The cleaning lady at the studio this morning. She is vacuuming for the day. It is six am. I am still here. finishing some tracks. “do you want some chocolate?” I hand her a piece. “I have some chocolate. It’s the secret to my looking so old for my age.” She is from Albania. I have never had Albanian before. but I am too tired to think about it.
Today was a fucked day. French class was fine. Recording is good. working on so many new CD projects right now. not quite sure which will be released first. psyched but overwhelmed by how many different albums I started at once. Whatever. a lot worse things to be concerned. In general I feel like hurting myself. That kind of pain inside where no matter what you do you can’t seem to escape it. love. Just fucking crazy.
O.k. but enough of that. on the phone with the Poet tonight talking about the new CD we are about to begin. Doing one with Infinito and the guys in Miami and another one with the poet and who knows who in New York in may. And I am dying to make the music totally different. Going nuts. He breaks down the new tracks we laid down in Miami in October one by one. too normal. Too predictable. Too usual for transcendence. this sounds like another song weave already done... I know I know man. But it’s a good song. yeah but man I just feel like you have go somewhere else entirely with your songwriting. Bro I fucking know already. thats all I've been talking about. but how? That's the million dollar fucking question isn't it. stop writing on the guitar for one thing. I know. too organic. You're approach is too organic. I know Bloopy says the same thing. have to start writing on other instruments. Start only playing with a sampler or something. build songs from scratch like that instead of on normal instruments. You ever consider learning cover songs by other artists? No I don't know any. Well maybe that's a way. I know. a lot of other artists do that actually. Zeke is really into that. he knows all these cool tricks he uses in his own songs that he learns from learning other peoples songs.... but I don't know if I have the patience to learn other peoples songs... I'm seriously considering going to Iran this summer to study Persian classical music at the university there with some masters. I will learn this instrument they have called the tar. Its like a guitar but it has eight strings instead of six. Totally different notes and scales. O.k. but how will that help you write different sounding pop or rock. That's great if you want to start composing Persian pop or something... I know. but still I think it will help. Look at that song ma petite Naomi. You know that fuckin song is the number one most downloaded transcendence song on itunes? And its like three albums ago. O.k.? and what I'm saying is that song is totally different than anything I had ever written before. it’s a fuckin cha cha for gods sake. If I had never gotten into Latin music I never would have written a cha cha. You know? same thing with the song tres cool. I hate that song. its so cheesy. I know you do but I fucking love it so check me out. if I never would have gotten into hip hop I never would have attempted a song like that. wouldn’t have even known how to get into something like that. I wish you wouldn’t have actually. Whatever man. I love that song. I think it’s tres fucking cool. I knew you were going to say that. well that's my point. Maybe going to Iran will help. Italy didn't.’ I'll tell you that. I didn't really come away with any new inspiration for music there... well that's not true. I did discover a lot of new artists. Hey have you heard ivano fossatti? Is that that Italian guy you keep raving about? yeah. Hold on, go on msn and I will send it to you. its totally fucking fresh... standby.... and by the way so is cesare cremonini. He's awesome too.
the ambassador sends:
check out this song now:
the poet says:
dude, my phone crapped out.
the ambassador says:
stand by my phone died
Transfer of "03 Lampo.mp3" is complete.
Showing posts with label learning french. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning french. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
On a plane. Going to Seattle.
French class today started again. third semester for me now and I still feel like I can’t speak a fucking word. Frustrating. But I am entirely committed. I will do it. I will master this language. Will bring down this beast in me that makes it seem so difficult. If not for communicating with the French, which doesn’t seem half as important since they all seem to speak English anyway these days, I will bring it into me and make it a part of me so I can study African music in north-western Africa with the masters. This feels big and important. so everyday I go and I focus as much as I possibly can for a guy who has the attention span of a three year old. But I'm really trying. If I could just get the French people at my school to display even an ounce of passion about anything. Just anything, then I know I would get it better. But they just don't seem to posses any passion whatsoever. Not for their music or their film or their art. The total opposite of the Brazilians or the Spanish or the South Americans or the Italians. so there's nothing for me to grab onto and run with. You know how their music has that lazy matter of fact sound to it... well that's the way the people come off. That's why French bands like Tahiti 80 and phoenix who sing in English not French come off so good, because they are singing more American, more English, more passionate. throwing more of themselves into it. I swear to God these French people come off like they're all on downers all the time. so intellectual and passive. And maybe that's it. maybe its me who needs to shift viewpoints. I need to allow them to be as they are and stop trying to get them to be what I want or need them to be. anyway that's how I approached this new semester and I have to admit I did feel more into it and felt like I learned a bit more.
Current spin: Nellie, his new one, SUIT. LOVE HIM!!!
