I was parked on the side of the road downtown with the top down. Smoking a cigar and typing. I want to do a series of interviews with priests and nuns and other religious leaders I have met over the years. Been collecting these various people for a long time. I was creating a list of questions for them. Things like, do you think God is a man or a woman? Or is he just beyond all that in your mind? Do you regret not having sex all your life? do you think that not having sex all your life has brought you closer to God?

I'm typing away. just totally absorbed. And then I hear this voice like right next to me. and I jump. Totally freaked out. and I look up and there's this lady, obviously a homeless lady standing next to the car. “didn't mean to scare you sir.” me a sir? that's funny. “But do you have a cigarette?” I was startled. “Oh no, I don't smoke.” I say with this cigar hanging out of my mouth. She gives me this confused look, like I'm crazy or something. “But do you need some money?” her eyes light up. she is sniffling. Eyes all bloodshot. “yeah I could use some!” she says. I reach into my pocket. Fuck all I have is a twenty left. “Here you go.” I give her the twenty. She is so happy. I don't tell Bas or Cleo or Beaver or mom or anyone that I give away so much money all the time to strangers. they would think I'm fucking crazy. I can’t even pay my bills the last couple of months. So broke these days... i could use that money to eat... but then, im not wandering the streets asking people for money. At least not yet... but that's not the point. Face it, I am crazy in that respect. Is there such a thing as irresponsible giving? If there is, then I'm one of the biggest offenders.... perhaps there's a 12 step program... but when someone is in need, and no matter you’ve ever thought or been told, anyone who’s gotten to the point where they are asking total strangers for money is in need, and so I don't know, but... maybe its an irresponsible responsibility that we all have to give to those of us who have reached that point in their lives... something like that.

She bends down over the window to hug me. and I hug her back. you give a twenty, you're getting a hug. She starts rubbing my back and kissing my neck. O.k. this is truly twisted and gross. “Hey, I don't need that.... You don't need to do that....” I back away from her quickly... total twilight zone... “You believe in God?” I ask her. “Yes I do sir.” God I wish she wouldn’t call me sir. man that's weird. Since when do I look like a sir? “Well God believes in you too. and he's looking out for you. Keep thinking positive, o.k?” “I will. thank you sooooo much....” and I go to start the car. She starts walking away from me, off to who knows where, a kind of clicking her heels kind of walking away. I gotta get the hell out of this neighborhood. I can’t just be stopping anywhere to type like this anymore. Who knows what could happen... especially not with the top down. Someone's looking out for me, that's for sure...

As I'm driving away, I'm thinking, isn't it weird how every time I encounter one of these homeless people or someone else who is suffering in some way, on the street or on a plane or where ever, that's always the first thing out of my mouth. The whole God thing? I mean me, the incurable humanist? The anti-God guy... always reminding people to talk to God and that God will take care of them... man that's weird.

Been thinking a lot about it. what's new? I guess that its just that even though you may not believe in God, or maybe you are just trying hard not to believe in God for whatever reason, doesn’t mean that God isn't an important thing to other people. you know, somehow, no matter how I try to shake it, I still think its an important thing somehow, especially for people in certain situations. You just have to embrace whatever you can to help.... something like this. why try to take God away from others? But its more than that. because it wasn't like I was just ‘not trying to take God away from her..’ it was me offering God to her. Reminding her of God. Reminding her to pray and feel his love for her... maybe its easier to feel God’s love for us than our own love for ourselves sometimes. So it’s a good thing to remind people of... Maybe that's it.

Current Spin: Franco battiato, caffe de la paix. This is just an amazing album. if I could one day be even close to the artist that he has become...

But most importantly, last night went to the opera with Columbia. Some crazy stupid boring amateur affair called Szulamit. Truly dreadful. I just typed it and my Word dictionary didn't even recognize it. shows you how lame it is. anyway hung with Columbia all night. we listened to rise and shine in the dark. I was so moved.... I hadn't listened to rise and shine in about a year or two. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I made this? this is me? God I forgot. I think I forgot to believe in myself and what I do for a while. wow. It really gave me this wonderful feeling. I told Columbia, from now on I will never forget to believe in myself. I will never again think of commonality when I make another album, but instead I will just stay true to my vision as an artist and what I want to create and how I want to feel from it. luckily we’re still in the mixing stages with nothing is cohesive, so we have time to still do that. and luckier still, we didn't make that album for any other reason than we were just feeling the desire to make it...