We played the worst show of our careers last night on one of the biggest stages of our careers. A lot of people said it was good and that they liked it, which is really funny, because all we know is that we really sucked. We went backstage and hid for a while and then I ducked out fast and went and walked around South Beach by myself for a while. I just got home. Sat out in the back porch with my cat and smoked a cigar and just thought for a while. Not really thinking as much as watching my mind race from one thought to another. Bas saying it was the worst he ever heard us. the Ferret saying that it sounded like a big chunk of our music was ripped out. 

My voice cracking the whole time. Totally confused on how to sing now. When before lessons I just sang, never thought about it. We didn't put anything into our monitors so we couldn’t really hear ourselves at all on stage. Really bad. Francis  saying that I need to loosen up more and don't worry so much about the social and political conscious stuff and just run with the animal in me. la Princesa  saying that we just need to learn from the show, know what we did wrong so we know what we have to do right. That we didn't even belong there anyway, that we must rise up to where we belong and take ourselves more seriously. Well that was nice to say and you can always count on friends for that. our fans were great last night as always—a lot of pats on the back and hoots and hollers and calls till all hours saying how great it was, but we knew, I know, that we didn't play even close to what we normally do.    

Didn't sleep much. Dreams were frantic last night. Dreamed I couldn’t drive. I was trying but the car kept going off the road no matter what I did. I couldn’t steer. And then Cleopatra and I were trying to work something out, but she is getting it on with the therapist right in front of me and I am supposed to just watch and accept it. I run down the stairs with a sword in attempts to start killing people from so much pain and anger. I end up being stuck at a party I didn't want to be at. Someone offered me a plate of food I didn't want. Crazy, ‘being out of control’ dreams. the stallion told me that she sometimes hangs onto stuff for way too long. I think I know what she means.

Tons of emails came in about the Rebuild America song we released. Some good some bad. Just trying to make time to read them all and respond to them. More CD reviews coming in. Some good some bad. “the worst thing about their new CD rise and shine is Fishy’s voice. I cannot describe how much it annoys me. he has this annoying way he stretches the notes out really long…” trying to get used to people ragging on you. Exciting stuff.

Current Spin: Caetano Veloso, Live in Bahia.