French class today started again. third semester for me now and I still feel like I can’t speak a fucking word. Frustrating. But I am entirely committed. I will do it. I will master this language. Will bring down this beast in me that makes it seem so difficult. If not for communicating with the French, which doesn’t seem half as important since they all seem to speak English anyway these days, I will bring it into me and make it a part of me so I can study African music in north-western Africa with the masters. This feels big and important. so everyday I go and I focus as much as I possibly can for a guy who has the attention span of a three year old. But I'm really trying. If I could just get the French people at my school to display even an ounce of passion about anything. Just anything, then I know I would get it better. But they just don't seem to posses any passion whatsoever. Not for their music or their film or their art. The total opposite of the Brazilians or the Spanish or the South Americans or the Italians. so there's nothing for me to grab onto and run with. You know how their music has that lazy matter of fact sound to it... well that's the way the people come off. That's why French bands like Tahiti 80 and phoenix who sing in English not French come off so good, because they are singing more American, more English, more passionate. throwing more of themselves into it. I swear to God these French people come off like they're all on downers all the time. so intellectual and passive. And maybe that's it. maybe its me who needs to shift viewpoints. I need to allow them to be as they are and stop trying to get them to be what I want or need them to be. anyway that's how I approached this new semester and I have to admit I did feel more into it and felt like I learned a bit more.
Current spin: Nellie, his new one, SUIT. LOVE HIM!!!
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Funny D-Day Story
I swear to God my French teacher is going to make me hate their country. I cannot endure another day of her shallow snobbery and complete lack of passion.
So in honor of her... Something funny from the inbox:
A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready," snipped the Frenchman. Mr. Whiting replied, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show my passport" "Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!" asserted the officer loud enough to draw attention. The American senior gave the French custom officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained: "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate your country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to.”
Current spin: the Killers, hot fuss. I like it. reminds me of the early eighties. Being a kid again...i think that's why they hit. Because it takes so many people back to that time...
So in honor of her... Something funny from the inbox:
A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready," snipped the Frenchman. Mr. Whiting replied, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show my passport" "Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!" asserted the officer loud enough to draw attention. The American senior gave the French custom officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained: "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate your country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to.”
Current spin: the Killers, hot fuss. I like it. reminds me of the early eighties. Being a kid again...i think that's why they hit. Because it takes so many people back to that time...
Monday, March 07, 2005
Good brunch this morning with friends. Took it easy the rest of the day. studied French mostly. Still cannot get it under my skin no matter how hard I try. the other day someone in the studio was speaking in Portuguese. had been a while since I had heard it. was music to my ears. It sings to me. reminded me of what that is like. To be sung to because a language resonates so deeply with your soul. Italian does that to me as well. although I speak Spanish, I cannot say it has the same effect on me. and neither does French. just can’t get it to sing to my heart. But I will learn it anyway. The question for me is is it possible to learn a language for practical reasons and not have it sing to your soul? I guess I already answered the question, with Spanish. But it is certainly easier when the language has a profound effect on you when you hear it as Italian or Portuguese does. Even with the French music. just doesn’t kill me like Brasilian or Italian music does. I'm pretty sure I've heard it all now and it just isn't knocking me over. Its nice and all, but nothing spectacular. Would love to hear something spectacular coming out them...
Last screening: million dollar baby. Wow. No wonder. This really was the movie of all movies. You know, Clint could have easily taken it. Jamie did a great job for sure but now after seeing this... Clint could have taken it and justifiably so. he was that good. this is a must see. Of course you spend most of the second half the film crying your eyes out. the whole theatre was literally sobbing and I don't mean tearing. I mean audibly sobbing. Like shock. Very good. no wonder hillary took the Oscar. It was a no brainer.
Took a long walk tonight. lots of stuff going on. Needed to sort things out. nothing like a long walk down the New York city streets at night.
Last screening: million dollar baby. Wow. No wonder. This really was the movie of all movies. You know, Clint could have easily taken it. Jamie did a great job for sure but now after seeing this... Clint could have taken it and justifiably so. he was that good. this is a must see. Of course you spend most of the second half the film crying your eyes out. the whole theatre was literally sobbing and I don't mean tearing. I mean audibly sobbing. Like shock. Very good. no wonder hillary took the Oscar. It was a no brainer.
Took a long walk tonight. lots of stuff going on. Needed to sort things out. nothing like a long walk down the New York city streets at night.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Today in French class the teacher showed a recent news piece from French television about the visit from gw bush and his meeting with French prime minister Chirac. Having not subscribed to TV for the last six months, I felt sickened from it and filled with anxiety, so I left the room. My skin was crawling and I felt as though I had to vomit. I had forgotten what it was like in the world of tv... being so insulated the last few months in my own little private world.
