Been back in Miami for three days now. I try not to think about it, but I can feel it coming on like a slow death, like the humidity here. Hot, wet, heavy, sticky, unfriendly and unfeeling, ominous, and never ending humidity.

I've been working all day and then into the evening, twelve to sixteen hour days in an office till nine and ten o'clock every night. on the phone and behind the computer screen. Working day and night at the record label trying to take the band to the next level; where we can actually make a living at this rather than just work day jobs and play the odd gig here and there like most bands. The fans make it easier. But it isn't enough yet. When the last person leaves the office every night I'm still sitting there, by myself, typing or talking away. someone asked me once, when it is going to be enough. ‘when I'm not having to sit here and do this anymore and other people are doing it. that's when. Or a Grammy would be nice.’ laughs. ‘I've written well over a thousand songs in my life. that's enough for a good hundred albums or so. I've only recorded six. So talk to me when I've recorded twenty or thirty. Maybe that's when it’s enough. I don't know.’

But running your own label and taking it to this level is a weird thing. its got its bonuses because you quickly grow out of your local scene. You watch yourself go from a local somebody to a national nobody. And that's a cool thing. sort of. But its got its drags like anything else. Most bands never get to this point. They pile into a van and tour their asses off for a few years and hope that something comes out of that. if nothing happens one by one they bail on the dream, get married, and start going back to school or getting day jobs. I've been there and seen it with a lot of guys.

The other choice is to get to work, make it a business, and take it from a different angle. You start selling more cds and merchandise than you ever imagined. But you wake up one day and you realize that you're spending most of your time in an office instead of on stages. That's a drag. A big time drag. And sometimes you gotta wonder if you're headed in the right direction.

Living your life with one big leap of faith after another, You keep waiting for that one break, for that one car company to buy your song, or for that one song to become a hit on the radio, or for that one booking agency to say sure we’ll take you on even though you're not with a major label, and of course there's that holy grail of the major label record deal that so many artists dream of but so few ever realize. They're yelling hits and you're yelling we've got great music! and they yell back we don't care. We need a fucking hit. Every now and then some good music hits the airwaves and that gives you hope. You think... well maybe...

So you keep going. the hardest part is trying to maintain that balance between the artist that you are innately, the man that you were born as since before time began, and the businessman that works his ass off trying to promote the artist so the both of you don't end up starving in a gutter somewhere.

Last screening: Dopamine. See it.