August is already half over. I can write it but I can’t fathom it. work is the curse of life if you have to work. Death is its blessing. If you're lucky enough to not have to work then I would assume that death may be the curse rather than the blessing. But I've never been that lucky. so I just wait for death. Like bill Murray in groundhog day. on the plane, I think, oh I wonder if this will be it... perhaps we’ll crash and that will be that. or when I get a pain in my chest I think, maybe I'll get a heart attack right now and just keel over right here... pretty funny. I don't seem to possess any fear of death at all. in fact, the whole idea seems rather appetizing. You have to figure, if we get reincarnated, we can always come back. if there's a heaven then we can always chill up there with God and Allah and moses and all of that sort for eternity, and if there's nothing at all after we die, well then, we won't notice a thing at all. either way, it sounds like a win-win if you ask me.

I cannot shake the feelings of the sights and sounds I experienced at beavers house this past weekend. Two beautiful children. Sixteen months and four years old now. they have the perfect life. perfectly imperfect. But that's what makes it so perfect. its like an American TV show. Total Americana. I told Beav today, ‘man, you guys really have something special there. it really brought me home and reminded me of who I am and what I want out of life.’ watching him ride around on his new tractor riding lawn mower with his little girl on his lap, I was almost brought to tears. Five minutes later we heard our song superhero girl on their local radio station there in Oklahoma city. it was one of the most exciting moments of our lives as a family. Everyone was jumping up and down yelling turn it up. of course Beav was more laidback and cautious about it. I can tell he worries a lot now about how we will take it all the way and really find the means to see solid income come out of this. hearing your song on the radio is one thing. having money in the bank is another. I tell him, ‘I know man. I know.’