When I returned to the class, our teacher Ms. Peggy asks me ‘Fishy what prompted your abrupt departure? Too good for French television?’ ‘on the contrary Pegs,’ I answered, ‘I'm just not going to watch that bullshit, pardon my French,’ everyone laughs, because I answered her in English, not in French, which is a big no-no. ‘I'm looking for a good cowboy?!’ I exclaim. ‘you know what the worst part is? he's not kidding. Your French television makes light of it, thinks its funny... but he's not kidding... he's totally serious. But you guys just don't even recognize it. he's not fooling around. this guy is a cowboy and lets not forget it. and there's nothing cute or funny about cowboys... I don't know about you, maybe its just because you are new to our country Pegs, and so you don't know, but when I think of cowboys, I think of a bunch of cocky idiotic uneducated murdering fuckhead bastards killing native Americans and stealing their land and raping their women... growing up watching cowboys on TV, that's what cowboys mean to me.’
This really sexy girl in our class from the country of Jordan looks at me with her eyes wide open, ‘wow. Too bad more people don't feel like you do Fishy.’ she says in more of an English accent than a middle eastern one. ‘You are very bold to think like that.’ ‘yeah. It is too bad Ines,’ I answer her. you could see and feel my displeasure and my anger at having to watch that news piece. ‘The most dangerous terrorist on the planet today is traveling around to all of these different countries this week, and every one of these countries had an opportunity to stand up and speak their mind. All they had to do was refuse to allow him into their country and they really could have made their point that they didn't agree with his invading Iraq but instead they let him in and spent the last four days showboating and pretending for the TV cameras. And he has the nerve to say he's looking for a good cowboy. What the fuck do you think he means by that?’
When I returned to the class, our teacher Ms. Peggy asks me ‘Fishy what prompted your abrupt departure? Too good for French television?’ ‘on the contrary Pegs,’ I answered, ‘I'm just not going to watch that bullshit, pardon my French,’ everyone laughs, because I answered her in English, not in French, which is a big no-no. ‘I'm looking for a good cowboy?!’ I exclaim. ‘you know what the worst part is? he's not kidding. Your French television makes light of it, thinks its funny... but he's not kidding... he's totally serious. But you guys just don't even recognize it. he's not fooling around. this guy is a cowboy and lets not forget it. and there's nothing cute or funny about cowboys... I don't know about you, maybe its just because you are new to our country Pegs, and so you don't know, but when I think of cowboys, I think of a bunch of cocky idiotic uneducated murdering fuckhead bastards killing native Americans and stealing their land and raping their women... growing up watching cowboys on TV, that's what cowboys mean to me.’
This really sexy girl in our class from the country of Jordan looks at me with her eyes wide open, ‘wow. Too bad more people don't feel like you do Fishy.’ she says in more of an English accent than a middle eastern one. ‘You are very bold to think like that.’ ‘yeah. It is too bad Ines,’ I answer her. you could see and feel my displeasure and my anger at having to watch that news piece. ‘The most dangerous terrorist on the planet today is traveling around to all of these different countries this week, and every one of these countries had an opportunity to stand up and speak their mind. All they had to do was refuse to allow him into their country and they really could have made their point that they didn't agree with his invading Iraq but instead they let him in and spent the last four days showboating and pretending for the TV cameras. And he has the nerve to say he's looking for a good cowboy. What the fuck do you think he means by that?’
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Depressed today. from no money. can’t shake it. being broke can very much can affect how you feel. working very hard. Looking for an opening somewhere... some point one of these many projects is going to pay off. And then bam, like a rocket to the moon. I've been here before and I've been to the top a few times. so I know this state very well. know not to take it too seriously. but man, I hate running out of clean underwear. That's not the worst. The worst is not being able to buy food for a few days. living on protein shakes and soup and coffee for three days. and also, having to walk forty blocks in the middle of the night with your fucking 20 pound briefcase over your shoulder because you don't have any subway or cab money. that's the worst. But not having underwear for a week... that's not easy...
But French is going well. still a bitch. But getting there. I just struggle through it everyday and try to enjoy it, my mind struggles hard to keep up.... keeping my eye on the prize, that one day it will all seem easy and no problem and the language will flow out of my mouth like any other.... if only they didn't speak with their mouths closed the whole fucking time. they have like three fucking vowel sounds in their whole language so its impossible to understand what the hell they are ever saying...
