God is it really the 18^th? 

Last night I had the most amazing experience. I was in a club with Mohamed and some other friends from school. After a while we got so drunk. I was hanging with this French girl who is studying here for most of the night. I said I was going to the restroom. She came with me. we kind of happily stumbled to the restroom area and she came in with me. seriously. I laughed and said no you have to go to the other ones in a very sloppy broken Italian and French invention of mine.... And I pointed. And she shook her head and kept walking in. We went into a stall. Before I knew it, we were making out and fooling around in this stall in this super loud club in the men's room. This was just total hedonism. Drunken sexual liberation. I did not see her at school today. Everything cool. But it is true about what they say about the French. She did have this smell you know that was very French. the French chicks always have it. I won't say anymore than that.   

Great classes today. we are learning the future tenses. in my private class I have the opportunity to just ask questions and converse so this is cool. 

Man I am falling for my teacher. Her personality is so cool. She is very fresh. Sarcastic and intelligent. She constantly makes fun of me. We flirt like crazy. I love that. Throughout our entire lesson I just stare at her and fantasize about making love with her. I don’t hear a word she says. I wonder if she can tell this. she is at the blackboard writing down names of food for me to repeat after her, and I'm just picturing her laying naked in the grass with a bunch of grapes in her hand. “Fishy!” she screams, “Pay attention!” [One day at lunch she screamed at me for flirting with her so much. “You are crazy! You just want to sleep with me and then in a month you’ll be off back to America. you aren't going to stay here and marry me! So stop acting this way unless you plan on doing something about it!” and in that moment I just stared at her... like, man, could I marry this girl? I mean, fuck, do I have to marry her? “Listen Peli, can’t we just make love every night for the next few weeks? And drink and dance and talk about music and art and literature? And just enjoy that? Look at you! You are so sexy I would make love with you right now on this table. And the whole time you could be speaking to me in Italian in that cute little voice of yours.”  She snaps back, “Be quiet! You are a beast Fishy! I'm not going to teach you anymore!” But I caught her vibe. I understood what she was saying. I still couldn’t stop myself from flirting with her. I just told her, ‘look, you’re my teacher. I'm paying for you. I can’t help it. if you don't like it, then by all means, request that some other teacher takes over my private classes. Because I can’t help it.’ She never did do that. We became best friends, went out all the time, and eventually we both accepted the inevitability of our situation.] I mean, in a way she was right. She’d kill me if she knew I posted her picture. But I will be long dead by the time these diaires ever make it to market, so no big deal. I need to find a girl here fast. Because I am starting to build these little things with too many other girls here and before you know it one or more of them is going to turn into something and then we’re fucked. 

There is also this chick who works behind the counter at school and I am trying desperately hard not to do it with her. She lives next door to me. She is translating a song for me and if I get her alone for even five minutes, forget about it. So I try to not even look at her in the eyes. There is this waitress at the local café I eat at every day. She looks just like Marissa Tome. And she is always grabbing my sunglasses; that type of thing. But I don't want to start something with any of these chicks where I eat or go to school. Too close for comfort. I am not here for that. But Peli, seriously, the whole time I'm in her class, my heart is racing so fast I can’t breathe. I fucking hate how that happens. Unless it is someone you think you're going to be with or whatever. But me you know I fall in love like three times a day. Its crazy. I'll fall in love with the housekeeper if she wakes me up early enough and I'm groggy enough. Its just out of hand. And there are just so many beautiful girls everywhere. so you don't want to get started with one when you never know what is around the corner I guess is what it is. you don't want to hurt anyone. That's how the problems start. So what you do is you sneak off to the brothel late at night to take care of business anonymously till you find Mrs. Right. That way no one gets hurt and you maintain your good rep around town and no one gets hurt. That's how the smart dog does it. 

[Dear God, may my mother, my future wife, and future children never read anything I have ever written...   its just between us. O.K.? 

...and then you start thinking about politics, I mean imagine if I ever ran for a political office sometime in the future... (luckily George W and Clinton kind of cleared the path for us a bit there—between the two of them they pretty much wiped the morality slate clean for anyone who might come after them.) But still, they wouldn’t really have to dig too deep to dish up some dirt would they? Mr. Fishy, is it true that you smoked marijuana everyday for ten years? Uh yeah, didn't you? I think that anyone who is going to take political office should at least have a good solid five years invested in it. I went over a bit just to make sure...im an over-acheiver---what can I say? And sir, is it true that you slept with prostitutes, or what you call “professional women”? Oh yes, God bless them, the little angels. Is it true that you so-called “tripped” on LSD for two years straight through college? Well of course, something like that... it’s a little foggy now... I'm sure you understand. And is it true that you are an atheist and that you don't believe in God or religion? Well sort of, I mean, only when I'm not actually talking to God, of course... but that part about the religion, uh yeah, definetly... Don't you agree? Is it not also true that you were a fall down drunk for many years during what you call your ‘glory days’? Ah those were some good years. I would have to say yes to that as well. I was doing a lot of reading of the classics at the time, you know, Hemmingway and Joyce and Bukowski, so of course, how else should one be at that point? I would say that to be any other way would be an absolute sacrilege and an abomination to the sanctity of good literature. And Mr. Fishy, for the record, is it true that you are a card carrying bleeding heart liberal almost to the point of being an anarchist and that as soon as you take office that you plan on ‘taxing the hell’ as you say out of the rich in order to give all the money to the poor? Is this a fair assertion? Yes of course. A little anarchy never hurt anyone. But being poor... now that hurts... So gentlmen, if there are no further questions, lets get started.]

Must get to writing even more for me. more personal. More as if I were the only reader forever like we used to, in the early days. Well well darling... name that tune. no seriously. Write from an even more honest space. more real. Tell it like it is more. it is a constant struggle.

I don't know why I am so shy but I seriously have this shyness thing. I thought I had discreated it but I don't think I did. me and the guys always talk about it, we all have it. Shyness is usually just a fear of rejection that is stronger than your desire to talk to someone. Great. See so many girls all over the place. maybe cause I'm new here and don't know anyone and don't know how to speak or what to even say I am a little shy to just go up to a girl and start talking. Whatever.