Maddie and Mohdie’s baby shower. Saw so many wonderful old friends. A really wonderful time. Maddie is looking so beautiful now. like an angel. And Mohdie is growing into a very nice and noble husband type. Ornery, still a rebel, but softening up in his old age. girls and boys there. I am a very happy person now. I used to be so obsessed with finding the one, finding my wife and true love. And I still think about her all the time. I think we all kind of go in and out of this. But I realized that night when I was hanging out with all of our old friends who are now married with children that I am very happy being just who I am now. I am happy being me. its like you wake up one day and you realize that and it’s a wonderful feeling. You aren't looking for anyone anymore to make you happy or to make you feel whole. You're doing it all on your own. its nice.

Little Tree revealed to me tonight that she slept with someone last year, or this year rather. Cheated on her husband. She felt like she had to tell me. Felt like she cheated on me. I did. I let out a long loud scream. Felt violated. And cheated. And then another scream. Told her I hated her. And then I felt better. And then I could talk to her and be there for her as her friend. Strange. she's not my wife. But I guess I just held her as my surrogate wife until I met my wife. “are you a single man?” this grandmother asks me last night at the party. She was so soft and gentle. “Yes I am. But I'm looking for my wife. Have you seen her?” I ask her joking. “Well no I haven't,” she answers in all seriousness, “is she here?” “No of course not. I'm just kidding...” “but do your traveling now Fishy, while you're young and single. Its easier that way.” I had been telling her about my wanderlust. How I like to travel. I appreciated her advice. Mohdie’s grandma. Felt closer to Little Tree from her telling me that. Made her more real. And in a way, made it easier to let her go somehow.

Current Spin: still listening to justin’s justified. Love it. and also to Wayne dyers real magic tapes. I LOVE THEM!!!

Last screening: pretty baby with the 12 year old Brooke shields. A classic. Never saw it. Wow. Now I understand what all the fuss was about. Growing up I never did. Almost soft porn. Twisted film, but somehow intoxicating.