We are getting older. Looking at pictures of friends that they send through email. noticing that they are getting older. Wow. Getting older. This really is going to fly by in a heartbeat isn't it. how fucking sad. Don't think about it.

I have realized that in order to accomplish these goals, really accomplish them rather than have them drag out month after month I have had to work on these things and these things only. Have come to terms with how one accomplishes big goals, rather than the slow grind to achieving a few small goals in ones lifetime, which is the normal way for most people. but in order to really go after huge goals and lots of them on a consistent basis one must find within oneself constant dedication and direction and discipline and commitment. Has to just be a hundred and ten percent.

Current spin: Gomez, split the difference. O.k. I get it. but again its not where I'm at. has to be more than this to rock/pop. Have to set the record straight and go all the way out there. there is a lot more that can be done. A lot more to it. we are only touching the tip of the iceberg.

Dear Stallion
I'm just really taking my time with it to try to really nail down the feeling of it, our dynamic how strange it is, or better put, my strangeness in regards to us/you... but in a beautiful artistic song kind of way, rather than merely writing about it. working off of your name, Thursday and Rain, as metaphors for a girl/relationship...

I am really taking my time with songs now... instead of plowing through them... I may do many many drafts of the same song over a period of weeks or months...
Just now I wrote more for the song, I just take notes about the feelings, pages and pages, play with words, things like that... and then eventually I just keep singing till the actual lyrics flow out from the various words and sentences off the various pages ... the way they are meant to. this is a new way for me to write. I may take a whole notebook to write one song. what divinity. What freedom. What creative expression this style affords. With the below I may only use a sentence or two from the whole thing in the final version of the song. that's the beauty of this new style.

It used to rain on Thursday
Thursday came and so it rained
In a black dress
A seamless pounding rain upon me
Smoking cigarettes and making fun of me
Teasing me with tears of laughter
I laughed as well and hoped that it would never stop
Her making love to me on Thursday
And so it rained

But now I thirst for Thursday
It hasn’t rained in many years
I am dry without her
I shed no tear for Thursday
But pray for rain each day

It rained in the subway once I saw her
When Thursday came
Appeared out of nowhere
Pouring down on everyone
But no one said a word for Thursday

She teased me
and I gloried in that moment
Closed my eyes and smiled wide
Leaned my head back and laughed inside
and prayed that she would never leave

But Thursday came and went
The first and last rain of the year
I shed a tear for Thursdays rain
And hope that I will see her again

You could go on and on and really you're just sowing seeds. Just throwing them down into the soil hoping something brilliant will one day sprout; to use as fodder for song. so you can take your attention off of it completely. Its not like the intention is to write poetry. Because that's not the intention. I'm no poet that's for sure. I'm too lazy and ADD to be a poet. You're just letting it out without thought to use eventually. Almost like going shopping for clothes. You buy a bunch of clothes whenever you are in the mood that you like without attention to what will go with what. and after a few years you have this big beautiful wardrobe to choose from each day. like that. songwriting should be like that. free. Easy. expressive. Without attention. I used to be very focused and demanding of it. trying to get them done as fast as I could. at least for me now its not that way anymore. in two years I will surely be extolling the virtues of an entirely different style. And again, that's the way it should be.

Current spin: serge gainsbourg, L’etonnant. This is an early serge album from 1961. very good. classic early sixties French fire-side pop music. more like it. had to be something to all the hype around this guy. good music.