Spent the entire day working on the diaries and writing songs. Then rehearsed with cooper. He’s getting better. He quit smoking pot for the New Year. So his true emotions are coming out now. just coming out all over the place. like a blossoming flower, a neurotic one. It is amazing to watch people quit drinking or doing a drug they are used to. Because once they stop suppressing their feelings then all of a sudden a whole new person comes out; their heart’s true feelings and their mind’s true thoughts and fears and desires and tons of stuff. they become much bigger and brighter people.

Tonight went to see the new world symphony perform two symphonies. One by Hayden. And the last one by Shostakovich. Went with the girl from Venezuela. The Hayden was fine. Nice. but as soon as the first movement started from Shostakovich’s 8th symphony I felt like I was catapulted into some kind of a .... I don't know how to put it in words. this was by far the greatest musical experience I have ever had so far. the only other concert or performance that I can remember that even came close to approximating the emotional effect was the U2 elevation tour and a few Dead shows in the late eighties and early nineties. This piece of music---his eighth symphony—is maybe the best piece of music I have ever heard. It was so dramatic and emotional and powerful---I mean like forty fucking minutes straight of this surge of passion---that it rendered everything else in my life inconsequential during the entire performance. It was just unfuckingbeleivable. I never knew he was so good. so brilliant. My body and my heart were on edge the whole time. My mouth hanging open. I just kept saying to myself, ‘oh my God.’

When I am alone I take incessant notes no matter where I am, especially at concerts. But I couldn’t even take notes I was so moved. I just sat there immobilized in a way. didn't want to miss a second. But I perfected this method where every time I would think of something I need to take a note on I count it on one of my fingers. And then I remember how many fingers I have made a note on. Hard to explain. So my thumb would be one idea and I look at my thumb and recite the idea out loud to myself and then I get another idea and assign it to my forefinger and then look at both fingers and then recite both ideas and on and on and so when I left he concert I could look at my fingers and remember that I had made five notes in my mind, one for each finger and then I could quickly recall all five ideas without actually having to take out a pad and write throughout the whole performance. Just a note. Something to remember. You can at least capture ten different ideas on both hands without having to write anything down. Good way of remembering things when you can’t take notes.

Listening to the music moved me so much as a composer/songwriter. Made me realize how stupid I am for not dedicating even more time and money and energy to music making. My God do you hear that? I would think. it is stupendous. I mean, I should just be dedicating all my time to making music to learning more and more about music and writing and composing more and more and more. It made me realize that above all else should come the music. not that it hasn’t been that way for me because it has almost my whole life. but not enough. I need to kick it into overdrive now. do it even more. just stop worrying about or concerning myself with anything else in my world and just completely dedicate to making the absolute best possible music I can in this short life I will live. I can imagine making a piece of music as good as this one I head tonight. I can. I will. but I am not there yet. I wouldn’t even begin to know how to do it yet. I am still just writing 3 to 6 minute pop/rock songs. How the hell do you write a symphony? And even better, more important, how do you mix the two together? Great rock with great orchestral/symphonic music with great experimental/ambient music? and yeah I know a lot of cats tried it in the seventies. But that was not my thing. except Queen, who just took it somewhere amazing. 

Really good time with the new girl Columbia. She is smart. Again, communication is rather stilted between us because of the language barrier but I can tell she is very intelligent, well read, well thought out. I have enjoyed practicing Spanish with her. tonight she gave me a CD of Maria callas operatic arias. Interesting.

After having to edit the diaries of the last two years over the last few months, I was astounded, and I might add, quite tired/bored of having to read how much I dedicated to writing about love and relationships and marriage. Just something that I really needed to explore the last two years I guess. But I am bored of it. Tonight during the concert, I had this realization. In the form of a primary. Closed my eyes and just focused. Decided to create that ‘I will meet my wife at the right time for both of us. it will work out perfectly.’ And that was that. I will let the whole thing go. stop thinking about it. stop thinking about dating and love and the whole thing. I don't even know if I have it in me to get married for ‘forever.’ and truly I am tired of thinking about it. and if that's the case then one would assume that I will never meet her. So that's that. I'm not going to think or talk or write about it anymore. Over.

Same thing with war and politics. It’s a new year. so no more talk of war or government or politics either. Just the most noble bohemian values of freedom beauty truth and love. [this I gotta see. Hehe.]

Quote: "In fact," says Dr. Dyer, "I agree with Carl Jung, who said that one of the main functions of formalized religion is to protect people against a direct experience of God."

Current Spin: Maria callas most famous arias.