The pope is dead. (I don't like to use the term ‘the pope’ these days – as if everyone is supposed to know what ‘the pope’ means... if we said ‘the doctor’ when speaking about some witch doctor in Zimbabwe would everyone in the world know who that was? no. of course not. so instead let us offer the same respect to the catholic church as we would any other religion of humankind. Not more not less. Perhaps we should call him ‘the leader of the catholic church,’ which is, after all, in the end, all he is.) Tens of thousands mourn in St. peters square. It seems like just yesterday when Giovanna and I were skipping through St. Peters high on hash and Italian beer in the wee hours of the night, splashing in the fountains and jumping from square to square. “are you a catholic,” I ask her. “isn't everyone a catholic here?” “of course I'm not a catholic,” she shouts back at me in her sexy thick Italian accent, as if I had offended her. she tells me how the idea that Italy is all catholic is a myth perpetrated by the church, that at this point in history the people of Italy are nothing now, they are no religion. They believe in God and Jesus but they sure as hell don't believe in the catholic church. they are waiting to be liberated by some new religion or by a regenerated catholic church willing to represent the people rather than rule them with outdated patriarchic ideologies no longer relevant or acceptable to most. [looking back now I find it fascinating how many people stood in line at St. peters to mourn the death of this pope; certainly some of them must be catholic...]

She went on to tell me how many Italians are scared shitless of the catholic church [hey its not just Italians...] and would never dare speak up against them as we do in America—in that we are lucky in America she tells me, but at the same time they don't go to church or pay much attention to anything that has to do with the church. Indeed this idea is so well known that I even had read the same thing in my American tour guide when first visiting the country. at this point the church is relegated to births and weddings and deaths and that's about it. the people are waiting for something to inspire them and revitalize them once more. having been raised a catholic myself I noticed the same thing here in America. People didn't seem to care much about the church here in the states. it seemed very matter of fact growing up... Catholics weren't inspired; obligated maybe, but never inspired. The last dark veil around the beautiful face of humanity is religion; Catholicism and Islam and Christianity. We need to honor and respect our brethren’s beliefs but keep the truth in the back of our minds. Hold a candle for the light of truth to one day shine on humanity.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/04/06/pope.main/index.html

For me I stand in awe and amazement at how newsworthy this event appears to the world. the man stood against same sex marriage, abortion, birth control, women becoming preists – he still promoted this very sexist patriarchal heirechy where men were above women, the obligation of celibacy for the presithood.. which leads to... denial and then, well, you know what... and so many other modern and progressive ideas, and so to me, he stood against humankind itself in a lot of ways. Still, with that said, he united a lot of people and gave them hope... he was against the imperialist invasion of Iraq, good for him. he is against capital punishment, good for him. that actually makes sense given his stand against abortion, as opposed to most conservative Americans, who reveal the glitch in their thinking machinery by admitting being against abortion but pro-capital punishment... The person called the pope leads one of the richest, most powerful, sinister, and dangerous organizations in the world – the catholic church –  what's left of the gasping roman empire still today; a thinly veiled euphemism at best to those in the know. most people don't even know that not only is the catholic church one of the richest companies in the world, they are also secretly their own COUNTRY. Just over the top crazy evil shit this company/country-disguised-as-a-religion has pulled off over the last two thousand years... but they won't mention this on CNN or any other news network. The truth is only uttered under the breath of those brave enough to even have the thought in their heads.

Check out this photo:

grim right? but why? All of the former American presidents have flown in to sit and stare at the passed on priest’s body... but none of them are catholic... what is going on here? any guesses? Would they do the same if the leader of the Hindu religion died? Would they do it if the ayatollah died? Prob not. o.k., obviously not. not now. but I bet they would do it if the dali lama died.. yes? but still they won't help the dali lama in his quest to free his country from the clutches of tyrannical empirical china... well that's because china has more money than Tibet. And the catholic church has more money than both...  the photo and the reality it portrays is quite startling... why are these men putting on such a show to mourn the loss of the leader of the catholic church when they weren't even catholic?

Well, after studying his life the last few days maybe its just because he was such a great guy. and maybe its because he was so dedicated to promoting peace. He even issued a number of apologies on behalf of the catholic church over the last ten years for the horrors perpetrated by Catholics over the last two thousand years to the rest of humanity. That's just fucking amazing. that alone makes him a good guy. better than many that preceded him. for sure.

I keep my eyes on the prize at the end of the right and wrong game when humans will no longer be satisfied being ruled by archaic dogma, but instead will choose self rule and self governance on all levels in their lives. But those days may still be quite a number of years away from us at this point in our slow evolution. People are religious I remind myself. This is real. It is I who lives in another world. the world is still in the world. and though I don't see it, even I am in that world. I just pretend not to know it. people, I remind myself, are religious here on earth still. and dogma is king. Beaurocracy is king. Hierarchies are king.
Check this out: in his first papal “encyclical” entitled ‘redeemer of man’ he explained his convictions/beliefs by stating that ‘caring for human life springs for the love of Christ.’ If you are religious and that's your thing, then it makes sense, maybe, frankly I don't even see one follows the other but o.k., and I guess it makes sense to state it so everyone is clear about your ideas. But if you're not religious then that may seem a bit twisted of an idea... after all, most people don't need a love of Jesus or anything for that matter to love their fellow man... why does caring for human life have to come from a love of Jesus to this man? (I'm not much into the current trend of referring to Jesus as ‘Christ’ that's become all the rage lately. Christ was not his last name, but rather the Hebrew or Aramaic word for ‘king’ and since Jesus wasn't the king of anything then it really makes no sense. He never even claimed be the king of anything. For a time some Jews thought that he might be the king of them as prophesized in their old testament, but they quickly abandoned the idea and well, you know what happened next... but with respect to the Jewish people, why not just use his real last name and let the Jews decide when they find their king,) Or to any Catholics or Christians? That's the real question. Why do humans still find a need to have a religion or a religious leader or a religious icon such as Jesus in order to care for others? isn't this an innate instinct inside of us? is the pope trying to tell us something here? is he saying that he believes that many people are not born with this innate understanding and desire – to care for others? and so perhaps if we tell people that we should care for others because we love Christ then that will get them to play along better.... maybe this is it... but I would that eventually one day we won't need any religions for people to just care for each other....