I'll tell you, I think its something that you're just born with, but I get so much out of learning new languages. Its just a huge passion of mine. Imagine being at the point where you have studied and are semi-fluent in all four major Latin languages (forget Romanian – not practical so that one’s out – although the Romanian women are fucking unbelievably beautiful.) I've got three of them down now good enough to get by, and then moving on to Hebrew (have to; one of the most important people on the planet for some reason, God’s chosen people if you will, so I feel a strong calling to that one next), and then eventually sliding into an Asian language. For fun and also because they're becoming so prominent in the world now and in America as well. Either Chinese or Japanese I figure after Hebrew. (Probably Chinese since it looks as though they will soon own America since they already own more American treasury bonds than any other country in the world.) So by the time you're say forty years old you're just like this cosmopolitan motherfucking international man of mystery like no other and can communicate with peeps from all over the world. That's where I'm headed if I keep at it. I joke that if I never make it at anything else I can always become an interpreter. Or if a world war ever breaks out at least I know I'll get an office job and not be on the battlefield. Me on the battlefield, now that's a funny thought...
“Shoot him.”
“I'm not going to shoot him. you shoot him.”
“Fishy shoot him. he's headed right towards you.”
“So what? I'm not taking that karma on my soul man. You fucking shoot him.”
“Fishy shoot goddamn it!”
“Listen man, I'm not afraid of my next life. I'm looking forward to it. let him shoot me and I'll cruise up into the cosmos for a while and check shit out from up there. you shoot him if you want to. I'm getting the fuck out of here...”
One observation on languages: once you learn a language you do not forget it. its there. lodged in the old noggin I notice. What you do lose first is your ability to speak it effectively, but if you read it or listen to music in that language you notice that you can still understand it. You know what's being said. So the comprehension is still there. Just not the ability to speak it as smoothly. One would just need to re-immerse into it and practice the speaking of it to get the vocab back on the tongue. This is a good thing.
And have I mentioned yet today that the iPod is the greatest thing in the world and has totally revolutionized my life? well I'll say it again. I will never mind walking or exercising or taking the subway again. the ipod makes life a fucking living breathing exciting movie. With your own unique soundtrack.
One thing I do notice lately is that I get the idea for something and then it appears, faster than ever before. its like instant manifestation lately... like with the new company playersearch.com, I got the idea that I wanted to pursue that again and then the same day an investor called. Wanted some songs from the new CD remixed in a cool dance style and met this guy last night who was totally into the idea and begging to send him tracks. Thought about how cool it would be to have a new article that kind of summed everything up about me, rather than just about me as the singer in transcendence, you know, like I was picturing this sort of in depth article summing me all up... just not me as the singer in the band, but about everything that I am and everything that I do, a more holistic overview of who I am at this stage... man you know so I could chill for a while, take it easy... but still have that out there doing its thing... not sure how to explain it, but a kind of up to the minute summarization of where I am at this point... and I swear to God, this was just a thought, just a flash in the mind... and then the next day I get this call from the nyu student writing a paper about me. so that's magic at play in the universe. So now I can chill so to speak, breathe out. Lean back and let it go. good things. instant manifestation. Very good things.
But French is going well. still a bitch. But getting there. I just struggle through it everyday and try to enjoy it, my mind struggles hard to keep up.... keeping my eye on the prize, that one day it will all seem easy and no problem and the language will flow out of my mouth like any other.... if only they didn't speak with their mouths closed the whole fucking time. they have like three fucking vowel sounds in their whole language so its impossible to understand what the hell they are ever saying...
I'll tell you, I think its something that you're just born with, but I get so much out of learning new languages. Its just a huge passion of mine. Imagine being at the point where you have studied and are semi-fluent in all four major Latin languages (forget Romanian – not practical so that one’s out – although the Romanian women are fucking unbelievably beautiful.) I've got three of them down now good enough to get by, and then moving on to Hebrew (have to; one of the most important people on the planet for some reason, God’s chosen people if you will, so I feel a strong calling to that one next), and then eventually sliding into an Asian language. For fun and also because they're becoming so prominent in the world now and in America as well. Either Chinese or Japanese I figure after Hebrew. (Probably Chinese since it looks as though they will soon own America since they already own more American treasury bonds than any other country in the world.) So by the time you're say forty years old you're just like this cosmopolitan motherfucking international man of mystery like no other and can communicate with peeps from all over the world. That's where I'm headed if I keep at it. I joke that if I never make it at anything else I can always become an interpreter. Or if a world war ever breaks out at least I know I'll get an office job and not be on the battlefield. Me on the battlefield, now that's a funny thought...
“Shoot him.”
“I'm not going to shoot him. you shoot him.”
“Fishy shoot him. he's headed right towards you.”
“So what? I'm not taking that karma on my soul man. You fucking shoot him.”
“Fishy shoot goddamn it!”
“Listen man, I'm not afraid of my next life. I'm looking forward to it. let him shoot me and I'll cruise up into the cosmos for a while and check shit out from up there. you shoot him if you want to. I'm getting the fuck out of here...”
