I am done here. Cannot wait to go home. Or just get out of Rome. I really don't know where home is now. I've been done with Miami for a while now too. Home has been wherever Cleopatra is for so long. Now home needs to change. Maybe home is where ever I am? A few more days left of school. I haven't even been going to school on time. So my question to myself is ‘have I done it?’ have I found anything? Did I find what I was looking for? Have I found a bit more of myself? Do I feel more whole? Do I feel a bit more like me? 

The new CD arrived today. I had them FedEx it to me here in Rome. Such an exciting feeling opening that baby up and listening to it for the first time. Wwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I was listening to the song keep moving on and thinking about when I wrote it. last year or the year before. Cleo and I had just broken up. I was single for the first time in my life really. Since high school  had always had a grlfre. I was dating girls. I lived in this big house by myself. It was crazy. I felt great. But I also felt lonely and a little confused. I cried at night a lot because I missed Cleo so much. I wondered really how I would ever live without her. I still do sometimes. God who am I kidding. Most of the time. she was the only person who was ever able to take care of me. no not really. Maddie did too. but I'm great at taking care of other people. as long as someone else is taking care of me. man that's weird. ???

But I was listening to this song today and I felt so good about where I am now. I realize now that I can make it through anything. I can do anything. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I am going through, I will make it. those were hard times. But they are over. I kept moving on. G2 told me that he cried when he heard the song for the first time. me too. 

Eating this amazing breakfast with a view of the ocean. Hey its not Miami, but its pretty nice. seeing that the “lindenberger” cheese that is supposedly German we are eating has a little Kraft label on it makes me feel very good. everytime I see an Italian smoking Marlboros or some other American brand it makes me feel good. you don't think about that until you leave America and head abroad and then all you think about is how many of our products are other countries purchasing, how we can increase this, and how we can develop more products in our own country for our own country to purchase. It becomes a little obsession. Thinking about our economy in comparison to other countries. Seeing on TV how Libya now is trying to kiss our ass and finally stand up of that bombing they did. and now we are supposed to authorize the lifting of the sanctions. You don't realize what power it is to be an American till you start traveling. Then you know. we are immune to it back home. Take it for granted. Libya can fuck off. They killed over two hundred of our people for what? Sorry. Yes we will take your 217 million dollars and no we will not lift the sanctions. 

The longer I stay away the more proud I am to be an American. the more I talk to people here and hear what they go through. The red tape and the beaurocracy. Lack of this or that. “how do so many of you have your own companies over there” Stephano from Germany asks me. “shit dude. At one time I had five going. now I only have three.” “This is amazing,” he says. “is it true that anyone can just start a business of their own?” “yes. We can get the idea today and start it tomorrow if we want to. we’re used to this.” “this is why America has such a great economy. You are all so free. Everyone wants money. Everyone wants to consume. So you all work hard to consume more and this keeps your economy growing. In Germany it is not this way. people want security first. They don't think about consuming like you do. if you make a certain amount of money you find a way to live according to that. in America you just look for another job or work two jobs or start your own company. This is amazing.” I looked at him talking about this so passionately while I ate my breakfast. I explained to him how I had been in business since I was nine years old, on and off of course. Starting with my shoe shine business, then my own car wash business, then my own lawn mowing business. then my own term paper writing business in college. Then I started taking the SATs and other tests for people at 2 to 3 hundred dollars a pop. (I know I shouldn’t admit to this) and then my own recording studio, then of course my band was a business, record label, health food store, juice bars, vitamin companies, real estate investment company, on and on. He couldn’t believe it. he has always studied about American entrepreneurs and the free enterprise system in university but now he was sharing a weekend with a very typically passionate American entrepreneur. And I was as much surprised and inspired by his awe and enthusiasm. And I'm not even a very successful entrepreneur at that. I go in and out of being rich. I've made millions and still don't have millions. The good ones, they get rich and they stay rich. That's my goal I tell him. I recount to him how Tony Robbins went from one hundred thousand a year to one million a year in a few years and then from one to six million a year a year or two later. This is what I'm working at. He looks at me with wide eyes. “six million dollars a year?” he exclaims. “sure, that's nothing. A lot of CEOs make forty million a year, easy.” It is very easy to do this in America. It is inbred in us. we grow up seeing and hearing about it everyday.” 

