I did not return to my grandparents’ house for many years. it is true. I boycotted all family affairs. And because secretly and sadly I told myself that I was too well-bred, well spoken, and snobbish to fit in with my father’s side of the family I avoided them entirely. they always made fun of me when I would visit them, and their poor manners offended me as much as my good manners offended them. So I was a very lonely young man for many years, which we needn’t go into here as I am sure there are thousands of pages in the diaries already recounting it from those days.

For the next five years I tried desperately hard to be an average working class kind of guy and fit in with the rest of the world. But no one would have it. The problem with being even slightly well-bred is that people can see you coming from a mile away. They can see it in the way that you walk and hear it in the tone of your voice. It makes them immediately suspicious of you. So trying to figure out where I fit in at all became an impossible exercise. So I stopped trying. I just started accepting who I was, and creating who I wanted to be. by the time I grew up and out of all of that both my grandfathers had already died. I was not sad. Instead I felt free. I was no longer bound to either side, but rather I could forge ahead and make my own path for my future family. But the mystery sometimes is what kind of path will that be... somewhere down the middle I guess.

Last night we were at dinner with some girl friends of ours and these girls started talking about their sex toys and masturbation habits. It was hilarious but at the same time I was aghast. They were describing things that they assumed that all people knew about and spoke freely about at dinner and everywhere else. I was in shock. And they were in shock that I didn't know anything about these things and they kept looking to Bas and Ferret and asking is he for real? “Fishy’s kind of been living in his own little world for a few years now... don't mind him.” somewhere inside I still hang on to this vision that all women aspire to be Princess Di or Audrey Hepburn. But the truth is that perhaps its only I that aspire women to be like this now. And most girls these days don't even know ... well you get the picture. But here's where it gets tricky.