One observation on languages: once you learn a language you do not forget it. its there. lodged in the old noggin I notice. What you do lose first is your ability to speak it effectively, but if you read it or listen to music in that language you notice that you can still understand it. You know what's being said. So the comprehension is still there. Just not the ability to speak it as smoothly. One would just need to re-immerse into it and practice the speaking of it to get the vocab back on the tongue. This is a good thing.
And have I mentioned yet today that the iPod is the greatest thing in the world and has totally revolutionized my life? well I'll say it again. I will never mind walking or exercising or taking the subway again. the ipod makes life a fucking living breathing exciting movie. With your own unique soundtrack.
One thing I do notice lately is that I get the idea for something and then it appears, faster than ever before. its like instant manifestation lately... like with the new company playersearch.com, I got the idea that I wanted to pursue that again and then the same day an investor called. Wanted some songs from the new CD remixed in a cool dance style and met this guy last night who was totally into the idea and begging to send him tracks. Thought about how cool it would be to have a new article that kind of summed everything up about me, rather than just about me as the singer in transcendence, you know, like I was picturing this sort of in depth article summing me all up... just not me as the singer in the band, but about everything that I am and everything that I do, a more holistic overview of who I am at this stage... man you know so I could chill for a while, take it easy... but still have that out there doing its thing... not sure how to explain it, but a kind of up to the minute summarization of where I am at this point... and I swear to God, this was just a thought, just a flash in the mind... and then the next day I get this call from the nyu student writing a paper about me. so that's magic at play in the universe. So now I can chill so to speak, breathe out. Lean back and let it go. good things. instant manifestation. Very good things.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
It is fucking freezing in New York right now. inside my apartment is freezing. Outside it is even colder. I cannot sleep because I am too cold...
CURRENT CONDITIONS
New York, NY
Updated 10:12 AM EST
Sunny
Temp: 12°F (-11 C)
I continue to work ten projects at a time... pounding... just fucking slamming... one project will pay off. Everything I touch turns to gold. And then bam!
A few weeks into French class here in the city. the teacher is very good. really cares about each person learning the language. I have noticed that I have started to hear this voice in my head singing the language like a song this week. For the first time since I started really studying the language, which began in earnest last march at that retched fucking school in Miami, I’ve noticed that I am now starting to subconsciously translate things I hear in English on the street throughout my day into French; just for fun. this is what we do when we are children, when we are learning our own native language (our own native language.... that's redundant isn't it?). And now my subconscious mind is doing it in French. this a good thing. I commented the other day in class that French is the Mt. Everest of languages. There is nothing logical or practical or that makes sense about this language phonetically. These people were just fucking crazy when they developed this language amongst themselves. Just off in left field all on their own... But I will master it. I can see that now. I am getting it.
It is so beautiful. if you could just hear what this number sounds like in French: “six-cent-soixante-seis.” 676. just fucking beautiful and its just a number. Its pure poetry.
CURRENT CONDITIONS
New York, NY
Updated 10:12 AM EST
Sunny
Temp: 12°F (-11 C)
I continue to work ten projects at a time... pounding... just fucking slamming... one project will pay off. Everything I touch turns to gold. And then bam!
A few weeks into French class here in the city. the teacher is very good. really cares about each person learning the language. I have noticed that I have started to hear this voice in my head singing the language like a song this week. For the first time since I started really studying the language, which began in earnest last march at that retched fucking school in Miami, I’ve noticed that I am now starting to subconsciously translate things I hear in English on the street throughout my day into French; just for fun. this is what we do when we are children, when we are learning our own native language (our own native language.... that's redundant isn't it?). And now my subconscious mind is doing it in French. this a good thing. I commented the other day in class that French is the Mt. Everest of languages. There is nothing logical or practical or that makes sense about this language phonetically. These people were just fucking crazy when they developed this language amongst themselves. Just off in left field all on their own... But I will master it. I can see that now. I am getting it.
It is so beautiful. if you could just hear what this number sounds like in French: “six-cent-soixante-seis.” 676. just fucking beautiful and its just a number. Its pure poetry.
Monday, January 17, 2005
We know the universe created itself/appeared between 15 to 17 billion years ago. Can we even imagine that? what does that mean?
Humankind (as we are known now) appeared roughly 600,000 years ago. So we are obviously a very recent entry in the universe in the grand scheme of things. so where the hell were ‘we’ for all these billions of years? Was God all by himself for all of this time? I wonder.
The feeling that one gets is that we, as humans, need to re-structure the new data... the old paradigms just don't work anymore. We need to get real... need to redefine and recreate our entire understanding of cosmology and divinity...
