In the studio today with the poet. first session for the two new albums. Recorded four songs for the Girls album, Summer says, Verena, Kathy, Indian Princess. And one song for the Cinematique album, which has no name yet; maybe After tomorrow. the rest of the songs we’ll do with Infinito. Me and Bloopy talking tonight on the phone. Transcendence is turning into something very cool. the whole way we have all these different players, like this core group of players that make it what it is. I would love to tour with like all eight guys at once. That would be awesome for all of us and for the fans.

The Girls album is something that so far only I seem to like the idea of. Bas says I am going to slammed for. He's like, ‘you can do it man. Just don't do it. it’s a bad idea. A whole album about girls? With girls names? Horrible! It will be the end of your career.’ ‘Bro, I don't have much of a career yet. I can pretty much do whatever I want to at this point. Hehe.’ In the short term it may at first come off kind of pretentious or contrived, but the idea actually came from a talk with Bloopy about putting out a girls compilation CD of all the songs from our various CDs that have girls names. Which is a still a good idea, but then I started leafing through all the song notebooks and realizing that there were still tons of songs I had already written with girls names that hadn't been recorded yet. and that would make a cool album all on its own. more than an albums worth actually. So its not contrived at all, but just conceptual. Its not like we’re sitting around writing a bunch of songs about girls. These are just the orphan songs that never made it to albums. So its cool. and the cool thing, although I'll probably be the only one who thinks this is cool, is that all the songs are from different periods of my life so each song is a totally different style. I'll love it. But I may be the only one. anyway, as much as the other guys don't like it, I am hoping I can get them to humor me long enough to get it recorded. Just a bunch of one off songs. Just honoring what's there. I love songs and I love songwriting. It is the ultimate indulgence.

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It’s this nagging loneliness that is always looming there in the back of your mind.... its like a feeling of emptiness, or not-wholeness... I wonder if it is real—is it instinctivelyinstinctually there? Or is it trained? Just something that is ingrained in us since we were young. Either way, I feel it. Everyone seems to.

I think one of the hardest things is to just live for ourselves and for no one else. sometimes I feel this subconscious thing going on inside me that feels as though I am living for other people more than just for myself, like for my future wife and kids, as weird as that sounds, or for my family, or for my friends... strange. I think its worthwhile challenge just to try to live for ourselves alone. To be entirely self aware, self dependent, self referred, self inspired. Jazz says to me last night as she stares at herself posing in the mirror for hours at a time, “the hardest thing is seeing how goddamn cute I am, and I still am alone and don't have anyone to love me.” I looked up from my guitar, “Well if you were the only person in the world who had this problem then I would be worried if I were you. But you know there’re millions of people all over that have that same concern. You just have to flow with it. everyone’s looking for that special someone. One day the right guy will come along....”

The stallion is heart broken. She tells me the other day that this boyfriend of hers left her and is seeing someone else now and that she still intends on getting him back. and I thought about that afterwards. Who would want someone back after they did that to you? But that's love for ya. Totally illogical and imprudent and hard to understand. Hopefully she’ll get over it and move on and allow something even better to come in.

For me I find that same thing inside myself. That longing... but I also have this strange wisdom that makes its way into my mind every now and then and it tells me to remember how I felt when I was with Cleopatra. I had this trapped feeling, like I was too young to be tied down forever and ever, that there were still a lot of things that I hadn't experienced yet. so I was pretty worried about that. just kept trying to put it out of my mind. Its not that I'm not looking for the one, because I am. But at the same time, I have a lot of appreciation for being single now too. its an opportunity to do all those crazy things we’ll surely want to do as soon as we hook up with the someone for good. I've never done a midget or a gymnastics team or a housekeeper, so I definitely want to do that NOW and not once I'm married, Hehe. Our new housekeeper is so hot. She's an actress on this really famous television show that comes on every Saturday night all over South America, but during the week she still does housekeeping. Go figure. Only in Miami. anyway, you get the picture. She's hot, and I should do her. I would love if one day while she was ironing I just came up from behind her and started doing her while she ironed. That would be awesome. You can’t really do that if you're married. So...

So yeah, living for yourself. Dealing with the loneliness. No, overcoming the loneliness. Transcending it. Appreciating the time alone to do whatever you want to. These are good things. our life is meant to be the way it is. its our life. we can resist it. surely. Or we can just embrace it full force and really bask in it so to speak and enjoy it. take it for what it is now and revel in it and make the most of it.

Current Spin: Rufus wainright, want. Again. I like it. Don’t love it yet, but there are many good songs on it. I want him to change styles now. I am a style changing freak myself, hence the name ‘Nothing is cohesive’ and I expect the same from my idols as well. this new one has a real mamas and papas sound to it. one of my earliest favorite bands. No one seems to know about them or talk about them. but they were everything to me. that sound that they created was a huge influence on me. people always think they have me down. Its so funny. Every critic mentions Bowie or Bono or Lou reed, but most of my influences are so uncommon people just don't even acknowledge them. marc bolan, and Iggy of course, all those forties and fifties crooners were huge for me, Judy garland and frank and dean; and all the Broadway and Hollywood musicals; Louis Armstrong; Kate bush, and Donovan. People don't talk much about that stuff and its influence on contemporary rock or pop music. [when auditioning for guitarists I was amazed how many players who you talk to who tell you their influences are ‘limp bizcit, nirvana, and 311.’ And I'm like ‘uh... o.k... yeah I don't think it would really work out then. I mean you know that what they're going to bring in is going to be so transparent and obvious. That's what I love about Bloopy and Vancouver and Infinito. Their influences are so wide and varied and eclectic.]

