Messages come in from all sides. Messages came in the form of a teleconference from the UK, a releasing session using the Sedona method – the message was ‘let it go... is it o.k. for you to let that go?’ from the foul breath of craggy-toothed old seer on the docks at fishermans wharf – the message was ‘you are living the life of your dreams but its not coming from you forcing it, you can’t force it sweetheart,’ o.k. I hear you. but how?

Sitting on this bench by the bay in the early morning hours writing. sea lions, hundreds of them. huge creatures. All over the fucking place. G2 skypes me. talking over our computers wirelessly from five thousand miles away. this is tech as promised years ago. I swear to God I am sitting in the middle of nowhere by the San Francisco bay, my laptop running on batteries... and I am having a conversation with G2 in Santiago Chile over the Internet...

Have seemed to reach this point of realizing suddenly that I CAN let it all go.... not in a general way, doesn’t mean that we can all let it go, just for me, now, where I am, that... it’s a deep breath thing. feels something like I can let of the processing... of the analyzing, of the thinking and plotting and self development and improvement etc.... let go of the concern, of the hard working nagging yourself worrying... the worry free zone? More and more I have been saying this huh? That's a good thing. more and more I have been coming to this place of inner-peace. Believe it or not this is what inner peace tastes like for the ambassador. Imagine me without inner-peace. Now that's a scary thought.

I try not to look for signs anymore because signs can be misleading. The whole looking for signs bit is over-done.

Gay men look gay. not just in the way they walk or act or speak, because certainly that's all there, but their face, they have this look in their face. Its gotta be a genetic thing. just the way they are built in this lifetime.

Big stores versus small.

There comes a time when you get beyond all of it. we can see glimpses of it.

But in other news, allow me to note: I have a motor-scooter now. I ride all over this city when I need a break. Up and down these massive hills.

Current spin; there is this little cigar store on the corner of Jones and Jefferson by the wharf where I sit every morning in a rocking chair at dawn to have a smoke and a cappuccino and write. Every morning they play the same CD. frank Sinatra, the capital collection series. Awesome. some people claim the capital years were the best. some still lay claim to the Columbia years as his shining moment and many who were close to him think that his best work was on his own label, Reprise. Frankly, pardon the pun, I like his whole catalog. An old couple from England walks by and stops on the street to chat with me, comments pointing to the speakers, ‘they don't make ‘em like this anymore do they?’ ‘Nope. They sure don't.’