I am watching the people mourn on TV, very sad, very focused on this internal sorrow inside of themselves over the death of this man... I step back and ask myself what is happening here. some kind of shared mass delusion imagining super-human attributes about a mere mortal, someone who is just like us, but who they have put up on an imaginary pedestal based on many projected identities; a meagerly masked attempt to feel closer to a God-force perhaps... maybe it helps in some way for people to place this higher than thou honor upon another person, gives us something to look up to, something we project in our minds as being better than we are to inspire us to be better ourselves.

For me the death of John Lennon or Bono were and would be much more impactful on my own heart. Men who pushed humanity forward rather than trying to keep us held back. the catholic church has wreaked more havoc on the face of the earth than any other single organization in humankinds history, shed more blood, caused more pain.... but the people pretend they don't know it; they ignore their history and turn a blind eye because of the God concept... maybe its fear, maybe its mass hypnosis, maybe its just ignorance. In the future we will know. we will look at these things differently. We will transcend the barbarity of religion. But for now even the mere utterance of such things is blasphemy. [on the record, and in his honor mention that the pope himself even recognized this fact and made many apologies about many of the atrocities carried about the catholic church over the last two thousand years. he knew, and he was trying to do something about it. that's cool.]

John Lennon and Bono... hey, call me a slave to the myth of rock and roll... [I once received an email from a screaming raging cursing maniac in north Carolina who said I was an idiot for quoting musicians when it came to politics [he was pro-Bush]... but if the musicians your quoting are Bruce Springsteen or Bono and the politician your trying to defend is George w bush, who’s the idiot? is how I responded...] I smile. I feel that either man better represent the ideals of godliness than the man they called or will ever call the pope. but that's just me. but it helps me understand how people could be so upset over the death of someone they aren't even related to... one cannot qualify the importance of one person to another... the idea of a God is a powerful one indeed. Without the idea of God I believe that many people wouldn’t know what to do with themselves here. I think many of them would go nuts. God is a very important idea to humans. Even to me still. and I stand at the razors edge, between the two worlds --- the old world of imagined gods and the new world of humankind’s discovery of it’s own godness. Yes. it is a tough belief to shake regardless of how strong you try to remain. I'll even admit to a deep and passionate longing for God to show up one day, but not under the guise of some manmade religion. Catholicism only represents 1 billion people on the earth today. if there is a God, he is bigger than that. he will represent all of us. every last man woman and child. And we will know him/her/it instantly.

From the mailbox:
“you know god gets a real laugh when we tell him our plans for our life. surrender your life to the god within you and then lay back and watch everything fall into divine perfect right order. its only your own higher self you are surrendering to but it sure knows more about what's best for you than your conscious mind does. ha ha. roll with whatever shows up.”

The preceding was sent to me by a very well intentioned person... I read it just as I was typing this... this one little paragraph is completely antithetical to everything I believe about us. you couldn’t write anything more contrary to what I believe about who we are. I refuse to believe that there is anyone or anything controlling us other than ourselves at this point. We do not need to surrender to anyone except ourselves. God is our invention. If anything, we are God; we just don't know it yet.

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The thing is that it is not enough for me now just to create regular pop/rock. Not that it has ever been. Because from what I notice that's the way its always been... but now I am very focused on trying to transcend the format entirely. God, all formats really. Can we transcend all formats? and if so what will that look like? Sound like? Can we do it?

I will not join the Abyssinian church in Harlem. Last night on the subway I had the understanding of why it didn't feel right to me. I will return often I am sure. But it would not be fair for me to join their church. I would love and honor the learning and the connection with the long history and the community with others and great spirit that is present there, but the fact of the matter is that in order to become a member I will have to answer one question in the end: ‘do you Fishy take Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?’ and my answer as always will be ‘no I do not. I only take myself as my personal lord and savior. And I hope that every one else will do the same one day’ And because of this fact I cannot honestly and respectfully go through with the membership. I will have to love and honor and respect their kind invitation but politely decline out of reverence for their sacred beliefs and the honest difference between them and my own. but I can still love them and their music and their message and show up now and then to celebrate us.

Last screening: I love the huckabees. One of the best movies I have seen recently for what it tried to say. this is what ‘what the bleep’ wanted to be. this is a great movie, at least in its intention. Totally new.

Current spin: Ed Hale & the Transcendence, rise and shine. wow. I hadn't listened to this CD in years and years. only heard the first four tracks. But I really loved what I heard. how special. I think that finally, after all this time, I am proud of it, now that I am so far away from it. very special indeed... I really got caught up in this whole indie rock thing for a while didn't I, really believing the hype, forgetting to just do what I wanted to from the heart. From now on that's the aim though. Click heels twice: there's no place like home there's no place like home. and home... after all... is where the heart is.