Can we one day come to appreciate and honor ourselves and our place in the universe without the God-concept? I wonder. I would hope so. unless the old boy shows up one day, then by all means, we’ll give him or her a grand welcome and restructure our cosmology once more.
I'm not against God coming out of hiding and showing us what its all about... but I'm not into all this God-creating that we've been doing the last few thousand years. I believe that at this point we should take all the holy books and sacred texts that humankind has ever written, the Koran and the bible and the Bhagavad-Gita and all the rest of them.... (all except the Tao te ching, since it doesn’t purport to be a holy book and doesn’t speak of any gods or goddesses...more just philosophy...) just take every piece of religious doctrine or dogma every penned by man on paper and throw it all onto a big wooden raft on the beach, have a big ceremony, light it on fire and push it out into the ocean and watch it burn... if God is out there, he’ll come. If not, it’ll still be alright. We’re going to be o.k. either way. I can promise you that.
In French class today I could feel my brain stretching and breathing in and out. Learning is important. it excites and inspires in other areas of our lives in a way that we cannot qualify. I have found that it is very important, learning new things. bending and stretching the brain. It affects all aspects of our lives.
Humankind (as we are known now) appeared roughly 600,000 years ago. So we are obviously a very recent entry in the universe in the grand scheme of things. so where the hell were ‘we’ for all these billions of years? Was God all by himself for all of this time? I wonder.
The feeling that one gets is that we, as humans, need to re-structure the new data... the old paradigms just don't work anymore. We need to get real... need to redefine and recreate our entire understanding of cosmology and divinity...
Can we one day come to appreciate and honor ourselves and our place in the universe without the God-concept? I wonder. I would hope so. unless the old boy shows up one day, then by all means, we’ll give him or her a grand welcome and restructure our cosmology once more.
I'm not against God coming out of hiding and showing us what its all about... but I'm not into all this God-creating that we've been doing the last few thousand years. I believe that at this point we should take all the holy books and sacred texts that humankind has ever written, the Koran and the bible and the Bhagavad-Gita and all the rest of them.... (all except the Tao te ching, since it doesn’t purport to be a holy book and doesn’t speak of any gods or goddesses...more just philosophy...) just take every piece of religious doctrine or dogma every penned by man on paper and throw it all onto a big wooden raft on the beach, have a big ceremony, light it on fire and push it out into the ocean and watch it burn... if God is out there, he’ll come. If not, it’ll still be alright. We’re going to be o.k. either way. I can promise you that.
In French class today I could feel my brain stretching and breathing in and out. Learning is important. it excites and inspires in other areas of our lives in a way that we cannot qualify. I have found that it is very important, learning new things. bending and stretching the brain. It affects all aspects of our lives.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
I'm in French class the other day and their language is seriously fucked up. just in dire need of modernizing and logicalizing. I mean, so is our beloved English language. Allow me for a moment here in case we need a reminder: “rough, bluff, dough, tow, go, toe, plough, wow.” This is my own little invention to remind me of how fucking insane English is. nothing phonetic about it. at some point if you are learning English its just going to come down to learning and memorization.
Anyway, I had this vision in class that soon, at some point, eventually there is going to be a massive cultural revolution human-wide, this won't be all of humanity of course. places like third world countries will not be included in the same kinds of revolutions and changes that first world countries will be, but their own shifts.... But the majority of modern civilization will go through this kind of cultural revolution. Already seeing it with the EU and the Euro. We will see human society becoming more politically correct, more secular, more gender-neutral, more inter-racial, more same-sex, more protective of human rights.
Languages will start to change. Become more logical and more phonetic. Finance will become more streamlined.
Think of the word doughnut. That word has all but disappeared, having been replaced by the more logical and phonetic ‘donut.’ This will continue to happen little by little.
Think of things such as the following: the increase in same sex and inter-racial marriages we have seen in the last thirty years. the change from stewardess to flight attendant, the change from mankind to humankind, the change from actress to actor for both sexes. etc.... this is only the beginning of what we will see in coming decades. At one point we will see one giant shift towards the doing away of a lot of the old world traditions that don't make much sense in our languages and in our cultures through specific mandates and large projects. America should certainly shift towards the more logical metric system. that's for sure. What the fuck are we doing still on this weird system we use now that makes no actual sense? I don't know but it won't last forever. and hopefully France will start modernizing its language a bit so the rest of the world can understand what the hell they are saying.
This is a new book, Welcome to the personal expression age.
Anyway, I had this vision in class that soon, at some point, eventually there is going to be a massive cultural revolution human-wide, this won't be all of humanity of course. places like third world countries will not be included in the same kinds of revolutions and changes that first world countries will be, but their own shifts.... But the majority of modern civilization will go through this kind of cultural revolution. Already seeing it with the EU and the Euro. We will see human society becoming more politically correct, more secular, more gender-neutral, more inter-racial, more same-sex, more protective of human rights.
