Every moment it is as though SHE is there, around the corner, any minute we will bump into each other... and this is funny, because there is this girl in New York that I met that I instantly loved, but there are problems with it... and of course I never stop thinking of Juliet. Even when I'm not thinking of Juliet, I will dream of her. I think its hilarious at this point. She is so not my type but there is just something so appealing about her. I am sure it is the fact that she is three thousand miles away. LOL.

No matter who she is, she is close. Now I dream with her every night and feel her presence inside of me and around me. It is uncanny how I can feel it now. on the trip last week when we were all partying in the hotel room after the shows with all these girls I had absolutely no interest in the girls. It was very weird. Like just no interest. Because none of them were the one. so it was like I was turned off to them completely except just as people; just girls in the room. not trying to fool around with them; Not turning it on or trying to flirt or anything. I was even shocked. But I really feel this other presence now. as if it is all around me and I just don't see it.

Now of course this presupposes that she as well believes in the whole soul mates thing/marriage for life thing/meant to be together thing. remember, there are no absolutes, I mean even gravity is not an absolute on many levels [for instance in other parts of the universe] so this whole feeling I have about this is predependent on the fact that I really believe in it and that I meet someone else who also believes the same type of thing, that for everyone there is a someone and that we meet over a period of many lifetimes and slowly become soul mates throughout these lifetimes and that we know it when we meet one another and that in this lifetime we will want to stay together forever, if not just a long time (not sure on that one quite yet – would love for it to be forever, but certainly not attached to that as many people are), but in this over all soul mate meant to be together thing. this is a belief that I love. Just makes me feel great. Totally knowing and understanding underneath it all that it is indeed just a belief and that it is not necessarily true for everyone but only those who subscribe to it.

So is it true? do we one day see someone and hear a whisper in our ear that they are the one? or is it more subtle than that? can it happen slowly, over time... for me I know this: that when I meet someone who is not the one, I know almost immediately. After a date or two at least, I know. it is a whisper, and sometimes even a scream. It is right there in my ears, and in my heart, telling me that it isn't the right one. so I wonder... is it that way when it happens? I know with Cleopatra it was. from the moment I saw her.

And here's the deal; I feel Her feeling the same thing that I do. completely. I feel her feeling the same thing and believing the same things that I am feeling. And wondering about me. so I walk around kind of high from the whole experience of it and really enjoy it. I'm not even in a hurry for it at this point because of the fact that it feels so close now that I realize that it is just around the corner and I can wait. I can enjoy being who I am and where I am in the moment and look forward to it.

Had a nice long conversation with Julia. I think it was very good for both of us. Bubbling little energetic bursts of connection, understanding, and realization. Synapses firing. Talked about soul mates. Is there a soul mate for everyone? I mean is this something that we really believe in? Are we taking it all down whole, this concept? And what's more, does ‘soul mate’ imply a ‘romantic interest’ like as a husband or wife or girlfriend or boyfriend only? No probably not, but doesn’t your heart ache for that? Don't we all ache for that? God yes. Can you have a husband/wife and not have that person be your soul mate? Grand concepts by a virtual fire just the two of us. alone in the universe for those brief moments. I tell her I always knew it. just took some time for our souls to catch up to one another. what I like and admire about Julia is that she KNOWS. she's there. there is no bullshit in her. and I don't have to hold back with her. she keeps up. she trots ahead. 

There were two moments there, these two statements... “she is an expert at navigating through fame and fortune...” she tells me. And then another, “Fishy it was so good speaking with you! My heart aches with you, and soars with you.” Echoing my sentiments exactly. I was still driving when we hung up. I stepped on the pedal a little more, sped up, and checked in the rearview to see how it looked to feel so good in that moment... I repeated it to myself several times... “My heart aches with you, and soars with you.” God that's brilliant. How does she come up with it?

Reconnecting with many friends in New York this weekend. I cannot believe how many of the people I love and adore live there now. One by one everyone moving there. Some new friends and many life long ones. Doesn’t it feel good when we reconnect with really old friends?

Things crazy at the record company. I had asked Tinkerbelle if she would come by and help us out a bit this week. we’re way behind. So she has been the last few days. Leaving for New York in the morning. I go to write her a check. And she says ‘no way. absolutely not.’ And I'm like “what?” she looks at me, “you're not paying me Fishy. you did so much for us at C-Roc. I just want to show my appreciation for that.” I was so surprised and happy. I had no idea. I just assumed we were paying her for her help. And she just assumed she was doing it for free... my heart felt very warm and happy from this. Just goes to show. Life is good sometimes.

[a quick note for the record. life is good most of the time but not all the time. the big man in black who got Shattered our first record deal back in the day calls up to say that he loves sleep with you and wants to make some calls and shop it to some labels. Gets us all psyched and then a week later has his attorney call to ask for us to pay him this ridiculous retainer of thousands of dollars. As if he didn't remember that the deal we ended up with way back when never really panned out. The album we recorded, aftermath, is still unreleased to this day. And the deal that I ended up with as a solo artist on Sony amounted to almost nothing. Acoustic in New York ended up being released on an indie and not on a major. So here I was thinking how sweet life was that things were coming around full circle and that he was just being cool and going to finally take things to the finish line because he was a good guy and believed in us.... and then I get this call at ten o'clock at night asking for money... lets just say that the conversation ended rather abruptly with all parties doing their best to agree to disagree.]