Our last day of school for this class. Everyone was really sad. We took a lot of pictures. Funny how you spend time with strangers and then you get to know them and get to be friends and then you don't know them anymore. We have spent 4 weeks together all day sitting in class making jokes and making fun of each other as we struggled, each of us with our own special reason, to learn the INSANE language of Italian. Most of us will never see each other again. some of us will. I will stay on for a while maybe in a week or so I will go back to the school. Although I think the school is lame. And the city of Florence is hot and it is like living in Disney world. but I think it is nice place to start off because it is so modern and European compared to other places. Although I assume Rome will be all that and more. This week though I am going to the South to visit Rome with some friends I have met and then on to Napoli, and then to see the ancient city of Pompeii and then off to see the little towns where my family came from. 

For the last two days one of my teachers has been helping me call to the different communities and speak with people to look up the archived records of my family. There was a little bit more info we needed. Now I have enough. My grandmother’s family came from Itri, not atri, in the region of Lazio, just South of Rome. My grandfather’s came from Eboli in the Campania region just South of Naples. Both on the coast. So after Rome I will head to these towns on my own. Stay a few days on the Mediterranean and try to get the feel of these towns and the people. then and only then can I actually speak with the main person who is in charge of archival records of these towns and then if they like me I can search their records to trace the families back even further. They will not let you do this over the phone or via letter. Only in person. and only if they believe you, that you really are related to the people you are looking up. so the adventure will begin. 

Today I am going to try to do laundry on my own. One of the things I miss about home the absolute most is Rosanna. I should have brought her. I don't think one can overestimate the importance of a good housekeeper. If all goes well, this should be a complete disaster. There is a strange device in the kitchen that says it is a washer and dryer in one unit. How to make it work I do not know. but I have no more clothes to wear for the third or even fourth time so I have to try to figure it out. Why is it in the kitchen? I do not know. I have not been here long enough to know. I don't think anyone can know. every book I have read has said that you do not try to understand the Italians. They are a walking paradox. Mussolini said that it is impossible to lead or control or govern the Italians. They are a mystery unto themselves.  

Taking lots of B vitamins. So much stress from the constant heat and the not knowing your way around and not knowing how to communicate. Cannot find any vitamins that are in any good quantities like in the states. The Bs in the states are like 50 to 100 mgs. Here the most you can buy is 4 mgs. Ridiculous. You know the stallion never used to like the ac on, even in the summer. And I couldn’t understand it. but now I do. because she moved to the states from Italy about 8 years ago so she is very used to not having ac. I could not imagine. I was in a store today buying some guitar strings and everyone was wiping their heads with towels and stuff and all they were talking about is how hot they are and I'm looking around and I'm thinking why don't they just put in some ac for God sakes. What is it they don't get? 

It is night time. it is late. I am way up a mountain over looking the whole city. I am at a place called forte di belvedere now. a huge ancient fort that they have now turned into a cool art and cultural center. I am entirely inspired. There is cool music coming out of hidden speakers. And some very hip modern art everywhere. cool outdoor cinema. ‘I want to write about what it is like to be an artist and to still be struggling after so many years for financial success.’ ‘You cannot. Keep your cool. It will dispel the myth.’ ‘What myth? That I'm already successful? That I'm some kind of superstar. I think we’re a bit beyond that don't you?’ ‘Yes, but no. That's how it is done. You act like you are and then people think you are. Be, do, have.’ ‘yea I know all that, I have heard it a hundred times. I'm tired of it. the truth is that I am no more successful at my art than I was fifteen years ago. [financially successful I mean. Artistically I am peaking. Just totally peaking. I am nearing the top of my game. With the right backing and the right producers I could make masterpieces. I know it. I can feel it. but now it is all just me and the boys.] But maybe people want to know what it is like to be an artist who is not successful and still is an artist. Maybe there is an interest in that. the other side of it. The hindsight perspective, how the artist persists in spite of success or money or awards. How the pursuit of the art is enough, and indeed the primary motivation for the continuation of the art itself is the art.’ ‘People don't care about that. People do not want to be reminded of unsuccess, yours or theirs or anyone else’s. They already have too much of that in their lives. They want to surround themselves with magic and success and fame and fortune. If they cannot achieve it on their own, then they want to watch someone else enjoy it. The new Charlie's angels or the lives of the rich and famous and all that. People are not interested in your or anyone else’s struggle to continue to do your art in spite of life getting in the way. people see a beggar on the street asking other people for money. Very few take even an interest. Even fewer give money or assistance. They look at the beggar and they think, ‘I am glad that is not me,’ and they carry on. Do your art and don't talk about it. You understand?’ ‘Yes I understand. I mean I hear you. But maybe there is something artistic in talking about it. Did you ever think of that.’ Don't do it Fishy. I don't know if I can. but I will try. I am tired of pretending. It doesn’t matter. Just try.  

I am so inspired right now. I will rent a little studio and cut a few tracks here. I want to finish the M3II album anyway. I can do it here. just sound and noise. Maybe use sounds from the city here. the fact is that without the art I am not me. I am just some guy trying to fit in with everyone else. Without the art I am not much of anybody. Because I spend so much time doing the art there is a lot of other things I don't do that everyone else does do so I end up seeming kind of left behind a lot of the times. Like going to clubs or knowing about sports or watching TV or just keeping up in general with pop culture. So its like when that big laugh hits the table and I'm like, “what?” LOL. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little here. making myself out to be some kind of an ostracized hermit or misanthrope. Ahhh the romance. no but seriously. The fact of it is that I just get so juiced by songwriting and making music, the whole act of it, so why live without it. last night I started writing this song. In English. Why I don't know. but it’s so hip. Just really cool. And I am on this high right now from it. its like a drug. It just sits in my head and plays for hours and then days at a time, and as long as it is there and it is stimulating as I listen to some aspect of my mind work on it and play with it, then it kind of gets me off. After some time, it will fade away. and hopefully by then another song will be playing in my head. Its something I like to have around my life. Is it worth it to put this ahead of all other things in your life? To sacrifice so much and so many other things for years and years and years? hundreds of thousands of your own and other people’s dollars to create your works of art year after year? Man I don't know. I mean I have been doing it for fifteen years now. putting it above all else. So I guess yea. Its worth it in some weird and twisted way. I just really dig it. it makes me happy. well then. Just keep doing it. 

On the train I thought about friends and how lucky we are to have them. its hard to predict your friends or to understand why we are friends with one person and not another. it’s a mysterious dynamic. But it is a wonderful thing to have in your life.