When I look into the faces of all the Italian girls I see something very profound for me. I don't know what it is. My heart beats faster. I see something that resonates deeply for me, something I have held in my heart for a long time. I think I reached this wall where all of a sudden I don't want to fool around with girls anymore who are not something special. Which is crazy cause we are about to release this new album, so on the exterior I have this totally hedonistic sexual free for all image happening, but on the inside I am already beyond it. This is a weird place for me to be, to feel, because I enjoy the girls more than anything else except for music. I live eat sleep and breathe girls. But I have not enjoyed the last few brief relations I have had with girls. They have all been very nice, but it made me ache inside. As if I was cheating on my wife, even though I am not married and do not even know my wife yet, but secretly it feels as though I do know her in my heart. So now I am trying not to talk to girls in that way anymore, in a romantic way, if I know there is no chance of us moving in that direction. I just stop talking to them in that way, and I move on, and I don't spend time with them anymore. Part of me thinks this is crazy. The talk of a madman. After all, at my age I should just continue to do it with as many girls as I can right? I mean this is what my head tells me. This is especially what my dick tells me. LOL. This is what logic tells me. Am I crazy? But my heart, my intuition tells me something different. Tells me to be vigilant and look out for her now. Tells me to stop fucking around. Even if I tell myself if only for a few days or for one night. To let all that go. To be faithful to her even though I do not yet know her. O.k. I will then. I will follow my heart. I write her songs.
Sitting in the cafes at night. Thinking of her and thinking of her being pregnant. Not the actions of a playboy anymore huh? I don't know what has happened to me. I used to be able to talk myself into doing almost any girl. Now I cannot even talk myself into flirting with them if I don't think they are the one. Crazy. especially here because I feel it so much stronger than I ever have before because I feel it when I see the faces. I don't know. crazy talk. But eventually we have to give in when God talks to us, or when we hear that voice form our hearts. Which kind of sucks cause a part of me just wants to get laid a lot. As Bas says, “what are you crazy?! You don't give up tail when its right in front of your face. Tail doesn’t come around all the time. always take it.” I seriously had this plan where I was going to spend a few days making love with a different girl each in five different countries in a row. I had it all set up. I was going to write about it as if it happened like five years ago or something. I know all these girls and it just happened to work out that way where I could do it. It was going to be something magnificent. Something to tell the kids about. But I just flew straight to Italy instead. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. and now I have to try to explain to all these girls why I am not coming to see them. but I just can’t force myself to do it. I don't know, maybe those days are over for me. maybe I'm growing up. maybe I'm just an idiot. who knows.
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