a lot of time to have all those friends. You're never off that fucking phone. I could never be that way.” But I like it. A lot. Especially now. Good feeling. It is as if God or the universe if trying to tell me something lately. Like giving me this gift. These little reminders...