Languages will start to change. Become more logical and more phonetic. Finance will become more streamlined.
Think of the word doughnut. That word has all but disappeared, having been replaced by the more logical and phonetic ‘donut.’ This will continue to happen little by little.
Think of things such as the following: the increase in same sex and inter-racial marriages we have seen in the last thirty years. the change from stewardess to flight attendant, the change from mankind to humankind, the change from actress to actor for both sexes. etc.... this is only the beginning of what we will see in coming decades. At one point we will see one giant shift towards the doing away of a lot of the old world traditions that don't make much sense in our languages and in our cultures through specific mandates and large projects. America should certainly shift towards the more logical metric system. that's for sure. What the fuck are we doing still on this weird system we use now that makes no actual sense? I don't know but it won't last forever. and hopefully France will start modernizing its language a bit so the rest of the world can understand what the hell they are saying.
This is a new book, Welcome to the personal expression age.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I was on the roof. My secret haunting ground lately since the move. My mind is constantly feeling as though it is going crazy. I cannot recall with much accuracy how many times I have thought about jumping off the roof of a tall building or shooting myself in the head in the last three weeks. This is what happens when nothing is going on...’ I think to myself. ‘this is what happens when it feels like there is no solid ground beneath your feet. [the king screams at me over the phone from la, ‘dude you sold a house that you love, you sold a car that you loved even more, all so you could move to a city you love... so what the fuck are you doing living in a tiny one room apartment in a city that you hate with everything you own in storage?! I would have blown my brains out a month ago if I were you living like that. Pack your fucking bags, book a ticket, and get to New York! Live at a hotel if you have to until you find an apartment, but carry this thing through to the finish line man!’]
I think about eating. But as always, I'm not hungry. I have lost ten pounds in the last month. Funny. I know people who would do anything to lose ten pounds. But I just can’t eat when I get stressed out like this. my stomach always feels like it is in knots. Not upset. Just full all the time. can’t complain about it. it’s a good look. I feel like I haven't slept in months. Maybe years now. circles under my eyes. again, a good look. Can’t complain. The vampire look is always in fashion. But I pause to think about how fast I am aging like this. stress, anxiety, panic, pain, general unhappiness cannot be good for you. I look like I've aged ten years in the last six months. I think about heading off to morocco for a while. why I'm not sure. It keeps coming up for me all the time. Maybe that trip to Paris for six months after all. i remember that French is the last of the romance languages left for me. [although recently a chick from Romania told me that Romanian is also considered a romance language. I'm still not going to learn it though.] Gotta learn French; seems impossible. So fucking UNphonetic! But why not do it now. I taste the idea for a few seconds. Great; I'm just going to sit in some strange school again for six months and travel about another city aimlessly as if I've got no life and nothing to come home to. Nah. I may not have a home now it is true, but I have a life.
Mom says your home is you and wherever you are. Mom is right. I thought about calling Beav just to shoot the shit, maybe mom, or Madelyn, or the Little Tree, or the King. But instead I opened up my laptop and started viewing those movies of Giovanna that I took in Rome last summer. I hadn't heard from Giovanna in about six months now. we were supposed to get together this august for a week or two. Thought I'd watch her in the videos for a while. but that just made me remember why I hadn't called. Smart, sweet, sexy. Great body. But not the one. for some reason I can’t go there anymore. Not even in the moment. you'd think I could at least fake it. Being faithful to the love of your life is hard enough when you are together. but when you haven't met yet, its even harder. But somehow it isn't even a choice now. I think to myself sometimes, ‘I wonder what she's doing? Is she getting some?’ But somehow I have found it rather difficult to even fake it in the moment, even to get some. Bas says I should shut the fuck up. that I've gotten more than any man should be allowed in one lifetime. Yes my friend you are probably right. but my mind flashes to an image of me in a hotel room with a whip, some chocolate, a case of Champaign, a video camera, and ten naked Swedish eighteen year olds... so if I'm so ready to meet the ONE, what the hell is all of that? I wonder if thoughts like that ever go away for us men? Maybe we’re just stuck with them forever.
