Happy birthday to Infinito! Big 30 for him today. Most guys are lame. They never remember things like other peoples birthdays. And if they do, then they don't know what to do about it. guys just aren't good about birthdays for the most part. They can’t help it. I tell the lady on the phone at my bank. ’hey listen I have man disease. I'm sorry for bouncing so much checks. I could have a million dollars in there and somehow I still manage to bounce half those checks. Don't ask me how. Just help me.’ she actually did help me.

Anyway, happy birthday Infinito. Its been a long time brother. Glad to know you.

I have noticed that ever since everything went down with the Ferret, I have felt this subconscious reluctance to get close to new people I am starting to make friends with... have made so many new friends, but notice within myself this subtle fear of going in all the way. have to explore what beliefs are and let them go.

Being in line at the immigration office to check on visa status for Europe. You know there's this fear when you are in line... that you are going to lose your place. you notice that. you're afraid to go get a drink of water because what if you lose your place in line. most of the time its cool. you can tell the person behind you to save your place. that you'll be back. but this time I was waiting in a long line. I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be great if I could just say to the people behind me, ‘listen, I'm going to go goof off for a while. make some calls, maybe go hang out outside. Do me a favor and hold my place in line and I'll be back once this line clears.’ But I didn't dare. You know how people are about lines. They are so possessive about their place in line. most have this attitude about lines that if you leave your place in line that you lose it. which is silly because after all that's still your place in line, whether you are there physically or not. Only an idiot would stand there if he didn't have to. everyone can see that its your place. but the problem is that we are still dealing with idiots for the most part. So you don't dare take the risk of assuming someone is enlightened enough to just let your place be your place whether you are actually standing in line or not. But one day I see us even transcending lines too. One day we are going to get there. everyone can get in their place in line and after a minute or two just go do whatever and when its their turn they can come back and step up to the counter or checkout or what have you and not worry about losing their place. kind of like those little pagers they give us at restaurants. Great idea. A virtual line. ‘excuse me miss?’ ‘yes?’ Can you do me a favor and call my cell when you get up to the counter so I can run back and get back in line behind you?’ ‘Oh well certainly.’ ‘Thanks.’ One day.