Today I went to lunch with the French guy and the two German guys from class. Good times. Three of us are in the same age group. They are all very surprised by my being here etc. as if Americans don't come to other countries etc. They are all here for their jobs. When I explained to them that I had a little Italian in my blood, it made more sense. But there was this feeling in the air about us. they told me that I was not like an American. That America is all puppets and circuses with nothing of substance. That Americans don't speak other languages, either English or Spanish if they are from South America. That most of them don't even know that other countries exist. Etc, etc. I told them they were stereotyping. Walking home one of the Germans Stephano asked me if it is hard for me in the states being an intellectual and being surrounded by dumb people. and If I planned on moving here to Europe so I could be around smarter people. I'm serious. He just came out and asked me this. My first reaction was how does he know if I am intellectual or not. Cause I don't think I am. I think there are plenty of intellectuals in the states and I'm not one of them. I explained to them that I'm a creator. We know a little bit about a lot of things, just enough to keep us constantly stimulated and inspired, but we certainly aren't intellectuals. I have some friends who are intellectuals and they bore the hell out of me. Give me the big picture baby! But I did know what he meant. I told them that in fact yes by the time I had left America I was so bored with the lack of intellectual stimulation I was getting and so disgusted by the constant barrage of crass commercialism in our arts and entertainment—its as if it is a sin to have a brain now in America, one gets the impression that you are better off if you hide the fact that you are smart. Just try to act cool instead. 

Yes I knew what he meant. But I explained to them that I didn't necessarily find it anymore intellectual or intelligent here and I had been to the four largest cities in the country. It is true that most Europeans do speak 2 or 3 foreign languages. And this is impressive. And most Americans only speak English. This is a fact. And it is also a fact that most Americans don't know where or even what Belgium is for example. They kept explaining to me how dumb we were because people like eminem and Britney spears and J lo are like cultural heroes in America, and everything is about being cool and sexy, but that we offer the world nothing of substance. And in America no one cares about being smart. They were really nailing into me with some serious prejudice against Americans. They resent the fact that now their countries are being polluted with crappy American R&B music about sex all the time, and cheesy American movies about sex all the time. they said they are afraid it is going to bring their countries down. I'm not kidding. They nailed into about this for hours. I felt totally discriminated against by these other three guys...

Of course they mentioned GW Bush, and asked me what I thought about him etc, which I get asked by everyone. I told them that on behalf of most Americans we are really sorry for Bush and that although he is a typical American, his administration and his questionable policies are not necessarily representative of most American people. I told them that all of this may be true about a lot of the stupid stuff that is in the mainstream in America. But there is something about the new world that is very special, very stimulating in a different way. it is as if in Europe there is this “we can’t” or “lets wait” mentality. And in the states we have this “we can” or “lets do it” attitude. So yea we’re pretty dumb sometimes, but if I were sick I wouldn’t want to go to a hospital anywhere other than in America. In fact I told them I think really we are the best at everything. I was as shocked to hear this come out of my mouth as they were, but I told them that yes I drive a German car, but that's America, were smart enough to know to drive a German car if we want performance or an Italian or English car if we want luxury and style, or a Japanese car if we want a good deal and a reliable car that will last forever. that's us. maybe we aren't so intellectual, but I just think we are the smartest people. maybe as a whole we aren't, I mean our lowest common denominator is lower than most of the rest of civilization, as evidenced by the inane music in our top forty (for example in America we get our Sting and our Peter Gabriel from the UK (we just think they’re ours)) and of course our very low test scores show the same thing. 

But still I think that the best of us are the best anywhere. And I think our achievements over the last 200 years have shown this. cars, flight, electricity, space program, medicine, government, the list goes on and on, and of course what is an American but someone who came from somewhere else. why are we the best at everything? (I laughed at myself here). it is the fact that all of us came from somewhere else so there is this wide variety of minds and spirits in the states. We have the best of the entire world in our country. Also the innovative spirit that dominates our thinking. Innovation and entrepreneurism are our most prized possessions in our free enterprise system. And the spirit of freedom and liberty that we enjoy is like no where else. I also think that there is a sense of safety in America that other countries don't experience as much. All of these things have lead to and continue to lead to America being a world leader in innovation and achievement in any field we want to undertake. Lets hope we keep it that way. I think by the time we all separated after lunch they were convinced that I was just another egotistical flag waving American like anyone else over there. but I don't care. I have been away long enough now to appreciate more than I ever could before how wonderful America is. and wonderful the American people are. I think we are the smartest coolest most friendly open-minded and spirited polite helpful innovative and motivated people in the world. Every time I meet another American on the street here I am amazed at how sweet and nice AND how knowledgeable they are in this funny kind of American way. like they may not know anything about Rome, but they are pulling in 75 thou a year at home at their job and they are the top at whatever they do. so there is something to be said about that.