Also checked out the rolling stones, black and blue from 1976. I had this sitting around unopened for I don't know how long. but broke it out today. I love seventies stones. One of my favorite sounds of all time. [rolling stones from 71 to 79 = fucking magnificent! It IS the embodiment of cool, soul, and funky. They DID IT. just totally did it.] Has a few good songs this CD. a real one-off, like most of their albums from that time. But still groovy. Good to recognize that, although perhaps times have changed, with our current obsession with ‘getting a hit’ and commercial success for every CD released for fear of being dropped from our labels and never being heard from again, but I don't think so; this whole new garage rock thing that sprang up in various parts of the world all seemingly unrelated but relatively at the same time—the vines, hives, white stripes, jet, strokes, etc. its great. I think we can still pull that whole stones thing off if we want to. get more in the flow of the artistry of the moment of creation and less focused on making each work perfect. I know rise and shine took three years, sleep took over a year, and NIC took no more than six months and it could be the best thing we've ever done. But yeah that's what driving around listening to black and blue did for me. reminded me to just let it rip as fast as possible and get those albums made. stay in the flow, get into the eye of the Tiger as an artist so to speak, and just keep putting them out there. even if it ends up sounding a bit disjointed and one-off. Better than waiting for the right time and the right players and the right studio and all that as a lot of artists do. they wait so long to put stuff out. always waiting for the right moment. I think that's what you're supposed to do when you are an older artist. For now, best to just stay in the flow and pull off as many as you can in each moment. Stop waiting and perfecting and just ride the beast.

There was this rather erotic experience recently, which for several reasons I won't mention (that's Rufus’ line if you know it). I can still smell her on me. I'm talking just totally crazy erotic experience. After we both climaxed I was left with such a feeling of tingles and joy. not in like a love way or anything, because this was totally not a love thing, not in the traditional sense that is, but just a friends with benefits thing. I call her my art time lover, and she laughs. for she inspires me immensely. It reminded me of how important sex is. Your whole body feels good and your mind feels opened and free and magical. Important. Great for work. You can feed off of it for your work. Sex just makes you feel great. Invincible. I jump up and grab the guitar, whirling around the room. I sit back down next to her. I am immersed in it. in this warm fuzzy cozy impassioned feeling. Endorphins still firing. I sing a few verses of one song. Make up a few to another. My voice glides freely up and down and in and out. it is smooth and velvet and pure passion. yes... this is the feeling of invincibility.

[reminded me to research our prison systems. I was thinking about that. are people in prison allowed to have sex with the opposite sex? if not then that's bullshit. no wonder they come out more fucked up than they were. I mean how long can a person go without having sex before they really start to feel psychotic and messed up inside. All of us, we all need that touch and that release and that feeling of love and passion that comes from that. the tender touch of another... without it we feel all shriveled up. everyone knows this. why deny this most basic need to anyone, no matter what the crime. I think that's why priests and nuns are so fucked up. those poor bastards, sacrificing their entire lives, and worse, their own sanity, sacrificing the inner voice within, that pure voice of truth and wisdom and spirit that is within all of us if we only listen, for the illogical outdated and tyrannical dogma of other peoples indoctrination. Making it their own. all the while slowly dying inside from that sinister nagging feeling that somewhere down the road they made a mistake. denying their very humanity—the ultimate sin---for a set of beliefs that are so filled with holes and lies and half truths, something invented by man to control man... year after year how it must come upon them slowly at first, the subtle realizations... I wonder if it ever hits them consciously, or if they are too far brainwashed into it to ever see what actually happened...and year after year they try to deny themselves something so basic and simple and beautiful and necessary to human survival that our sexuality is, how else are they going to turn out? Mean and crotchety and drunk all the time. or worse even, a child molester or sexual deviant of some kind like we read about in the papers. Forgive my rant. But study our history. You too will be filled with as much anger and resentment against the malevolent tyranny that they call the Church. One day humanity will rise up out of the dark clutches of this evil empire and will truly step into the light once and for all.    

Anyway, prison reform is what we need. we need to get those guys some loving. We start pouring love in there, and sex. give them love all the time. from all around them. just bring them love. because so many of them have probably never received enough love in their lives; and then like once a month, ship a bunch of pros in there and let them all get off. Man those prisons would be totally different places. And produce totally different kinds of individuals. I know what a lot of people would think if they read that. I know what the current ideas by the majority in consciousness are about prisons and us bleeding heart liberals and our desire for reform, but I don't care what they think too much and don't want to waste much time listening to them or arguing with them. lets face it, love is the answer. With our children, with our friends, with our enemies, with ourselves, and yes even with our prisoners and criminals. Love is the answer. I am tired of mankind and its childish ignorant and unevolved insistence on punishment rather than growth forgiveness and reformation for our fellow man. I am tired of a few idiot fuckhead bastards taking millions of our fellow man who have drug problems and locking them in prisons rather than helping them get free from their addictions, while many of them have so called legal addictions of their own. I don't know why so few of us see the answers and so many of us seem to be stupid as all hell. But its frustrating. One day the ignorant close minded people are going to catch up to the rest. I always try to console Infinito about that when he gets down about all the idiots we are forced to put up with all around us everyday. It can be depressing. But we have to stay hopeful.]