I think about eating. But as always, I'm not hungry. I have lost ten pounds in the last month. Funny. I know people who would do anything to lose ten pounds. But I just can’t eat when I get stressed out like this. my stomach always feels like it is in knots. Not upset. Just full all the time. can’t complain about it. it’s a good look. I feel like I haven't slept in months. Maybe years now. circles under my eyes. again, a good look. Can’t complain. The vampire look is always in fashion. But I pause to think about how fast I am aging like this. stress, anxiety, panic, pain, general unhappiness cannot be good for you. I look like I've aged ten years in the last six months. I think about heading off to morocco for a while. why I'm not sure. It keeps coming up for me all the time. Maybe that trip to Paris for six months after all. i remember that French is the last of the romance languages left for me. [although recently a chick from Romania told me that Romanian is also considered a romance language. I'm still not going to learn it though.] Gotta learn French; seems impossible. So fucking UNphonetic! But why not do it now. I taste the idea for a few seconds. Great; I'm just going to sit in some strange school again for six months and travel about another city aimlessly as if I've got no life and nothing to come home to. Nah. I may not have a home now it is true, but I have a life.
Mom says your home is you and wherever you are. Mom is right. I thought about calling Beav just to shoot the shit, maybe mom, or Madelyn, or the Little Tree, or the King. But instead I opened up my laptop and started viewing those movies of Giovanna that I took in Rome last summer. I hadn't heard from Giovanna in about six months now. we were supposed to get together this august for a week or two. Thought I'd watch her in the videos for a while. but that just made me remember why I hadn't called. Smart, sweet, sexy. Great body. But not the one. for some reason I can’t go there anymore. Not even in the moment. you'd think I could at least fake it. Being faithful to the love of your life is hard enough when you are together. but when you haven't met yet, its even harder. But somehow it isn't even a choice now. I think to myself sometimes, ‘I wonder what she's doing? Is she getting some?’ But somehow I have found it rather difficult to even fake it in the moment, even to get some. Bas says I should shut the fuck up. that I've gotten more than any man should be allowed in one lifetime. Yes my friend you are probably right. but my mind flashes to an image of me in a hotel room with a whip, some chocolate, a case of Champaign, a video camera, and ten naked Swedish eighteen year olds... so if I'm so ready to meet the ONE, what the hell is all of that? I wonder if thoughts like that ever go away for us men? Maybe we’re just stuck with them forever.
Friday, March 19, 2004
O.k. here's the deal. Wine red makes you sad. No I take that back. red wine makes me sad. I was jamming on this new vox ac-30 I bought. You know the one. what a beast. [for clean only] and I'm eating this whole thing of brie while I'm jamming and drinking this bottle of red wine. And now its like an hour later and I swear to God I feel like fucking killing myself. I remember feeling this way before but maybe just never noticing that it was the wine. Francis told me that white wine makes you crazy. her grandmother told her that so who the fuck knows really. But I would rather be crazy than sad. Its just this kind of heavy depression that is following me from room to room. I must try white wine tomorrow and see what happens.
Today I think I actually started to understand a little French in class. The biggest prob is that we are in Miami and not in France. So every one is speaking in Spanish the whole time. so I'm just trying to keep up with the Spanish in the class, rather than focusing on the French so seriously I walk away thinking in perfect Spanish and not in French at all. I guess that's a good thing for the old Spanish but not if I want to really learn French.
Yes so this red wine thing... I have also noticed that it makes you feel dumb. Red wine. Don't like it too much. Its not like drinking hard liquor at all. like whiskey or vodka.... where you feel wild and alive. This red wine feeling is too mellow and dumb for me. its like it numbs you out. but not in a good way. in a sad creepy way. I guess it would be good if you were using it to balance a serious coke buzz or something. [I don't remember his name but I remember that quote from the guy from goo goo dolls who said that he was finally able to quit drinking when he realized that he had to quit doing coke because the only reason he was drinking so much was because he was doing so much blow. I just thought that was hilarious.... I mean, how out of touch can you be??? ‘Man I know I can quit drinking if I could just quit doing so much coke...’ lol. Classic. Hey that's rock and roll the life.]
Today I think I actually started to understand a little French in class. The biggest prob is that we are in Miami and not in France. So every one is speaking in Spanish the whole time. so I'm just trying to keep up with the Spanish in the class, rather than focusing on the French so seriously I walk away thinking in perfect Spanish and not in French at all. I guess that's a good thing for the old Spanish but not if I want to really learn French.
Yes so this red wine thing... I have also noticed that it makes you feel dumb. Red wine. Don't like it too much. Its not like drinking hard liquor at all. like whiskey or vodka.... where you feel wild and alive. This red wine feeling is too mellow and dumb for me. its like it numbs you out. but not in a good way. in a sad creepy way. I guess it would be good if you were using it to balance a serious coke buzz or something. [I don't remember his name but I remember that quote from the guy from goo goo dolls who said that he was finally able to quit drinking when he realized that he had to quit doing coke because the only reason he was drinking so much was because he was doing so much blow. I just thought that was hilarious.... I mean, how out of touch can you be??? ‘Man I know I can quit drinking if I could just quit doing so much coke...’ lol. Classic. Hey that's rock and roll the life.]
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