An amazing day and night. no I take that back. a good day and an interesting evening. a new friend of mine is a singer in the metropolitan opera here in New York and invited me to the Players Club to see if I wanted to become a member. A private club for actors, singers, writers, playwrights, etc. started in the late eighteen hundreds by Edwin Booth (yes the brother of John wilks) but at the time the most famous actor in America. Since that time everyone from sarah bernhardt to mark twain to Gregory peck to Richard Burton to sir Lawrence Olivier and on and on have been members.... a glorious mansion in gramercy park. Grand fireplaces and marble everywhere and big luxurious leather couches.... Absolutely beautiful and completely literary. A real intellectual sanctuary. Was an honor. Read the history of this landmark institution here: http://www.theplayersnyc.org/default.aspx?c=4 Fascinating stuff.

Later while waiting for the subway who should walk in but the Italian stallion herself. Now because we still don't quite click all the way, don't know how long this is going to last, but we still have this kind of fondness for one another, it was a rather strange but welcomed event. I mean we had no choice, we had to speak. There we were standing right in front of each other face to face. Who would think it. 18 million people in this city, both of us moved up from Miami, and there we are... what is the message? I don't know. crazy.

The thing that struck me was how easy it is for me still to just stare at her and still feel the same love/fondness I always did for her. I have a feeling that her once ardent feelings for me have long since vanished. Or at least she certainly plays a good game of it. but I'll tell you, for me its half and half. half of me just really likes her as a person, wants to befriend her and take care of her and look out for her like we would with any of our good friends. But I still cannot help but get this sinking feeling inside when I look at her and am speaking with her... what is that? and the question is: do we ever lose that for people that we once loved? I know we do. I know it firsthand. But why not with her? I'm not saying I want to go out with her again or anything... but what I feel is that I may just never be able to be friends with her because of this obviously dangerous attraction... strange.

Have to make more time for living and doing and less time for writing. period. This writing is too much... so good night.