O.k. here's the deal. Wine red makes you sad. No I take that back. red wine makes me sad. I was jamming on this new vox ac-30 I bought. You know the one. what a beast. [for clean only] and I'm eating this whole thing of brie while I'm jamming and drinking this bottle of red wine. And now its like an hour later and I swear to God I feel like fucking killing myself. I remember feeling this way before but maybe just never noticing that it was the wine. Francis told me that white wine makes you crazy. her grandmother told her that so who the fuck knows really. But I would rather be crazy than sad. Its just this kind of heavy depression that is following me from room to room. I must try white wine tomorrow and see what happens.

Today I think I actually started to understand a little French in class. The biggest prob is that we are in Miami and not in France. So every one is speaking in Spanish the whole time. so I'm just trying to keep up with the Spanish in the class, rather than focusing on the French so seriously I walk away thinking in perfect Spanish and not in French at all. I guess that's a good thing for the old Spanish but not if I want to really learn French.

Yes so this red wine thing... I have also noticed that it makes you feel dumb. Red wine. Don't like it too much. Its not like drinking hard liquor at all. like whiskey or vodka.... where you feel wild and alive. This red wine feeling is too mellow and dumb for me. its like it numbs you out. but not in a good way. in a sad creepy way. I guess it would be good if you were using it to balance a serious coke buzz or something. [I don't remember his name but I remember that quote from the guy from goo goo dolls who said that he was finally able to quit drinking when he realized that he had to quit doing coke because the only reason he was drinking so much was because he was doing so much blow. I just thought that was hilarious.... I mean, how out of touch can you be??? ‘Man I know I can quit drinking if I could just quit doing so much coke...’ lol. Classic. Hey that's rock and roll the life.]